The last words of Shawn rang in her head for days and nights. She wished she could turn back time and go back to three months ago when they first met and make things right and she wishes to go back to three days ago and take back everything that had happened. Though she feels relief that Shawn now knows the truth, the cost thereof seems to have become higher than the truth. Since he walked out of the door three days ago, she had waited for his return. Every day she would wait and pray that he gets a change of heart. She knew what he was going through was hard, but witnessing him go through it, knowing he resented her, was harder.
Their relationship had ended, which was what she had initially wanted, but now she resents ever wanting that. Shawn was one of the good things in her life and losing that felt and still felt worse than death itself. She couldn’t turn her heart off and go on as though nothing happened. He was a part of her life and he brought positivity into it every day he came in and Neriah wishes she could have a little of it again.
How can you lose a battle you’ve never fought? How can you fail when you’ve never tried?
True the doctors told her she had a year to live after cancer proceeded to its current stage, seven months ago even with the drugs and medication she’s on, but if there’s a way to survive this, she’d take it because what she wants more than anything is to live and be with Shawn.
She hasn’t unpacked her bags since she put them together three days ago, nor has she touched anything in her room since then. She hasn’t even stepped out of her apartment, even though she has moved already. There was nowhere to go and death was already on its way to her. It was only a matter of time.
She picks up the card Cainan had left on the table three days ago from the floor, which is the only thing apart from her that its position has since then changed and she stares at it for a while. A part of her wants to give his number a ring, but she wonders if his act of helping is another con to ruin her life more and make the little time she has left a living hell.
It wouldn’t matter, the pain won’t be for long, she assures herself. She summons the courage and presses his contact on the card into her phone before calling him.
After a few rings, the line gets answered. “Hello?” Comes the deep, hoarse voice of Cainan, demanding and firm.
Saving herself the exchange of pleasantries, “In what way do you plan on helping me?“
“Neriah?” he immediately asks, his voice dropping in tempo.
“Yes, now please answer my question.”
“Um,” he goes silent for a while, “I could help you get immediate treatment at one of the best hospitals specialised in your case in this city. I’ve heard kind remarks about their treatment for a while now.“
His offer seems genuinely good, but “In exchange for what?”
Surprised, he blurts out, “What?”
“What’s the catch?”
“I’d prefer we meet and talk about it. Your place seems great, so I’ll come over there now and we can talk better.”
Neriah is about to ask if he plans on leaving work before the closing hour because of her, but she isn’t supposed to care what he does with his company.
The knock on her door is much expected and Neriah opens to see Cainan still in his work clothes, which is an oxblood-coloured suit and trousers and a white inner long sleeve. His hair is parted in the middle, giving his face a defined shape and there are a few stubbles on his face, entailing that he probably hasn’t shaved in a few days.
“I’m guessing you’re gonna let me in when you’re done, right?” He asks after a long while of awkwardly watching her check him out.
“Yeah, um—” she nods and steps aside from the door, letting him step into the room.
“You still have your bags packed,” he points to the bag and then notices a few things have been untouched, too.
“Yes, they are.” She trails off as she feels like he’s wandering off from the reason for his presence. “I’d rather we talk outside.” She suggests as she feels the air go thin around her. Not arguing, he follows her out.
The gentle breeze of the day blows and cools her up, shedding away all the negative energy she’s been feeling for a while. It helps replenish her strength and empowers her a little. How she could survive staying in the room for three days she’ll never know.
She doesn’t stop walking and Cainan doesn’t stop following until they are both under an enormous tree beside the house and when Neriah gets under it; she sits down on the grass on the ground since there was no chair there and she’s a little surprised that Cainan also does the same.