We soon finished breakfast, and after a bit of time of Luke laying on my lap while I patted his hair, he soon fell asleep. I slowly propped him up on a pillow, then made my way noiselessly out of the room.
I made my way to the dining table, then to the console where his diary was.
I flipped through the empty pages at the back, wondering if they would be filled by the time we were married. Would he have gotten a new one, or would he still use this one?
How different would the entries be?
I sighed and opened the first page. It was mostly blank, except for one line.
"I asked dad why mum wasn't back yet. He said nothing, but I saw him cry."
I gave a small sigh and walked to the dining chair and I flipped the pages. The first pages were mostly about his mother, how they were absent, and how much it affected him.
"Dad was drunk today. I heard him talk about how much he loved mum till he finally slept. He never mentioned me, but I think it's because he only loves me when he is sober."
I closed my eyes briefly. I could almost imagine Luke, innocent as he is, just watching his drunk and frustrated father, and the only thing he hoped for was that his father, would chose him over the woman who was inflicting them both pain when he was sober.
I gave a long sigh and flipped through again, till I came to one that caught my attention. It appeared to be a day just after the accident. 
"Dad died. Just like that. I walk the paths we walked together and it feels like he was never there. I see things we saw together and those things remain unchanged. I can't possibly quantify how much it hurts. How hard it is. Now mum is all I have, and she is ironically the one person I wish I didn't know."
I took a deep breath and flipped again. 
"I met Karla today. She feels like someone I have met before, but she still feels so unfamiliar. She brought me home last night, and I wonder how she could be kind enough to do that for a total stranger. She is beautiful too, and I love the lavender in her hair. Although she is a total stranger, she feels much better than most, and around her, the hole dad left is something I can try to ignore."
A small smile spread on my lips, and I opened the page again. 
"Turns out she is that man's daughter. Mum's other man. I hate that this might be the end, because I can't bring myself to forgive her father. When will it ever stop?"
In the next page, it was blank, except for a line.
"Fix me, please."
I wondered how hard it must have been on him to write that, and my eyes thinned a little. It was the day he returned the hoodie, and I only saw him again on my way to college when he saved that dog.
I flipped open the page again. 
"I met Karla again. She said she was my wife and it was literally the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. I am not sure if she knows just how adorable she is, but it would be a disappointment for her not to."
I flipped again. And again and again. With more of the entries that I read, it felt like his life started to revolve solely around whatever we shared, about the birthday trip, about how I cried, about me.
At some pont, it felt like we have both temporarily halted our lives to focus on each other. There wasn't even much about his mum anymore, just me.
"She said she wanted more. Is more something I can not be?"
I flipped to the other page, and on the top left was my name. It had a small rose sitting on the last a.
"I kissed her today. She tasted like love...with a hint of strawberries." I couldn't help bust smile.
I slowly dropped the book with a sigh. Luke...he wasn't happy. He was sad deep down, and in his writing, there were the small dents made by the child he had caged in, traces of the pain he had tried not to feel.
Before I came along. To me, he felt happier. From our very first exchange. I leaned back on the chair, a small smile on my face.
Can I be content with the fact that I have, somehow, made him a happier person? That I had given him some of the happiness so many people had conspired to take away from him? Can I take the memory of his happy moments with me to the future and trust it will help me miss him a little less?
I stood up and walked back to the room. He was still asleep, and I laid in front of him, my fingers caressing his hair.
His lashes fluttered a little, and I moved forward and placed a small kiss on his lips.
His eyes slowly opened and he took a few seconds to register me. His smile widened, and he brought his hands to wrap around me. 
"I love you," he said to me, pressing my face into his chest gently, while his face leaned into the crook of my neck.
I smiled, wrapping my arm around him too, while I placed one hand on his chest, right above his heart.
"I love you too, Luke."