When we had dinner with Hayashi-Salvador, Ash, Diane and I all had a swollen eyes from crying, which Diane's parents immediately noticed as well as their grandfather noticed the redness and swelling of our eyes.
Diane's only answer was that we watched a drama and we couldn't stop crying from watching it, I'm so thankful, they believed the excuse that Diane just said, it somewhat reduced the nervous I felt.
Even though I didn't feel like eating because of what happened, I still forced myself I'm worried that Aunt Em might wonder and ask more questions. Gian, on the other hand, was eating next to his papa and Ash was taking care of him just like how he was taking care of him before, so it was not obvious that there was anything different in the way Ash was taking care of Gian.
After we finished eating, I chose to stay in their guest room and let Gian and his father stay in their living room while their parents were with them.
Because of my deep thoughts I fell asleep and woke up with something heavy on my stomach and when I looked under the blanket it was an arm, when I followed who was the owner of it. I just smiled and slowly removed Diane's arm. I didn't felt that she was sleeping next to me, Gian was not in the room so I thought maybe he was with in their room as she requested yesterday when we were in their backyard or maybe he was with Ash in his room.
When I turned my gaze to their small digital wall clock in the guest room, I noticed that it was only three in the morning. I went to bed early last night so maybe that's why I woke up too early.
I sat on the side of the bed and adjusted the blanket to Diane before I removed my cellphone from charging which was just above the side drawer of the bed. When I opened it, there were unread messages and missed calls from Jake, I just held my breath when I read his messages. Because of what happened last night, I didn't even tell my boyfriend that I won't be able to go home and I also haven't told him that I got a job, I let out another deep breath and I combed and tweaked my hair lightly.
I stood up from sitting on the edge of the bed and decided to go out of the guest room and go straight to their terrace. I slowly opened the door and luckily it wasn't locked. I closed it slowly and walked to the railings and looked up at the sky full of stars and let out a deep breath again.
It was only three o'clock in the midnight, it was still really dark around and the sky was just like that, I couldn't even see the moon or maybe it was on the other side of the house. The breeze is also cold but not so cold that it would chills you. I looked at the screen of my phone again and Jake's contact info was read on it, I was thinking twice whether to call him or not. I know he's still sleeping because it's still early in the morning and I don't want to disturb his rest but I also really want to hear his voice right now, even if just hearing his voice can take away all of my worries right now.
I thought about Gian again. Even if Gian was not my real son, I still considered him as my own, even though I had no idea about children at the time, when Diane asked me for a big favor, I still accepted him with all my heart. It was really painful for me to think that Gian will be away from me forever. I was only a mother to Gian for four years.
I lost a count of how many times I released a deep breathe. It's obvious from my sighs that I am carrying a huge load of worries, it's also heavy on my chest. I took another deep breath and let it out slowly as I looked up and closed my eyes.
"Anna"
"Son of tofu!"
I was shocked, it made me jumped slightly from my place and I grabbed my chest to feel my heart which was beating very fast again. I turned to where I heard the voice and found Ash in the corner of the terrace while leaning against the wall and his hands were in the pockets of his pajamas.
Due to his surprise, my heart which had calmed down earlier returned to its unstoppable strong and fast beating.
"I didn't mean to scare you, sorry"
"How long have you been there?"
"A while ago, I can't sleep."
He said but he was looking at the sky. When I recovered from the shocked he gave me, I straightened up and just leaned on the railings of their terrace and bent my head down to play with the cellphone I was holding.
"Ash, I'm really sorry.."
I said boldly, I was still looking down and couldn't look directly at him. Maybe one of the things that makes my feelings heavy is that I can't even apologize for what I did from hiding Ash's son. Right after I said those words to Ash, it's like a magic that my heart calmed down and my feelings became lighter.
I heard he let out a loud breath, it seemed like he took a deep breath, too.
"You don't have to say sorry, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I'm thankful because Diane approached you."
Because of what he said, I raised my head to look at Ash, who I didn't know was looking directly at my place.
"Thank you, Anna." He said and even though it was dark and only the light from their yellowish light at the both ends of the railings served as light in the darkness now, that was enough for me to see Ash's smile.
At the same time as he smiled, my heart skipped a beat and pound so hard, which made me dumbfounded.
Why?
I was looking dumbfounded to Ash's place now and no words came out of my mouth, he just looked straight at me but his smile was gone.
"I heard from mom that you are going to the kindergarten where my baby is going."
My baby.
That's right, Gian is really his son so he really has the right to own him and call him his baby.
When I recovered from the stupor and found my own voice and words, I was able to respond to Ash.
"Yes, but since you said I can start my work right away, I think I don't need to accompany them later."
"It's okay. You already had plans with mom, it won't take you all afternoon."
I swallowed my own saliva and wet my lips before answering him, I feel like I'm drying up now for some reasons I'm not sure.
"Okay, I'll just message you before I go."
"Good. Let's talk again later at my office. For now, you should head back and have some rest. You and mom will leave early later."
He said and he was the first to leave their terrace. When I was sure that Ash had entered his own room I gently patted my chest.
"Why did you pound so hard, heart?"
Shocked and wondering. I asked myself why it happened, I stayed for a few more minutes on their terrace before finally thinking of going back to their guest room.
Diane is still fast asleep and her position hasn't changed since I left her earlier. I put my cellphone back on top of the side drawer and slowly went back to lie on the bed again, even though I know that Diane is sleeping, I still don't want to disturb her.
I don't feel sleepy anymore, I don't even know why I went back to lying down. I just stared at the ceiling of their guest room and no matter how hard I tried to go back to my sleep, I still couldn't sleep. I'm still worried about what happened a while ago on their terrace with Ash.
Why did you pound, heart? He just smile, that's it! But how could you pound like that?
When Jake smiles, you didn't pound him like that. Remember that Jake is your boyfriend, so you better choose to who you should beat.
You're going crazy, Gillianna!