The Secrets That You Keep
Year of the Golden Gilled Boar, 1983, Kliloln, Misng 26th
… they searched the whole kingdom for bastards.
Havin’ basterds is the greatest thin’ in the world to ‘ave if yer a king.
All the words. They swirled in my head like a dizzying display. Like a whirlpool in the middle of a lake. Everything that has ever been said about it.
‘snot fer me, Jorj.
Not fer the basterd, but fer the king? Certainly.
Everything around me disappeared into the background – the sights, the sounds. They all got bundled into one category and that category was unimportant. Unlike the realization that was unfolding in my mind.
There’re people watching Jorj!
… their records are quite extensive
… ‘e would ‘ave made a great father.
… no basterd siblings. I really am, just the one.
Jesus Fucking Christ!
“Sa! Jorj!”
Hanni brought me back to the present, shaking me by the shoulders. The empty chair in front of me caused my brows to knot. I looked back at the bed to find Litoc slumped facedown.
“Sorry. I was just… thinking of something.”
My throat had gone dry. I reached for the cup and on the chair in front of me and poured myself a drink.
“Where did you go?”
“What?”
“You were gone for some moments. Where did you go?”
“Everywhere.” I replied, drinking another cup.
“You plan on sharing?”
“Huh?”
“The wine, Jorj.”
“Oh! Ah, yes, here.”
I poured some wine on the cup she took from the bed. She sat opposite me and drank.
“What did you find?” She asked. “Wherever it was you went to.”
I debated whether it was proper for me to share it. Litoc, had he not gone into a drunken craze surely would not have shared it. He had plenty of opportunities to do so, the last being the previous night. I decided to tell her.
“He’s Juwen’s son.”
I watched her intently to see how she would react. She looked to the side for a second then drank from her cup.
“We all have secrets Jorj.”
“You don’t seem surprised.” I pointed out.
“What surprised me was knowing he was the heir to the throne and left. That almost never happens.”
“This is not surprising?”
“No. This is the explanation why he left. Besides, you live long enough and hardly anything is surprising.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what you just told me was within the possibilities, one of the reasons why he left.”
“So, you’ve considered it?”
“No, not this. Other things but not this.”
Having been able to share what bogged down my thought processes, my mind started to connect things again, one after the other.
“This is not looking good.” I voiced out.
“For him? For us?”
“For everyone. Hanni, this man followed us halfway through the kingdom to find a child he barely knew! He continued on despite us disappearing halfway. I mean, yes, he did have his motives, I guess, and he says he’s scared of you but-”
“He said that? The driver is afraid of me? Ha!”
“I’m glad you find that amusing because I do too but you’re focusing on the wrong thing here.”
“Tell me then.”
“If he did that for someone he barely knew, you and I included, imagine what he can do for family!”
“He said it.”
“You don’t think he’ll do it?”
“He will most likely do it. And he will likely fail.”
“Of course he’ll fail. The whole thing is crazy! That’s what I’m saying. This isn’t good. For anyone!”
“I don’t see why you’d trouble yourself with it Jorj. By the time he’s done doing what he says he will do, whether he succeeds or not, it will have been months. Years even. It might lead to war, it might not. Better if we leave. Let the royals deal with their problems.”
“That’s the thing,” I replied, “it’s suicide and I don’t think I can leave him to it.”
He Ain’t Heavy
“I appreciate ye Jorj, I do,” Litoc said while he secured his mount’s equipment, “but I’m decided. An’ I apologize fer my conduct last night. Can ye please just ferget ‘bout… that?”
“I can excuse your behavior, it is certainly understandable, but I cannot turn a blind eye on what you’re planning to do Litoc.”
“Thought ye didn’t care fer the kingdom.”
“I don’t. I care about it staying as it is to some degree. But I care more about the people I’m with, and that includes you.”
“Abrak Jorj. If ye ‘ave a better plan, let me know in a shift ‘cause that’s ‘ow long it’ll take me ta get things sorted. The kingdom be damned, Amreth will pay.”
There is no logic in emotion, my boss used to say. I found it to be somewhat true over the years. It was certainly true with Litoc and while I have thought about arguments to make him see he had a case of slightly misdirected anger going on, I knew he would not have received it well.
“Then make sure you come back to the castle every day until then.” I replied, not really sure where I was going with that.
“Really Jorj, ye don’t ‘ave to. I will arrange fer ye ta return ta Osea. As comfortable as possible. With soldiers guardin’, if ye like.”
“You’re going to get yourself killed, I’m not taking that offer until I know I’ve done what I can. Besides, I promised Jibel you were coming. He’s looking forward to many things you can teach him, whatever it is you’re teaching him.”
“Yes, ‘e does seem ta enjoy learnin’, that child. Na abrak, I ‘ave ta go.”
Litoc mounted his steed and rode away. I had thought about approaching Tukru first, him being the closest person to Litoc I know of, but he was nowhere to be found come morning. So, it was Jakeli next. Thankfully, his princely duties hasn’t called him off for the day yet.
“This is a predicament, a weighty one at that.” Said Jakeli.
The prince, much like me, didn’t seem to have had sleep. He raised the question of why Litoc was acting the way he was but answered it himself by saying justifying how the seneschal and his cousin were close.
“Do you have anything that can dissuade him? Anything at all?”
“I do, but he won’t listen to them if he didn’t listen to you.”
“Why is that?”
“Because everything I have to tell him involves the kingdom and its people, which makes this strange. If he is of the guild, if he is the guild like he claimed, my cousin’s been working to the benefit of the people since he left.”
“You don’t sound convinced. About the guild, I mean.”
“Do you know anything about the guild?” He asked, without looking at me.
“No,” I admitted, “I only learned about it, for certain, a few nights ago.”
“For certain?”
“I overheard a conservation once alluding to it. There wasn’t much to the claims.”
The prince nodded to himself for a while then exhaled loudly through his mouth.
“I wasn’t sure it existed either. My father and the late king didn’t want to talk about it, that was enough to think it probably existed.”
“Listen Jakeli, I only care that Litoc doesn’t get himself killed. It seems there’s no talking him out of it. Do you know a way?”
“Short of seeing the king of Khevernak suffer? No. You are right in thinking he will get himself killed for he most likely will.”
“Even with the guild at his side?”
“Even with the guild. The least worst situation, if he goes along with it, is it doesn’t get followed back to Silaron but, if my cousin is like this, it will followed back.”
“And that will be justification for war.”
“It won’t be a war. It will be a massacre, a pillaging. Given justification, Khevernak will not hesitate to take what it can and it can take all of Silaron, and no other kingdom will or can stand in its way.”
“You seem to be certain it will be traced back, why is that?” I asked, curious about the lack of doubt in his statements.
“You mean aside from Amreth Sivan being the king of the largest kingdom in all these lands, nevermind being the most highly guarded man anyone knows of? Aside from Khevernak having the largest number of soldiers and spies?”
“We did get to you.” I replied, shrugging.
“You got caught is what you did, and you got that far only because you knew where to go exactly.” He answered, one hand reaching for his thigh, unconsciously.
“You didn’t address my question.”
He had a point but perhaps owing to the nature of their stations, Litoc and Jakeli seemed to be adept at evading questions while answering them. He sighed.
“If Erdimal wasn’t with you, and after all that you still got away, Silaron would have pinned it on Khevernak. Had we not come up with a better spin, as you put it, I would have already sent criers through the kingdoms decrying Khevernak’s actions, with or without evidence.”
“What’s the point? You said it yourself, bringing charges against another kingdom is a costly affair and might come back to you in the end.”
“What else is there to do? We know what they’re doing, we know they’re becoming aggressive. I mean, aside from what you came up with, it would have been a sure way downhill. Why not fight and drag it all out, even if it costs Silaron?”
I liked that answer, although I wasn’t sure why. Die trying, I’m guessing that had something to do with it. But he still did not answer my question.
Goddammit, how do I keep falling for it?
“Just answer my question straight, will you? Why are you so sure it will be blamed on Silaron?”
“Two things. One, they are already pursuing Silaron. So even if they have no evidence, they will call for the kings to convene and with their influence, it will likely be bad for us. They have the resource for it too. The kings can drag it as long as they want, it won’t bother Khevernak’s coffers. Two, Erdimal and Amreth know each other. We know each other.”
I will admit, that took long for me to register. Of course they know each other. They’re royals. It certainly explains why they call him by name. In the hopes of lessening my chances of being called an idiot, I decided to withdraw from Jakeli’s temporary room.
“I will need something to write with and something to write on. Have it sent to our quarters.”
“Really Jorj, you shouldn’t waste your time on this. If the worst is to come, it would be better for you to be as far away from this castle as possible.”
“Don’t get me wrong Jakeli, I care for none of these,” I gestured vaguely, “but we are talking about a man who, despite having only known me for months, came all this way to right a wrong. Well, some kind of wrong. I cannot in good conscience let him walk to his death if there is something I can do.”
“Is there something you can do?”
“I don’t waving know!” I lashed out. “But I will try. Now you make sure I get what I need so I can get it done.”
He regarded me curiously for a while, silence between us.
“I am the prince, the next king, you know. Would it be hard to accord me just a little respect Jorj?” He asked. Curiously, without a tinge of emotion in his tome.
“My respect goes to the person and their deeds, not the title.” I replied coldly.
“And, I suppose I haven’t done anything yet to earn that. Are you serious though? You and Erdimal only know each other for months?”
“Yes.”
“And he risked his life for you, and the child, which I assume both of you has only known for months too. You are all so… strange,” he trailed, getting lost in his thoughts, “Very well, I shall send for what you need. How’s the messenger doing, if I may ask?”
“Brun,” I responded impatiently, “Cheki’s doing a fine job.”
“San, san. That’s it then? You’re going to imprison yourself in your quarters all day and try to find a solution that may or may not help the kingdom?”
“As opposed to doing what?”
“Maybe try something new? Again? At the kitchens?”
“Seriously? You’re thinking of that? Now?”
“If all these is going to be claimed by dirt anyway…” he shrugged while throwing up his hands in defeat.
It was relatable and funny to consider but it wasn’t without merit. His attitude made me loosen up. Why not have some moments of bliss while enjoying what little left there is to enjoy?
“The cook will be sending you something today. Not much, but it should be better than yesterday’s attempt. Tomorrow’s going to be better.”
“Why? What are we having tomorrow?”
“Something the peasants have been enjoying for hundreds of years.”
“I see. I shall look forward to it then.”
I gave him a nod and turned to exit. It would serve me well to give the man some deference, I noted. He knew many things I could only hope to know about the kingdom, in the same way that he didn’t know many things of the daily lives of his subjects. Jakeli would do well as king, I decided. He was just caught in a difficult situation.
Wait a goddamn minute!
I turned back and fixed him a stare although he wasn’t looking, the idea forming in my head.
“You had a gartutri guarding you! How in the waving maelstroms did the king and queen not have one?”
“They had. They always have. At least two, all the time.”
“There wasn’t one. There were only the guards, and the woman!”
He turned his gaze to me, smiled, and nodded.
“And they were shaken to their cores.” He said.
Oh for fuck’s sake!