I collapsed and threw myself on the sofa as soon as I got home. I’ve never been this exhausted in my whole life. I closed my eyes for a few minutes before I heard my brother’s voice.
    Since I got home early, I’m sure Jacques is still in the nursery at home with his tutor. At an early age, my older brother made sure that he was learning little by little. He couldn’t focus, so we just hired a tutor who dad also recommended.
    “You should rest, Av.”
    My heart quickly softened at what Kuya Jac said. Ever since he has really been my running mate, he was my enemy when I was bothered by other things. He knew all my misfortunes, but then, he stayed with me. He still never gets tired of proving that he is there for me.
    When was the last time I greeted him? He suffered a lot. It is not easy to raise a child who has done nothing but find his mom.
    Whenever I think of that thing, my chest also closes for my older brother. He doesn’t deserve that.
    “What are you looking at?”
    Instead of being annoyed, I just laughed as he raised an eyebrow. It was even more strange that he was there. “Have you  eaten, Brother?”
    “I should be the one asking you that. Where did you go?” He couldn’t finish what he was saying because I immediately hugged him.
    We are the best type of siblings. We’re not really the ones fighting. Sometimes, we get together, and I’m really his pick. But then, I love this guy so much. I won’t trade him for anyone.
    “I hate it, Avery−”
    “Let’s have a drink. My treat.”
***
    We found ourselves in Jacques’ small playground. We sat side by side on the small swing, holding a beer. We can’t do it often but I’m so happy we still had a chance. 
    “What’s bothering you?” My older brother’s serious voice is my signal that we should really be serious.
    I sighed a few times before saying, “Nothing. I’ve been thinking about random things.”
    “Random things about?”
    “Life,” I didn’t say to myself. I just drank one after another.
    Actually, I feel really empty the past few days. I almost laugh when I realized I’ve been empty for several years now.
    “Avery, go directly to the point–”
    “What if I didn’t lose my memories?” I immediately noticed my older brother’s squealing and silence. “What if that didn’t happen, and I’m still okay, I remember everything? Kuya, my life will surely become better,” I added.
    I’ve been really empty without my memories. It’s tiring. Tiresome to repeatedly force me. It’s frustrating that every day I wake up, I hope I might already remember everything.
    No one told me what really happened that day, as the doctor had ordered. He said that it would still be with me because my memory might be forced to return.
    But then, little by little, mommy and dad have to answer my questions about where I studied before, who my friends are, my interests and hobbies.
    Beyond that, I haven’t asked them yet. I tried to become contented with what I know, right now. I just can’t help but to feel empty.
    It was only a few years of my life, but I feel, so much is missing.
    That accident happen fifteen years ago, when I got hit by a car. I already have flashes of that scene, but my head still really hurts when I’m forced, or worse I’m still fainting, so I’ve stopped for a long time.
    There’s just really a time that I feel sad about it.
    For a few minutes, no one talked. We almost took turns drinking silently.
    The more I think about it. I feel like I get even more tired.
    My earlier situation with the Carter family flashed through my mind. My past. . . I know it’s been horrible. I don’t know completely what happened, but I know it’s not good to go back.
    Mommy is right. I need to ask myself, is Cormac’s past really important? He may also be like my past that I just want to bury in oblivion.
    ‘Is the past really important? What if he’s not the type of person who likes to dwell on the past?’ Mommy’s words kept playing on my mind.
    “Stop the project with Cormac Carter, Av.” It was as if Kuya Jac could see the inside of my mind when he said that.
    I quickly faced him and then frowned. “Why?”
    “He’s no good for the project. You will only suffer. Give up, now. While there is still time, find someone else.”
    I’ve been thinking about that, too. It’s just, can we still find others? Can we still find someone as interesting as him?
    “I will help you find another person who is fit for the documentary, but please, Av, don’t go near the guy again,” my older brother demanded very seriously. 
    Why? Does he know the man?
    “Why? Do you, perhaps, know him?”
    I saw the change in his expression, and I got more curious about it. “You don’t like him, do you? You’ve met in the last time and threatened him–”
    “You need to listen, Av. Change your plans. Call Miss Cassandra that you will change it to someone else. I could send him a list of persons you can ask and convince,” he said quickly. Kuya Jac’s restlessness is visible. He seems to panic. “Here, I have some–”
    “Kuya.”
    “–Initial list that can fit your own criteria. All of that is successful and has an inspiring story for AFA–”
    “Kuya Jac!” I couldn’t stop but to scream. “What’s with that, huh? Can you please tell me your reason? You weren’t like that with the people we hired for the interview back then.”
    He hung his head low. I never thought of what it would say next. Not long after, he silently stood up in his seat. “Stop, Av. Find someone who can be the best for the documentary. He’s no good.”
    I quickly stood up to follow him, but then I thought how true those words were. A week has been wasted of our time, and to this day, I still know we have nothing to gain.
    A sudden vibration of my phone hindered my thoughts. That’s a call from Ma’am Cassandra.
    When I stopped the plan with Cormac, I will really stop seeing him. I don’t even have to pretend and pay attention to her parents anymore. Maybe, we could find someone you’ll give her/himself for the documentary as well.
    “Avery–”
    “Ma’am Cassandra. . . We should give up. Let’s just find someone else, Ma’am. a person who can value us too, a person who’s willing to make an effort. . . to help us.”
    Maybe, my brother is right. If we start looking for others now, we will definitely not be caught in the timeframe. We can still catch up, and we don’t have to hurry when it happens.
    I really felt tired about this, too. There seems to be no hope. . . I don’t know the next plan for him to agree so it’s good that we just find someone else.
    “What? What happened? I just got a call from the C.C Cars! They agreed, Avery. They have already agreed to the documentary!”