"Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn't change the heart of others-- it only changes yours." -Shannon Alder,
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|KAGUYA|
I never thought that Shin would change this much, but it was already given after everything that he's been through.
He's suffering but I can't lend him a hand that time. I only decided to show myself because he's taking the wrong path day by day.
He's killing anyone mercilessly without even an ounce of remorse. Be it, monsters, demons, or humans. As long as they gets in his way, they will surely die by his blade.
The way he use his sword is not the one that big brother, Roland taught him to. All the things he had inside him is pure hatred, anger, and revenge whenever he draws his sword.
He's using his sword not to protect like what he learned from his father and grandfather. He's using it to kill out of hatred without even feeling a bit of guilt. It's no different from how a mad bandit fights.
After what happened to him, Shin lost his way, pointing his sword to anyone. I don't want him to go down the wrong path that is why I'm here. I promise to myself that I will always be by his side until he return to the Shin I once knew.
Right now, his heart is still in shambles because of trauma and pain, but now that I am here, I will share his burden no matter how heavy it is and make him feel that he's not alone.
The two of us are walking inside the forest with his hands holding mine to return to his home. It's still dark as the moon still lighting up to show us the way.
"Shin." I mumbled. He just glanced at me continues to walk.
"Yes, what is it?" He asked.
I close my hands, the one that he's not holding tightly and took a deep breath.
"Shin, I-" I was about to say something when he stopped walking that cut me off.
"Let's save it for later. I'll deal with this first." He uttered in cold tone as he let go of my hand and hold the hilt of his sword.
I looked forward and saw a demon standing right infront of us. I can see and feel how that demon trembles in fear with just the sight of Shin.
I don't even know who's the real demon right at this moment...
Shin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and with just a split of seconds, the demon's head is already rolling in the ground as Shin slices it off swiftly.
"And that's 2,782." He mumbled as he swing his sword to remove the demon's blood on its blade.
Shin is indeed strong, but his blade is dull because of anger and hatred. A broken hero whose sole purpose is to cleanse all evil by becoming the devil himself. But I can't let that happen... Not to him...
I run towards him and hugged him tightly from the back. I noticed that he was surprised because of what I did but decided to brush it off.
I felt the warmth of his hands touching mine as he let go of a sigh.
"You were this worried about me, huh? You don't have to worry, I'm perfectly fine." He uttered, but to my surprise, I felt some droplets of water started to drip in my arms and heard a soft sobs coming from Shin.
My tears are starting to build up to, but I tried to supress it. I moved infront of him and hugged him even tighter.
I burried his face in my chest as he continues to shed tears like a little child. After observing him for quite some time now, this is the first time I've seen him cry this much.
"I... No matter how many demons I kill... No matter how many evil people I slay... It's still there... The hole in my heart is still there..." He mumbles as endless tears continues to shed from his eyes...
I continue to caress his head and let him cry... I know this isn't enough to ease the pain he's feeling,but I want him to know that he still has me...
Even though we never talk to each other before because I approached him using different form, I know there's still a strong bond between us...
"I swing my sword day by day to defeat evil... I slay them without batting an eye... I thought I would be happy if I kill them, but it's only making the hole in my heart bigger... I don't know what to do, Kaguya..."
What he carries is a lot heavier than what I've expected... He's aware that he's becoming dangerous as days passes by... He doesn't want to head to the dark path, but he has no other option...
You don't have to worry, Shin... I will make the options for you so you can walk into the light once more...
I cupped his face and looked at him with a smile...
"You don't need to worry okay? I'm here now. We will always be together, even if you decided to walk in the dark, I will be your light... If the burden is too heavy, I will help you carry it... And if things gets scary..."
Shin is a bit tall, that is why I tiptoed just to kiss his forehead.
"I will always be here to keep you safe..." I said with a smile as a few drop of tears that I wasn't able to hold back falls from my eyes. "So from here on out, always rely on me, okay?"
He brushed off the tears from his eyes and showed me a geniune smile. The smile I have never seen for months.
"Okay." He uttured.
I hold his hand to make him feel secured and showed him a joyous smile. "Let's head back to your home for now, okay?"
He nods at me as the two of us continues to walk holding each other's hands in this dark bright nightsky with only the light of the moon guiding us.
I know I still can't change him back the way he once before, but I'll make sure the he'll grow as a person.
This is the first time he saw me in this form, but I'm pretty sure that the bond we shared is enough reason for me to hold his hand and keep my promise to both sister Azrael and brother Roland.
It's still dark when we arrived at his home, but there's already a light inside the house that's why we decided to go inside.
We saw Shin's guardian, Goza-san sitting infront of granpa's altar inside the house with tears in his eyes.
He's just sitting there staring at the altar of granpa when he stars sobbing again...
"K-Kojiro-sama... Please forgive me... If only I manage to save the young lady Aria that day, this won't happen to young master Shin..." He says in between his sobs.
I looked at Shin and the pain of guilt is visible in his eyes... He might be thinking that this is the result of his rampage... But noone can still blame him... His origins and background doesn't change the fact that he's still human who can feel all sorts of emotions...
We just stand there and watched how Goza-san cries, when Shin decided to go out of the house and went to the garden where I followed him.
He sat on the huge rock and looks up at the sky wearing his forced smile.
"It's true that I've been through a lot... But it still doesn't change the fact that there's still people who'll be with me..." he uttered while still looking at the nightsky. He's smiling yet tears are slowly falling from his eyes...
"I'm loosing sight of what is right...  Saying that the things I've done are justifiable, so I continue doing all this rampage killing... But the truth is, I'm just a damn selfish hypocrite... I'm using my pain as an excuse to escape..."
I sat behind him and leaned my back against his... I want to console him but I don't know what to say... He lost everyone he loved, and he's all alone in this world, so I understand what he's been going through... Afterall... The two of us are sharing the same fate...
"I never looked at those people who still cares about me... I never looked at Goza-san... The people inside this village... I never looked at you..." I can hear his quiet sobs as hesaid those words.
But deep inside... I felt a pain inside my chest... The reason why he can't look at me was because I'm not there... I... I decided to hide... I can't use the reason of him being not ready yet as an excuse...
That's my only regret... If I appear before him earlier, I could've helped him save Aria and granpa... It might hinder his growth but atleast, he won't become like this...
Truth be told, I should be the one to blame... Not Shin... Not granpa... Not Aria nor those demons... I was the one at fault for doing nothing but watch as he continues to suffer...
"No Shin... I... I should be the one apologizing right now... I can do something if only I was there when you need help the most..." I can't help but to let my tears fell because of despair... The guilt of my sins are eating me from the inside...
I want to run away because truthfully, I don't know how can I still face Shin at this moment...
I made a promise... That's the only thing that I've been holding unto just to stay by his side...
But when his warm hand holds mine, the sobbing suddenly stop and all I could see was a smiling face of Shin just like back when we were just kinds without worries...
"I told you didn't I? Before you even apologized, I've already forgiven you... No need to say it again and again..." That's when the pain inside my chest starts to ease and tears of relief and happiness continiously flows from my eyes...
I hugged Shin as tight as I could, never planning on letting him go again... This time... This time for sure... I'll do my best to save you from your sorrows...
"I'll do this the right way this time..." he uttered as he stands and lay his hands on me. "And let's start by getting back on our feet first... It'll take time for both of us to be healed, but I know for certain, that with you, I'll be able to move forward." I brushed of my tears and took his hands without hesitation.
"This might be the first time I saw you in that form, but the bond we shared is already carved deep in my soul. I'm already attached to you... So from here on out, let's do our best, Kaguya..." A smile formed on my lips automatically after he said those lines...
"Ofcourse, you are my fated partner afterall..."
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End of Chapter 22