"What is the point of living if I'm just going to die in the end?"
I was beyond shocked when I witnessed someone jumping off the building. A piece of paper with those words written on it was flying around everywhere like it was on purpose. To make sure that others know why that person committed suicide. It was just a normal day for me until that incident happened. I was just walking to my class when suddenly that person fell on top of the car with a loud crash as I was staring at her body in horror. Her eyes were red, and her whole body was covered with blood.
Hayley was dead.
Everything around me started moving in slow motion as I couldn't feel my feet. I still can't believe that person is my roommate. My junior and someone I wish would die. Ican't seem to find the words I want to say because everything around me feels like a dream. A nightmare. Just why? What happened to her that she decided to kill herself? So suddenly? I have a lot of questions that are still waiting for an answer.
Why?
"Are you okay?"
For some reason, Simon and Thomas were there when it happened. And they noticed that I was so close to that incident that they wanted to check if I was okay. Truthfully, I was shocked. I was scared. I've made a foolish wish because I was angry. I wanted her to die, but I didn't want to see her die like that. It's terrifying. We have been questioned by the police since we were there, as a witness to her suicide. But since I was her roommate, they suspected me at first since we recently had a really big fight, but then again, I was there when she jumped, so they couldn't really say that I did it. But still, the stares and whispers I heard when someone passed me by were really suffocating.
"Murderer."
I was even called that, which was so absurd since I was too shocked to even say anything. I mean, why would they assume that I did that when I was just as surprised as they were? How am I capable of conducting a murder when I can't even finish my report on time? This is really stupid.
"Just ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about."
Simon said as he patted my head, which confuses me even more. Why is he here? What is happening? Thomas was also there, but he just gave me an apologetic smile, not bothering to say anything. It was just Simon talking to me. But I can't really say that I am listening since my mind is full of other things.
"Hey, don't cry."
I felt like crying even more when Simon pulled me into a hug. Truthfully, I don't know why I started crying since Hayley and I were never in a good relationship to begin with. So why is there this feeling inside my chest? It hurts. But I don't understand why I am feeling hurt. Did I feel guilty because I wished for her to die? I don't know anymore. Everything was terrifying.
"It's okay, don't cry."
Simon kept whispering those same words over and over again to calm me down, and somehow that made me come back to my senses and finally realise how awkward it is to be in this situation. I mean, I probably cried because I was too shocked to witness such a thing, but after a while, it feels really weird to be crying over someone who's not even close to me.
"Um, I'm alright now. Thank you."
I managed to say as Simon looked at me with worried eyes. I wonder why he did all this when we barely knew each other. And it was embarrassing to cry in front of them, of all people. I got a bunch of messages from Sarah asking if I'm alright. It seems like the news about Hayley's committing suicide has already spread around the college. Which somehow scared me since, for some reason, people have been staring at me with an unexplainable expression. I found it really hard to understand when I did nothing wrong. Just because Hayley and I had a fight, and she decided to kill herself. People seriously thought that I had something to do with that.
"Are you sure? Do you want me to call Lucas?"
Simon asked as I stared at him in confusion. Why would he do that? It's really annoying that he's messing with my head even if he's not around. I hate these feelings.
"No. I'm alright."
I replied as Thomas just gave me a weird look. For some reason, I feel like I understand what that looks about, but I don't want to admit it.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Simon asked again, and I can't help but feel troubled. Why can't he just go? This is so annoying. Thomas seemed to notice that I was somewhat annoyed with the same question, so he whispered something to Simon, which caused him to say sorry. I'm really glad now that they're gone.
"Why did you do that?"
"What makes you do that?"
"You were happy. You lived a nice life. So why?"
These thoughts have been lingering in my mind for a while now when I think about Hayley. It was just weird how she decided to kill herself when all this time, she looked nothing but happy. She was living a good life. She was rich. She got the power. So what happened?
"Sometimes those who smile the most are the ones who are silently broken. Torn apart."
I still can't get used to how Lucas suddenly showed up next to me without me realising it. Just what the heck is he? A ninja? But still, I can't help but wonder what he means by that.
"Maybe by doing that, she could finally break free from what's been suffering her. By doing that, she would finally be happy."
When Lucas said that, he had this expression that I had never seen before. He looks sad, which is weird because why would he be? But for some reason, it feels like those words he said were not meant for Hayley. But for someone else.
"I wonder what dying feels like..."
Lucas added, as he gave me a fake smile. I was wondering why he was acting so strangely, but I couldn't bring myself to ask what was wrong because I didn't understand what I was going to ask him. But still, I wondered.
Why does he look like he has lost someone dear to him?