"Hey, Jan what's up?" Mar greeted me when I saw him in the hallway of the building.
He walked over to me. "How are you? We haven't seen each other in a long time," he said. It's the first day of school for this school year and we haven't seen each other for a long time.
"Nothing changes, you? You look like...diamond, shining, shimmering, splendid," I said then smiled.
He was so serious that he didn't seem to laugh. "That's a song, right?" he asked and he pouted. "How did you say that I look like a diamond?"
I examined the entirety of his face. "It looks as bright as your face. Very fresh," I said as it was real.
"Is that so? Uhm! Isn't that why you're just being mean to me? Hmm!" He just looked into my eyes, then winked. "You found me handsome?"
I quickly averted my eyes from him. "Y-you're handsome? You dream, hey!" I block him while barely glancing at him.
"Why not? You can take a good look at my face, I look like James Reid," he said proudly.
I burst out laughing at what I heard. "James Reid? Hey, wake up! You're having too much of an illusion there."
"No, I'm not, Jan."
"Mar, don't be so assuming, it's deadly," I said.
His snout twitched as he seemed to shudder at me. "You just can't admit it," he said. He quickly wrapped my neck in his arms and pushed it down. I cringed because of what he did. 'Then, he even pokes my side of the stomach to make me laugh. So is he. “Admit it, Jan.
I nodded as we laughed at what he had done. I also adjusted my messy uniform. "As you dream, Mar. You're not handsome, admit it," I turned to him.
"Really, Jan? Eh, what are those sneaky stares of yours at me? Admit it, I'm handsome," he said laughing. He even caressed his chin to show he was handsome.
My eyes widened, then laughed. "I'm staring at you? Hey, Mar woke up. I've long admitted that my bestfriend isn't handsome," I said.
He was stunned, evil eyes staring at me. But he was still laughing. This is how Mar and I treated each other. Not a day goes by that we don’t plow.
"You—? If you get caught, Jan prepare yourself. You're dead," he challenged.
I just stared at him. "Why what are you going to do to me? Well, I'm already prepared," I also challenged him.
"Why are you fighting back, huh?" he said laughing. He got ready to run but before he could do that, I ran away from him.
My heart began to fill with joy again. Ceaseless. And only Mar gives that to me apart from anyone else. Is it normal for a man to feel eternal happiness in the company of a man? Is it normal to thrill whenever I feel important to him? Is it normal to fall in love with a man and also my friend? I don’t know but I just spontaneously felt all of those and I couldn’t resist.
"Got you!"
I just felt Mar's grip on my waist. He caught up with me when we reached the plaza. There were a lot of people there because it wasn't time yet. He started tickling me again which made me laugh.
“M-Mar, s-stop!” I could barely say those because of the laughter.
"You think I can't catch you? Don't underestimate me, Jan because no matter how fast you go, I'll still catch up with you." He stopped tickling me.
Suddenly my world seemed to stop spinning when our eyes met. I was already facing him, our bodies touching as he was close to my waist. Our faces are close to each other.
Suddenly there was something moving in my stomach that brought a relentless nervousness to me. I could hear almost nothing but the loud pounding of my chest. Faster and faster. I want that scene never to end.
"I hope it's just you, Mar," suddenly appeared in my mouth which I did not expect and it was too late for me to withdraw what I said.
"S-sorry, Jan I-I didn't mean to." He suddenly moved away from me while unable to look into my eyes. I know he heard what I said and I know he suddenly felt awkwardness between the two of us. "See you around, Jan," he said. He left without looking back. I was left speechless, still unable to comprehend what had happened.
-
Despite what happened the day before, ‘I’m so thankful I didn’t feel anything had changed. What Mar was to me then, he is still the same to me even though I know on my part, a little has changed because I know Mar has an idea of how I feel about him.
It's really hard to fall for your friend. To your best friend. Lots of what ifs. Lots of fear. But it's harder to fall for the same gender. More fear. More what ifs.
My true gender is not new to Mar because he already knows what and who I am. That's why we became close to each other because he accepted me fully. He was also not ashamed to be with me either inside or outside the school. Even though he was bullied, he still wouldn’t leave me. We have even received a lot of gossip, saying that we are already in a relationship and we are not just saying so.
“Let’s just ignore them,” that’s what he always tells me.
"Looks like you're thinking so deep, Jan, ah? Is that deeper than the sea?"
I was shocked when I felt Mar's hand on my shoulder. He sat down next to me.
"No, just deep as a river," I said, just a serious face.
"Is that so? Tell me what it is, Jan," he said.
"Why aren't you ashamed to be with me?" I seriously asked him.
He barely thought. "Why should I be ashamed?" he asked again.
"Because your friend is gay."
"Then, what's the matter, Jan? Friendship isn't about gender, it's about true relationships, being with each other no matter what and being brothers to each other," he explained and it touched me.
I averted my eyes from him. Even though Mar is like that, whenever I hear words about us, I get hurt. "But you're embarrassed because of me, Mar. They're losing respect for you because you're being friends with me," I said sadly.
"I don't care, Jan. Didn't I tell you to just let them go. Let's just ignore them."
"As if it's as easy as that, Mar. It's hard," I said.
He was slightly silent. "What do you want to say, Jan? Why are you suddenly being unreasonable?"
I was the one who fell silent. I also don't know why I suddenly became like this. I feel like the longer it lasts, the more I bring him to shame. And I just fell more and more in love with him. I try to stop but I can't. "I don't know, Mar," I confess.
"Do we have a problem?" wrinkled when he asked.
"N-no, Mar. I'm sorry if I've been too unreasonable," I apologize.
He sighed. "I'm happy when I'm with your company, Jan and I don't care about the people around us. That's our society nowadays, they tend to interfere in the lives of others." He smiled slightly. He placed his palms on my head and ruffled my hair. "You're too dramatic. Come on, we'll be late for the next subject," he said. I was just shocked when he grabbed my arm and made me sit up. He pulled me slowly.
Why are you like this, Mar? Why are you so kind to me? Why do I feel so important to you? Why do I seem hopeful?