Chapter 39

  I and Luke stood on the front porch, my eyes trained on my feet. My shadow was just one now, and I wondered how long I have had one for. Did that not mean my time here...is coming to an end?
I sighed at the sunset, then turned to Luke whose eyes were already fixed on me.
I raised my brows questioningly, and he smiled. "You seem out of it."
I shrugged. "Just...thinking. What else do you think is setting now?"
His brows furrowed a little as I turned away, to face the sunset again.
"The sun?"
"I mean...what else do you think is ending right now? A life? A love or a particularly beautiful trip?" I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, and I closed it for a while, then opened them again.
Luke cupped my face in his hands, then turned me to face him. "Probably all of that. But...don't you think endings can be beautiful too?"
He then pulled me so my back was on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. "Is that not why you like to watch the sunset?"
I swallowed, my chest filling up. The uncertainty was threatening to kill me, and my chest hurt from all the tears I was trying hard to keep down.
Endings can be beautiful...but not to the one who will be left behind eventually. Not to someone like me who got to taste the love of her husband again.
"Love?" he whispered in my ear, and I turned to him, meeting his eyes. "You are okay, right?"
I nodded, then gave a small sigh. "As long as you are happy, Luke. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy."
He smiled, his one sided dimple sinking. "I wish I had met you earlier. For some reason, I just feel like I have wasted so much time. Like we have so little time left."
He pulled me in again, and by this time, my eyes were already filled too. If he could feel the time we had coming to an end, who am I?
I swallowed as his scent wrapped around me comfortably. "As long as you are happy, Luke. It does not matter how long we have."
He released me and let his eyes skim mine. "You seem so sad saying that."
I shook my head and sniffed, then smiled up at him. The sunset rays formed a ring between his hands and my face, and the sheer ethereal feel of the moment further sank it in to me.
Endings can be beautiful. Aesthetically. But not necessarily on the heart. Not necessarily on my heart.
He smiled and kissed the top of my forehead, then pulled me into him again, feeding ne his warmth. I closed my eyes, and my hands wrapped around his body, feeling his warmth under my fingers, wondering when it would be the last.
"Luke?"
"Mhm?"
"Can I make a quick trip back home? I had forgotten to see my mum for some thing."
"I will drive you."
I released him and shook my head. "No. I will be quick and you can just whip up cupcakes for us? I have been craving those."
He smiled and nodded, his eyes bright. I turned to the door, but he suddenly caught my arm, stopping me. I turned to him, my eyes wide.
"This...it won't be the last time I see you, right? You will come back in time for those cupcakes, won't you?" he asked, his voice low. 
I blinked slowly, then gave a small smile. "Of course, I will. I just need to do a few things. I will be back."
He slowly released me, then nodded and I smiled at him again, before walking in, leaving him watching me.
I dressed up in a casual outfit and walked out again. Luke was still outside, his hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts, and he smiled once he saw me.
I propped myself up on toes and reached for his lips and he let me kiss him. It was just a peck, and he seemed a little less worried by the time I leaned back.
I walked away and took a cab back home. I needed to see my mum.
The house was just the same, and I made my way past the large gardens outside to the main front door. I had just stepped a foot in, when I heard a vase break.
"Mum! How can you think of a divorce when dad is literally the best parent anyone could ever ask for?"
My eyes widened. "I am...in there?"
"Karla. You are not trying to understand me. I am your mother!"
"But dad has been there for me more than you have! Dad has loved me for longer than you have! All you ever cared about is yourself."
A slap followed it and I gasped. I could remember it. I can remember this. But more than the occurrence, was the fact that my past self was in there.
I slowly backed away, my eyes filling. I could still hear the voices, and I slowly closed the door, then turned away, and broke into a run.
She would definitely go home. She could be anywhere. It was glaring at me now. The fact that I will soon leave, the fact that everything will soon tilt back to the way it was...
I swallowed as I got to the cab, my hand on my chest. My eyes started to fill again.
How do I explain to myself that I wish to stay here instead of her, that I wish to meet these people with all the knowledge I have of having lived seven years into the future?
I pushed my fingers into my hair, my heart thumping hard. How do I explain that I want to love Luke a little longer?
The thought of him sent the tears I have been trying to keep down rushing in torrents down my face, and I leaned forward, my chest heaving with more tears. I felt my heart constrict hard, and I hit my chest, as if willing to let it all out. Yet knowing it was just the beginning. This is just the beginning of the end....and I am breaking down.

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