"Are you sure you're ready for this?" She asked. I nodded yes as an answer. I bit my thumbnail as I stared blankly ahead.
Anna called to let me know that she could come because the doctor had an emergency and our appointment was moved into a later time. Jace had to go back to the University because he left his project there, but he agreed to meet me in the hospital later so we can go to the company together.
"You know we can just come back when you're much calmer." She said then she held both of my hands which were shaking ever since I got here. I looked at her.
"No. I want to do this now." I told her.
She just let out a sigh while looking at me.
"Eunice Ciara Suarez? Are you here?Patient Suarez?" The nurse called from the doctor's office. Her voice echoed through the almost empty hallway.
Anna smiled at me and we both went towards the doctor's office. I took a deep breath. Okay, here we go.
After that eventful night at the playground, I finally had the courage to get checked at the hospital. It took me a week to gather up all the strength to accept the truth. I need help.
During that week I avoided my friends as much as I could. After class I'd go straight to the library or at home and busy myself with school work. When Jeanny comes home, I'd pretend to be asleep. I didn't go to the restaurant as well so I can just avoid Jace. Even when I see him in the company, I'll walk the other way. Especially when I see Chase. I haven't talked to him since that night at the playground where I cried to him like a little kid who lost her toy.
I avoided them not because I hate them. I just had to. I needed time alone for myself. I don't want to be pressured by other people or my friends into doing this. Even when I need help at times like this, I believe that I always have the choice.
The doctor's office was quiet when we entered.
"Miss Suarez?" The doctor called me. He was the same doctor who took care of me after the accident. I nodded at his question.
"I never thought I’d see you again." He said as his wrinkles around his eyes smiled warmly. “Honestly, I had hoped to never see you again.” He let out a sigh.
"I had hoped so too" I replied. I took a seat on the chair in front of his desk and Anna sat on the other side.
"So what brought you here? Are you experiencing pain in your head or on the other parts of your body?" He asked. I can feel my insides turning. For a moment I couldn't seem to find my voice.
"It's okay, Eunice. You can tell me." The doctor looked at me assuringly.
I took a deep breath.
"I've been having this...uh...panic attacks." I started. "It was just once. When I was crossing the street of the accident, I..uh..felt dizzy, and, uhm... I...uhh..." My breathing gets heavier and I can't speak properly. I can also feel hot water forming in my eyes.
Anna held my hands to calm me down.
"Okay. First, take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale." The doctor instructed as he guided me. I calmed down for a bit.
"Then, uhmm...I couldn't hear properly. I just froze on the spot." I continued. The doctor just nodded. I saw him press a small button on the recorder. He must be recording this for therapy purposes. "I uh.. I thought it was just that time. But lately I--i've been..uhm... having more of these attacks when I-uh cross the street. But i-it's n-not as bad as the one I had before."
"Can you tell me why it's different? Like how different are they?" He asked.
"Uhmm..well, they uhm.. I uhhh.." I inhaled and exhaled again trying to calm myself down. "Well uhhhm..I just see things when I cross the, uhmm.. the street..b-but that's just it. Like I just snap out of it...and uhhh it becomes o-okay. But I-uh...feel worse when I cross t-the s-street of the a-accident."
He nodded again.
"Okay. That's actually good. You're not yet far. We can still get you." He said as he smiled at me. "You did a great job of coming here before it got worse." He added.
I squeezed Anna’s hand. I felt relief flush over me. What strengthened my decision to come here was my fear of it getting worse. I guess it overpowered the fear of going through it again. I guess I was more afraid of drowning than admitting that I am drowning.
"However, I cannot fully examine you since I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm a neurosurgeon and I study the brain, not the mind. I'm going to schedule you an appointment with the Psychiatric Department this week. Are you experiencing any pain in your head?" He said as he took my chart and wrote things down.
"Well, yes. When I have these attacks I feel a sharp pain in my head." I answered. He nodded once again as he jotted down my answer.
"Hmmm... that could be psychological, but to be sure, let's have you checked." He said then he called the nurse and asked her to prepare me for a CT scan.
I got up from my chair and looked at Anna. She gave me the sweetest smile assuring me that it will be okay. I followed the nurse to a room and changed my clothes. She gestured to me to lie down on a bed. I've seen these in movies.
My heart was pounding so much. What if they find something else too? Will I die at a young age? No. Stop panicking Eunice. Breathe in, breathe out.
"Well it looks like your head injury has completely healed. There are no other complications that I see. I thought an unseen injury might appear, but there's none. I'm happy about it." The doctor smiled as he showed me the test results. I'm normal. My physical body is okay. But I guess my mental health is not.
"Since we're not seeing anything, everything is now up to your mind. I've already set up a meeting with you in the Psychiatric Department on Thursday." I nodded my head as answer. Then he gave out a paper to me which seemed to say that it's a recommendation from him to another department.
"Thank you so much, doc." Anna said as she bowed her head. I did the same too.
"No problem." The doctor smiled at her. Why do I smell something sooooo fishy.
We went to the accounting department to pay for the bill of the checkup but when I got there, they declined my student health card, saying that it was already paid. That's so confusing. Who paid for it? Then Anna tapped my shoulder so I looked at her.
"I didn't tell you this cause I don't know how you'll react, and maybe it's because I also forgot about it." She said as her eyes roamed the hospital. She didn't look at me straight.
"What is it?" I asked her.
"You are insured by Jonathan's company for a year." She answered.
"What do you mean insured?" Huh?? I'm so confused. Do they have an insurance subsidiary that I don't know of?
"Well, when you were in the hospital because of the accident, Jonathan and his company's representative talked to me. Since I'm like a guardian to you, they consulted me first. They wanted to give you hospital care or insurance just in case something happens to you again because of the accident. For example, some injuries may reappear or new ones might appear. So I said yes because I don't see anything bad about it and I knew you needed it. I'm sorry for not telling you and if you feel like I'm stepping in too much I--" I didn't let her finish her explanation anymore. I know that whatever her reasons are, it's probable for my best interest. She has been like a mother to me.
"It's okay, Anna." I smiled at her. "I understand."