Chapter 19
"You're acting strange." Jace said. He's looking at me from across the table while I'm doing my homework.
I'm currently writing an essay for Film History. This is super duper hard work for me.
"When?" I answered without looking up.
"A while ago when we were at the company building." He said. I stopped writing and looked at him.
"Who's strange?" Jeanny joined the conversation. We're currently at the restaurant. It's almost closing and we're waiting for the last customer to finish their meal.
"Doctor Strange." I said then continued writing.
"C'mon what's wrong?" Jace asked. I don't know if he's worried or just curious.
"Being scared is not strange." I answered while rolling my eyes at him.
"But you're never scared of crossing the street." He rebutted.
I feel irritation growing inside of me. I get it that people who love you worry about you. I just wish they would stop treating me like I'm an invalid or I'll break anytime.
"How many times do I have to tell everyone that I'm fine?" I answered with my tone slightly getting higher.
"I was just--" I cut him off.
"I'm okay, okay? You need to stop worrying. Even your cousin's worrying about it. It's getting annoying." I said looking at him, trying to emphasize the fact that I'm okay.
"Chase?" He asked and I nodded. "Could that be the reason why he asked me to go home earlier?" He mumbled to himself, but was loud enough for me to hear.
"He asked you what?" I asked just to be clear with what I heard.
"Yeah. He told me that he saw you leaving work and told me that maybe I should go home as well."
He did that? Why?
Jace and I fell silent as if we're both thinking. Then someone pushed me. Oh yeah, I forgot that Jeanny was listening to all this. She hasn't spoken a word that I forgot she's here.
I looked at her with a question on my face asking why she did that. She just winked at me. I rolled my eyes at her and continued writing my essay.
"Do you think it's a result of the acci--" before Jace could even finish his sentence, I closed my book loudly and stood up. I looked at him.
"Stop. It's not." I looked him straight in the eye to let him know that I mean it and that I would really snap anytime if he still insists on his idea.
I fixed my things on the table and placed them on my bag.
"I'll go first. I want to sleep early. I have a test tomorrow. Tell Anna I left already." I said as I wore my bag and made my way out of the resto.
Cold wind welcomed me as I opened the glass door of the resto. I hugged myself as the chilling night breeze touched my skin and started to walk towards the bus station. I should have brought my jacket.
Once again, the memory of what happened earlier came rushing back to my mind. As much as I don't want to believe it, Jace can be right. It can be an after effect of the accident. And I, the patient, is in denial.
I'm not ready to go through this phase. And I never want to. I don't think anyone was made for this.
It's amazing how the mind works. How no one can truly know what happens inside it, not even the owner itself. I find it really interesting how it tangles itself into reality and fantasies, but it's scary to be caught in it. Because when you get caught, no one knows if you'll ever get out.
A lot of people suffer from mental illnesses. No one knows what's truly going on in their minds or how it actually feels. You're calm on the outside but it feels like you're dancing in your brain. When you see things, or triggers, your mind explodes into different things and feelings. It's overwhelming.
A blast of colors, flashes of light, overpour of emotions.
Words are not enough to explain what that feeling is. No one can truly understand it.
Tears started to flow from my eyes as I walked aimlessly. I looked around only to see that I already walked past the bus stop. I might as well just walk home.
I already underwent a traumatic experience. Mainly the reason why I didn't want to consider what happened to me earlier as a result of the accident. I just got over a nightmare and I don't think I have the strength to face another one.
To some people it might be just a simple accident or something that you can get over with in a few days or weeks. But every individual's mind works differently. What may seem like an 'okay' experience for some, might be a traumatizing one for others.
That's how it was for me. I thought it was just a passing type of incident. One that I'll be able to forget in a short time and not be affected by it, but I was wrong. As days passed, it got harder and harder to forget. When I close my eyes, flashbacks of what happened appear before my eyes. It took me two years to forget about that and not be affected by it, but not completely. There are still days when I remember it but I don't let it affect me anymore.
But now, my mind is an endless blank. Why me, of all people? Why do I have to go through it again? It's not fair. Life is never fair.
I sat on the swing on the playground near the university. It's already 9:20 pm and the dorm curfew is at 10:00 pm but it seems like my mind couldn't care less. I let out a deep sigh.
My phone vibrated in my pocket so I took it out. The picture of my mom appeared on my screen. It was an incoming call from her. I cleared my throat before answering.
"Hi mom!" I answered as joyfully as I can.
"Hi. How have you been?" She asked. I can tell the happiness in her voice.
I felt an urge to cry but I forced myself not to.
"I'm okay. I just got home from work." I told her.
"Okay. I'm sure that you're very tired. I'll just call you again tomorrow. I miss you and I love you! Goodnight dear."
"Love you too mom."
When the call ended, the only thing that I could hear was the sound of the beep, and the tears that I was trying so hard to prevent from falling, betrayed me. It ran down my face like streams of water.
I placed my hand over my mouth to prevent it from making any sounds. I don't want people to be disturbed by my crying in the middle of the night.
I hung my head down and saw a pair of feet in the ground, standing in front of me. I looked up to see who it was, but I couldn't see properly because of my blurry vision caused by my tears.
"Don't suppress your feelings. Cry out loud if you want. I'll hide you." He said. Then I felt his hands cup my face, then he pulled my head towards his stomach and hugged me.
"It's okay." He tapped my back. "It's going to be okay."
That moment, I decided to let go. Let it all out. I cried loudly.