The truth is I could have simply rejected him, but I gradually gave in... it's almost like I'm being unfaithful. But I'm at a loss for what to do. What he's doing right now terrifies me. I'm scared that I might have given in to his touch. to his sweet words, calling my name. I'm scared that I don't want this to stop. I'm scared that these thoughts are driving me crazy.
"Fuck!"
Lucas groaned as he pushed himself away from me as the people outside were calling for him. He didn't say anything to me as he just left me there, laying in my bed. I am confused about what kind of emotions I should be having right now. It's unbelievable how just a moment ago, I was touching him. It was crazy how fast things escalated to that.
"You are seriously losing your mind."
I sighed to myself as I decided to just forget about it already, even though it was really hard for me to do so. It was definitely wild. This is crazy. He is definitely crazy. I seriously can't understand why I let him do it... I mean, he could have at least told me how to pay the rent before jumping on top of me, right? It was just shocking that this happened so suddenly. This is really troubling me. It was embarrassing. I wanted to bury myself in a hole. I was drowned in my own thoughts as I got a message from Justin, my group mate for my supposedly project, that I should have almost finished writing the report but it got torn apart by someone who's currently dead.. shit. I almost forgot about what happened today with Lucas on my mind.
"Yeah, I'm on my way. See you there. Make sure you bring it with you, Justin."
I spoke on the phone, referring to the reference note he was talking about. I'm just glad that his timing is making people praise him.
"You going somewhere?"
And I almost forgot that there are other people in Lucas's house right now. I mentally curse myself for what we were doing earlier in my room.They were his club members, not all of them, but some of them. Alex, Ezekiel and another guy whose name I don't remember. I wonder what they are doing here...
"Yeah."
I replied to Ezekiel as he was the one asking that question. For some reason, I couldn't help but notice Alex sitting on Lucas' lap, smiling and laughing with him. I know what kind of relationship they were having, but still, it makes my blood boil how just a moment ago he was doing things with me while he already had someone to do that with. It makes me feel like I'm just someone he plays around with. It makes me feel humiliated somehow. Lucas didn't say anything to me and just continued on flirting with Alex. It was weird seeing him like that because I have only seen him get angry and annoyed with me. So I wonder if he was just irritated by me.. I couldn't care less. He's not even my boyfriend. Why the heck is he in my mind?
"Oh, I'm also heading out to buy some alcohol. Wanna go together?" 
Ezekiel's cute smile is driving me crazy, honestly. I can't believe how I never noticed how he's so... charming.
"Sure."
I gave him a smile as his smile grew so large that his ears turned red. I wonder if he's someone who blushes easily. But still, it was nice to be with someone who was treating me nicely. Ezekiel was somewhat talkative. I was surprised to see that since my first impression of him was that he lacked emotions on his face. He didn't smile like this when we first met, so I wonder what changed now.
"So, when are you going back?"
Ezekiel asked as he told me that they're probably still be in Lucas's house to drink since they don't have class tomorrow. That must be nice. I wish I could also take it easy.
"Probably around midnight..."
I trailed off, not actually wanting to go back to that house. I don't know, somehow being there is suffocating. I keep on getting dragged into Lucas's game, and it's making me feel things that I wasn't supposed to. So I don't think that me being there is a good idea.
"Oh... I'll see you soon then."
Ezekiel's smile seriously brings joy to my sullen world. Well, I don't mean it literally. But he really looks cute when he smiles, and it makes my heart full. Seeing him happy makes me want to be happy too. So, let's stay positive! Mia, you can do this!! I mentally said this to myself as I can't help but think his smile is so contagious that I'm no longer in a foul mood because of him. We parted ways at the convenience store. Ezekiel looks like he wanted to say something, but he kept on hesitating. It makes me confused. Instead, he just stood there. He waved his hand at me, looking like a little kid. God, he's so cute. For a moment, I feel like I've seen him somewhere.. but I just can't seem to recall that memory. I wonder if I really did have that kind of memory with him. That would be absurd since we literally just met in their club. Though I wonder about that...