This is… Surprising
I remember looking at Hanni as I crouched and fumbled for my hatchet, thinking why she was not moving at all. I turned my sights around just in time to see Litoc tripping. A loud thud followed as he landed face first, the sword clanging on the stone floor.
I was by his side the next moment. Hanni kicked Barb below the bed.
“Annun’s hairy arse.” Litoc swore as we hoisted him by the pit of his shoulders into one of the chairs beside the bed.
“Driver, if you don’t control yourself now-”
“’s’all I am to ye. Ye wavin’ ungrateful wavin’-” Litoc interrupted Hanni but was unable to finish his own thought.
“I don’t know what it is you’re thinking, driver, but if you insist in being foolish this night, I will cripple you myself. Do you want that? Be stuum the rest of your life?”
It sounded like a threat. Coming from Hanni, it should have sounded like a threat. But it didn’t. There was a softness there, a gentleness unlike anything I’ve seen in her. She pushed Litoc against the backrest and grabbed his chin, inspecting it for injuries. There was blood pouring from his nose. Hanni pulled Litoc’s shirt up and wiped it. She then straightened his shirt then kept her hand on his shoulder to keep him from bending forward. She cared.
“Abrak. Abrak.” Litoc kept repeating.
He changed from aggressive to contrite quick. Moments later, Litoc was wailing and sobbing uncontrollably. I looked at the people crowding the door and signaled. I nodded to Jakeli and Tukru. They left, shutting the door behind them.
I needed a drink myself. I picked up a cup on the floor as I went for the table. I filled two cups, drank one, filled it again and approached the two, handing one cup to Hanni. To my surprise, she gave the cup to Litoc.
“Here, finish the night.” She said.
Litoc accepted the cup and drank it all in one go, muttering nonsense as he finished. Hanni took the cup and thrust it towards me, she took the other cup and put it in Litoc’s hands. He did not drink immediately but continued muttering gibberish. Catching on what Hanni wanted to do, I went and took the jug from the table and pulled a chair opposite Litoc’s.
“’smy fault. I shouldn’t ‘ave come back ‘ere. I shouldn’t ‘ave.”
To say he was torn up, emotionally, was an understatement. I had an idea how close he was to the man but was not prepared for just how much he treasured the late seneschal.
“It’s not your fault Litoc. None of this is.”
“But it is! It is. Isn’t it? If I, if I didn’t come ‘ere ‘e would still be breathin’. Broke ‘is old ‘eart. Let ‘im down fer the last time.”
I’ve had my share of drunken confessions. I’ve watched people cry, like the world was ending, over the smallest, most inconsequential things. People blaming themselves, airing out their insecurities, obsessing over things they had no control of. Those experiences always felt awkward, even when I was drunk myself. This, strangely, did not.
While Litoc went on to drunkenly recite things about the kingdom, his parents, the crown itself, I reflected on how seemingly strange this situation with Litoc was. He spent his early years under the steward’s tutelage, yes, but by his own admission, he had not seen the man for two decades, give or take a few years. Is it possible to feel as connected?
This line of thought led me to examine my own relationships in my previous life as Litoc droned on. I poured wine automatically when Hanni thrust the cup towards me but my thoughts where elsewhere. Although, as soon as I started working, I preferred to live alone, I did, value my family. I may not have checked on them as much as I could have but I made sure I was able to help whenever I was needed. There were times though, I admitted to myself, that I forgot about them. Especially in times when nothing really happened. Long stretches without contact. I didn’t miss them, I didn’t think of them. It has led me to believe, perhaps stupidly at one point, that that’s all there is to relationships – to need and to be needed.
Before me was a man who has not needed or was needed by the person he most looked up to, for two decades. And he wept like they have not been away from each other for more than an hour. He did not even shed a tear when his parent’s died.
Is this what a real connection looks like? Feels like?
“… an’ ‘swhy ‘e needs ta die.”
His inflection took me out of my musings.
“What?”
“Amreth Jorj! Amreth… wavin’ basterd.”
I must have zoned out because I could not follow his logic. I looked at Hanni with a raised brow. She just shrugged.
“What’s the king of Khevernak have to do with this?”
“It’s all ‘is… all ‘is doin’ isn’t it?”
“I fail to see the connection Litoc.”
“’ow can ye not see the wavin’ thin’?” He exclaimed then drank some more. “’e ‘ad the kin’ an’ queen killed, ‘sbrought me ‘ere. ‘sbrought me ‘ere. An’ ‘e sees me. ‘e sees me an’ thinks I’m back. ‘e dies from sorrow.”
“Even I can see that’s quite a stretch, a long stretch.” I replied.
“’e must be made to pay Jorj. I don’t care who ‘e is, I can get ta ‘im an’ I will make ‘im pay.” Litoc intoned between sobs.
“You will risk the peace between the kingdoms.”
“Oh I can get ta him, I can. Just ye watch. Just ye-” he drank again.
“I doubt that. Khever-”
“He killed my father! My father Jorj!” Litoc shouted, throwing the metal cup down on the floor hard enough for it to bounce and land on the bed.
There it is, you’re finally coming to terms with it.
Despite my initial shock at the sudden outburst, I was relieved to hear him say those words. Whatever it was that happened between him and his parents, it was all coming up now, bubbling to the surface. Unspoken things, unfinished business, things that could have been done but wasn’t. All the issues, all the pain he was hiding. I found my eyes were starting to water, but I was glad he was letting it out.
“… my father. ‘e killed ‘im, the basterd.”
I gave a weak smile to Hanni as I emptied the cup I was holding, poured another and gave it to her.
“’e was the only one, the only one… that cared.”
What?
I didn’t know if I was hearing things but that led me to lean forward. Litoc, in his drunken way, kept repeating it. I was confused for a second.
Then it me.