I spent the night at home, if what I did could be called spending a night. I sat on the bed all night, feeling all the things I used to feel while sitting here, seven years ago, rushing back at me again. It was weird, just how in the end of it all, I was the very middle of it.
I looked at my phone. Would the past Karla have her phone with her? What is she doing?
I tried hard to remember what I was doing then around this time, but nothing came up.
I stayed awake till the morning sun rose on me. In as much as I wanted to stay with my mother, I wanted to go back home. To be alone again.
I trudged my way out of the room, intending to spend some time with her and leave.
"The alimony? Are you willing to pay it?" I heard my mother's voice say, and I stopped.
"But...Sandra. We can't just give our only child away like that. We can't just give her away into a marriage she does not want because we want to keep ours, Sandra. That is selfish."
I heard my mother laugh. "Do you mean the same daughter that has never accorded me love as her mother?"
I swallowed. Yesterday was done. This conversation...it wasn't something of this new past. It would have happened, regardless of me coming here.
"Is that why?"
"I am desperate! I will not lose two, there is no way! You will go to your mistress while Karla barely even has time for me. I will end up alone! All alone! No way. If you do not agree to her and your mistress's son's marriage right after college, I will file for a divorce on the basis of you keeping a mistress. I do hope you realize what that will do to your reputation, besides the alimony you will have to pay me."
So the loophole was money. On the end, the money was more important.
"Sandra..."
"I will not hear a single word. Just get out."
I walked back to my room. I hadn't brought a lot of things with me last night, so I just grabbed my phone and ran out of the house.
I just realized I had left my house keys, purse and suitcase in Luke's car.
I sighed, pushing my hands into my hair. What do I do now? I am sure as hell not going back to that house. At this point, I won't even try to change the past anymore. Regardless of last night, today still happened. It was pointless. All of it.
I just want to go back now. To my future. At least, I was accustomed to the loneliness it came with.
"Karla."
I turned to my right, and Luke was holding my things.
"Oh, Luke."
"I thought I was just going to drop these in your house, but I thought you might need the keys. By the way, why are you out already? There are no classes today."
I nodded. "I was just..."
"You miss solitude, huh? I understand." He laughed. "I will take you home and be on my way, then. You can have as much time to yourself as you want."
I nodded gratefully and got into his car without waiting for him. He seemed to find it amusing, and he came in too.
He handed me the keys, and then kept my stuff in the back seat. The car ride was silent, slow music playing in the ground, and I just let my thoughts take control.
Navigating the past was not as easy as I thought. I had thought I would come here, gain new knowledge and change what has been done. But history had already been written. We are seven years older than we used to be.
Time may have allowed me pass through it, but it won't let me change it.
"We are here."
I snapped out of my thoughts and nodded. "Thank you so much, Luke."
He licked his lower lip, then removed his hand from the steering wheel. "Is something bothering you?"
I shook my head. "No, I am just tired."
"You look tired. Go on."
He helped me take my bag out, and just when I started to walk away, he called my name again. To be honest, I was getting a little irritated, and very sensitive. All I wanted was to be alone. It didn't matter if I used to enjoy Luke's company.
"I am so sorry." He started. "But...just so I don't disturb you later...could you please give me your phone number? Just so I can check how you are later.."
He looked so awfully sorry I felt guilty.
"It is fine." I collected his phone then punched my number. "Wait," I murmured to myself. It was not the number I used to have.
I looked up at him, then gave a small apologetic smile, then checked my phone for my number. I then punched it in his phone and handed it to him.
"Thank you, Karla. And I hope you get better."
I forced a smile and walked away, vaguely aware of his eyes watching me until I entered the house.
The house was dark and empty just as I had imagined, just the way my soul felt. I sat down on the dining chair, feeling exhausted with everything.
Before I knew it, I drifted off to sleep.