Well, that was embarrassing.
Thinking about it made me lose my mind. I really do need help. Oh my god. And seeing Lucas blushing for the first time is really a sight to remember. Like really.
"Shall we go then?"
Lucas asked as he grabbed his bag. I'm glad that he's okay now. I seriously can't believe that just yesterday, he was crying and saying how tiring it is to live. But now, he looked more refreshed. I wonder if it has anything to do with what we did....
"Call me when you're done with class."
He added, This makes me wonder. What kind of relationship are we having now? I wanted to ask him that. But I was scared because what if he said we're in a fuck and go relationship? I don't know if I was able to keep up with that. I mean, I admit it. I may like him. But I don't know if I was ready for a relationship... Of course, being with him would be amazing. But.. I don't know. It just feels like something is missing.
I did like him.
But is that enough?
I mean, there are still a lot of things that I don't know about him. His life, his feelings. His family. I have a lot of questions that I'm terrified to ask. He had always scared me, but somehow, I could never push him away. Is something wrong with me? Is it me? I don't know what else to say. My life with him was different. I thought that he was happy. But after seeing him looking so vulnerable... I don't know what to say. He was suffering. He had been for so long. I wonder what he is feeling right now. I wonder if he's okay? I was surprised when he said that he wanted to be in love with me. shocked. because it was too hard to believe since all we had been doing was arguing with each other.
So I wonder when he started to feel that way.
"You're here? Wait for me."
When Lucas said that to me, I wondered what was going on inside his head. Even his friends were staring at us weirdly. Ezekiel was looking at us with an expression that I can't really explain. He looks somewhat angry, but why? I don't understand what is going on right now. Everything feels like it happened so fast that I'm still processing.
"Wait, did you guys start to date or something?"
Sarah's eyes watched me as I stood at the door, waiting for Lucas. Well, he did ask me to wait for him, but I wonder why I didn't say no. But do I really need to say no? I don't know. Being in a relationship With Lucas? I don't know about it since we don't really know much about each other.
It scared me.
But still, I wanted to try and fall for him too. Am I being selfish?
"No..."
I said as I hadn't really replied to Lucas's confession. He told me that he could wait, but his actions are so different from what he told me. He was indeed impatient. He was rude, selfish, a freaking bastard and really perverted. So I wonder what makes him so special.
Why did I like him?
I wonder when it happened...
"Did you wait long?"
Lucas was smiling. Seeing him smile genuinely was rare. All this time, I could only see him forcing a smile. I don't know why I knew that... But it just feels forced. The way he acts, I can't really tell what he will do. I don't even know what he is thinking. So I can only assume.
He was rude, but I don't mind since I can't really say that I'm not
He was like a pest in my life that I couldn't get rid of, so why am I feeling this? Why is my heart so full whenever I see him? Why does being with him make me happy?
What makes me happy?
I wonder about that.
"There's this weird looking bird I saw earlier. Look at this."
Lucas, said as he showed me a photo. It is weird, but he was even weirder. I never knew that someone's smile could make me feel like this...
He looks happy.
It was nice to see him smiling and laughing.
Maybe being with him isn't such a bad idea. Maybe we really do need each other to be happy... I wonder about that.
"Lucas."
I said as he was now staring at me, looking at me with curiosity.
"About your confession..."
As his eyes widened, I trailed off. Is he nervous about my answer? Oh my god. He was waiting for my answer. He looked calm, but he was actually nervous. How cute.
How admirable.
"I like you too."
I said, as his ears were red. I can't believe that he could also make that kind of face. That was surprising. If he looks so happy, how am I supposed to react?
"Fuck. My heart felt like it was about to burst."
Lucas said as he pulled me into a hug. I wanted to see his face, but he kept saying that he'd be embarrassed if I did. I wonder if he realises the way he's acting now is so cute...
He was so cute.
Although I don't really know what will happen to us now, I would like to see what happened. To us, to our future. Maybe we could save each other by being together? By being together, we could complete each other's lives.
Thinking about it again, the moment we met each other does feel like destiny wanted us to meet each other... I can't help but recall what he told me before.. maybe we really did meet in a previous life? Maybe we already knew each other from back then? Maybe we were together then too? I wonder about that. It was absurd and hard to believe, but it was fun to think about it. It was nice.
"You're making me blush."
Surprisingly, Lucas was so cute. I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. Maybe it's not him who's perverted, but it's me. Since I never really rejected him when he did something to me... FUCK. Realization hurts like a bitch. And the fact that I was no longer afraid, like the first time he had his hand on my neck, made me even more confused. Did I like being hurt? I wonder about that...
"I'm going back to my hometown this weekend. I just thought I would let you know."
I said as I remembered that I was supposed to go back home and meet my mother. I wonder if his relationship with his parents is doing well.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
When he said that, I can't help but wonder; it's not even a month yet and we're already progressing so much. This speed is making me worry, but still, I wonder what would happen if he really did go with me?
"Do you want to?"
I mean, I would love it if he would go with me and meet my mother. Although this feels too good to be true, It would be nice to spend time with him as a couple.
Right?
"Let's go together."
Hearing him say that makes my heart flutter. Somehow, I was glad that this happened. Meeting him, being his roommate.
Being the one he fell in love with.
However, I do wonder if his feelings for me are the same as what I felt for him. There are still a lot of things about him that I don't know. We're still new to this, and I would want to have faith in us. In him.
"Can you imagine how the us from before would be so shocked to see us right now?"
Lucas exclaimed, as he had the biggest smile on his face. This still feels like a dream, somehow, if it really was. I hope I don't wake up from this illusion.
"The me from before would curse me so much that I would end up bleeding my ears hearing her nags."
I said as we both laughed. I mean, look at us now. How did it become like this? How did we end up like this? It was strange and yet...so pretty. Living with Lucas was pretty fun, although he is annoying... I don't really hate that about him. He makes my life even more fun. That's what he is.
I don't know if this is love.
But being together right now, At this moment, I am more than happy. He makes me happy. He makes me angry. He makes me wonder.
I wanted to know more about him.
The reason he cried
The reason behind his fake smiles
The reason he became the way he is now
I wanted to know everything. To learn about the person who seems to be breaking down, suffering. I wanted to make him feel like he didn't need those kinds of emotions. I wanted him to feel like he wanted to enjoy this life with me.
I wanted to save him.
"I love you."
I never thought I would hear those words coming from his mouth, like... FUCK. He makes me go crazy.
"I love you so much."
I don't know what the future holds for us, but for now,
We were happy. I hope that we can stay like this.
"You're so cheeky."
He was smiling as he pulled me into his arms. It was weird, honestly, to suddenly be in this kind of relationship when just earlier we were doing things that should be done later... Oh my god. I can't believe how we're both just the same. It makes me go crazy just thinking about the things that we were going to do now that we're in a relationship.
I wanted to be the one he would be able to call home.
"Would you believe me if I told you we'd met before, in a previous life?" Hearing him say that again makes me smile. I can't believe how this guy ended up being the guy who makes my heart feel so full. "We're going on an adventure to find our way back home.. isn't it?" I joked, making him laugh in return. How nice if it's actually happened... I wonder what "home" even means to us. To Lucas, I wonder if he's finding his way back home yet. Well, that's a story for another time. For now, I'm just glad that we're able to laugh together.
"I love you."
This is more than enough.