Matthews Dunlop.
"Hurry up!" Mom kept screaming at me to come out of the bathroom but I kept her on hold. We had two bathrooms in the house but the other was occupied by my dad. The only moment I planned to have inner peace to myself but my mom made it her mission to ruin it by coincidence.
I was done with the feeling in me, the feeling of not being good enough and having it all. Everything evolved around Elena and I disliked it. My regrets started to set in, something I have been trying to avoid for a long time. I never wanted to have any second thoughts about being with Elena become all I had were true feelings but what if this wasn't supposed to happen?
My phone was with me in the bathroom. I wasn't trying to take a bathroom or freshen up, probably the reason I was taking forever to get out of there. My eyes were glued to my phone screen as I looked at pictures and videos in my gallery about Elena and me. The fun times we had and the moment where we got crazy and documented it, mostly the time we were so close before our relationship took a promotion.
This took me back to times when we were living our lives like nothing mattered when we were both together. Just like the ice cream date we had recently to celebrate her win. We took videos of us singing and laughing while we scooped our ice cream into our mouths. There was this one song we liked singing together when we were kids, as long as you love me by Justin Bieber, the lyrics always bring back any lost connection we thought was gone and keep it intact.
There were a lot of pictures to glance at as my hands kept scrolling. It made me realize how we are when we had each other's company. We enjoyed having fun and there was no room for bad energy or argument. Maybe I was taking things too far with my actions but she needed to see my side too.
"What do you think you're doing?" Mom jacked the door open and got me worked up. I nearly screamed for help thinking someone was planning an attack on me while I heard the sound of the door opening. I thought I asked her to wait till dad finished using the other bathroom.
"Mom what do you think you're doing? My focus switched to her face but my heart rate increased. That feeling when you're caught doing something you shouldn't be doing, was me in that state.
"I told you to hurry up because you're getting late for school but you think I want to use the bathroom." Oh, I guessed so quickly. She should have been specific when she was screaming at top of her voice to get me out of there.
"Well you can see mom, I'm kind of busy and I'm not that late," I took a glimpse of my phone screen just to realize time has gone passed me. It didn't matter since I never wanted to go to school anyway.
"Busy? I have been hearing voices coming from your device for like five minutes now. I taught you were watching something else. You know how you teenagers can be." I couldn't believe my ears even though her words were funny. Of all places, she thought I was watching pornography in the bathroom? I must have been tripping.
"So you were eavesdropping? Mom, not cool," I said to her with a frowning face. My privacy should be respected. I wasn't a child anymore and she knew that.
"I'm sorry dear. I was only worried and I couldn't help it." She sounded helpless and I could understand where it was coming from. I would also be worried if my child was seen staying in the bathroom for long for his/her reasons. "What are you even doing?"
"Nothing!" I was firmed with my words while I was in denial. At this point, she needed not to know about my problems with Elena for it will cause her to ask a series of questions I was avoiding answering.
"I know it's about you and Elena. I'm your mother, Matthews. Things don't just stay hidden from me. I have my ways."
Oh shit! She was right. My mom loved to be involved with what was happening to the people around her especially when they were down. It helped her with ways to assist them with any solution they require then but my issues needed no solution. Elena and I just need to realize that we can't do without each other then we will be back together easily peezy.
"You were watching videos of you guys hanging out together and also looking at your pictures. I know you miss her. You need to do the right thing," Mom said with a short smile. I sat there on the edge of the bathtub, refusing to believe what my mom said was true. I didn't miss her or maybe I did but she doesn't have to know that.
"No mom. You're wrong. I was just planning on deleting all of these. I just need my space from her and that's it," I answered with unmeasurable confidence, feeling unbothered for my lies not to be detected. It seemed to be going on pretty well and mom was buying it.
"Oh really?" She asked, looking a bit shocked. "Alright then. Can I have your phone please?" She asked politely, something she would have ordered from me on a normal day. I felt it was weird but I overlooked it. I did as she requested and watched her take a look at my phone contents.
"You want to delete this, don't you?" She smirked and looked at me again, just to be sure I was saying the truth.
"Yes sure," Still unbothered about anything. Just answer her question and avoid eye contact.
"Alright I'll help you delete them permanently," she went high pitch on her last word. "You're taking time to delete it so let me help you do it quickly. What do you think?"
This got me all tensed and confused at the same time. What does mom think she's doing? She was either going to find out that I was bluffing to look tough or I was lying. One of the two was going to be revealed by my next action.
"Alright then you're free," I turned my back to her. These words seemed to taste sour in my mouth. Lying can be pretty hard but what do I have to lose?
"Are you sure?" She asked again, just to make sure she heard me clearly and I replied by nodding my head in affirmation.
"Okay then I'll be deleting it for you," Now she was about to start a countdown. "In three, two, one–"
"Stop!" I exclaimed, reaching out to her hand to snatch the phone from her. She didn't have a strong grip so it was easy to get the phone off her hands.
"Fine! I don't want to okay? I miss her and I want things to be back to normal. I just feel vulnerable right now because I can't fix things. I don't know what to do mom," The beans were spilled right in front of my eyes, so much for being a hard guy. I felt like a balloon filled with water. Just one poke and the water gets spilled from it.
"Oh come here baby," Mom spread her hands wide to welcome a hug from me. It was irresistible that I had to give in. The hug gave me a bit of comfort and for that time, I found peace of mind since I said everything that was bothering me. I was glad I had my mom by my side. She was the best and she knew that.
"Look at me," She said holding my face softly with both hands. "If you want to make things right, you should talk to her. Don't let your pride get in the way of a beautiful union. Listen to your heart and do what's right. Okay?" I hugged her again but this time it was tighter. She could understand me from everything I said and she knew the right words to say which were all true. At that moment I loved her more, she was everything I could ask for.
"I love you mom," I muttered under my breath, sighing while she comforted me in her arms.
******
The bell rang for the last class of the day. All juniors and seniors moved at their own suitable pace to get to their classes before the teachers' arrival. On my part, I was getting my books for the last class of the day, Business class. I didn't see Elena most of the time and when our eyes met, she was either trying to get a meal for fat away from where I sat. The farther I was, the more I felt us breaking apart. Mom's advice kept ringing in my head. All I wanted to do was get a chance to clear things out and get back together. It shouldn't be that hard.
My mind was made up. I walked to the class with my confidence in check, making sure that no matter where she was, I'd get the chance to talk to her and give her my assurance. I overreacted at the dinner night and I truly regret my actions for being selfish. One thing she needed to know was that I love her very much
I got to the entrance of the door and my eyes caught Elena right in her actions. She was seen checking her notes and trying to read a few things before the teacher came to class. An opportunity I shouldn't miss. I adjusted the blue shirt I put on and held my book to my chest. A part of me was tensed, for I might lose my words when we get the time to talk. A little breathing in and out and all will be fine.
She noticed me sitting next to her on the empty seat aside. It distracted her from what she seemed busy doing since she wasn't expecting me by her side. Her mouth was opened in the shape of an O without her uttering a word. She got herself together and focus her gaze on her note in other not to get her hopes up. I had a feeling she was having second thoughts about my presence or she was planning on getting another seat. Either way, I should be prepared for what I was about to do.
Everyone in class waited for the teacher's arrival. Someone started to chitchat with their seat partners but my table seemed the quietest in the room. I wondered to myself, if the teacher was taking so much time to get to class, I then should probably use this chance to talk to Elena. My eyes were closed just for a few seconds and I took a deep breath.
"Hi, Elena," Awkward. I never greet Elena in such a manner but no offense taken. I was trying to settle a misunderstanding.
"Matthews," she answered with excitement which was hard to notice but I was more of a detective. "Hope you're doing great?"
"Yes, I'm. I hope you're too?" I asked back. It wasn't bad to know about her well-being. We were in the moment of exchanging pleasantries. "I have missed you."
She kept silent, maybe I uttered something bad. She was less shocked by the looks on her face. I was way too quick to get to that part of the conversation.
"Erm Elena! Can I talk to you just for a minute?"
"I also want to talk to you too," She sounded like she was in haste. Maybe our minds were thinking alike but I needed to go first before I hear what she'll say.
"Let me go first," I said and she agreed. "I was being a jerk and also selfish. I shouldn't have said all those things at the dinner I made especially for you. I overreacted because I thought you didn't see it as something important. I'm sorry."
"I don't have a problem with you. I was also not being considerate. I'm sorry."
For that moment, everything looked like it was solved. I apologized, and she did the same. We were going to live in perfect harmony.
"I still want to say something," She interrupted my feelings but it wasn't a problem.
"Go ahead," I had my smiley face on. Everything was going on smoothly.
"Okay. I'm just going to say it because I don't want it to look like you're hearing things. I cherish you a lot and I wasn't to be brutally honest." My smile began to die slowly and my worries came in. What could she want to tell me so bad?
"Is there a problem?" I had to ask.
"No. Actually, yes. Well, I won't call it a problem but you just need to know."
"Alright carry on."
"I kissed someone. And I wanted you to hear it from me because I'm your partner and all but I want to assure you that it won't happen again. It was a mistake which I somehow fell for but–"
"Hold on!" I cut her off with no remorse. I thought to myself that I must be hearing things. "You kissed someone bearly days that we just had a little misunderstanding?"
"It's not like that. I'm so–"
I didn't keep her ears to listen to what she had to say. Knowing fully well I had a class to attend, I walked out of the room with a broken heart mixed with anger. All I heard while leaving was someone yelling my name but I chose to ignore it. This betrayal was a lot to handle and I needed to handle it alone.