Elena Sergio
It was the last period of the next day of school, the day after Daniel and I almost shared a kiss. It was funny how we both seemed to realize ourselves at the right moment, just before our lips met. And I was glad we didn't.
I had no physical attraction toward Daniel, that was for sure. He was a great guy, equally breathtaking as KJ was, but I loved one person, and that was Matthew. I wasn't going to ignore that fact just because we argued.
And I was sure Daniel didn't have feelings for me too, because why would he? Plus, he knew I was dating Matthew, and he and Matthew were buddies as far as I knew. Daniel wasn't a troublemaker or one that seemed like he liked the idea of stress, so going all out just to take what belonged to someone else didn't seem much like something he'd do.
What happened yesterday at the park, while we were seated at that cement bench was simply a thing of the moment and would never happen again. Not while I could help it. And Daniel had apologized after what had almost happened. Said he didn't mean to. I apologized too and told him I was sorry.
So like I said, it was the last period of the day and I was in the same class as Matthew, him sitting two seats before me.
I didn't pay attention throughout the lesson. No sir, I did not, that was for sure. Instead, I spent the whole time staring—boring rather a hole into the back of Matthew's head. I wondered if he could feel the heat of my gaze from where he sat, if he could hear my thoughts from where I was seated because they were so loud in my ears, it felt like the entire class could hear them but I just didn't know yet.
The guilt was eating me up too. I felt this sudden, urgent and unquenchable drive to tell Matthew all about it the moment I could, and convince him to not be upset or suspicious. The urge to prove myself worthy held a strong fort in my mind and all I could think of doing after the lessons ended was telling Matthew about everything, whether or not he liked it, just so I could shake off the feeling of hiding something from my best friend. And that had never happened. Even the thought of it was absurd, I'd never hidden anything from Matthew as long as I knew it'd be bad hiding it from him.
The bell rang then, cutting through my thoughts like a sharp, searing sword and startling me into a mild but luckily inaudible yelp.
At once, students began drawing their chairs back and milling out of the classroom, not even bothering to wait for the teacher to be done with his statement. But it was normal anyway, the students left immediately after the bell went off, so the teacher wasn't too fazed by it.
At once, I grabbed my backpack off the floor, drew back, and stood up, right at that moment Matthew did just the same. He turned then, his blue gaze falling on me almost immediately. My breath hitched in my throat suddenly. It felt like Matthew knew even before I'd told him. But of course, he didn't, unless I somehow telepathically did, which by the way was impossible.
And then he was walking over to me. Slow, purposeful steps towards me.
"Hey," he said getting to me. There was no smile on his face but the one there didn't look like he was upset in any way.
"Hey!" I said too quickly, a smile stretching across my lips on the other hand.
Matthew didn't seem to notice the shake in my hands or if he did he'd be asking questions by now.
"Can we talk outside?" He asked instead.
I stared at him. Well, if we weren't talking right now then I wondered what talking meant. And then I realized that he asked if we could go outside. The difference this time, other than the fact that we were talking already, was that he wanted us to talk outside the class.
"Sure." I flushed, feeling foolish for wasting so much time in answering the question.
We followed the last trickle of students outside the class and kept walking, Matthew leading the way, until we got to a secluded part of the school, a couple of feet from the class we'd just come out of.
On getting there, Matthew stopped and if I'd taken any step further I'd have collided right into his back.
With a sigh, Matthew turned to face me then. But then all he did was stare. At me, into my blue. I began to grow squirmish under his gaze. It felt like it was boring deep into my soul, searching every book and cranny. Finding out my secrets.
Finally, he spoke up, his voice soft, almost like music to my ears. As he began speaking, he reached down to my side and took my hand in his, the warmth of his big one enveloping mine.
"Look, Elena," he began slowly. "I don't think it's cool to argue in a relationship. I mean, l know yeah no relationship is perfect but it's offsetting really. And I don't like us arguing, Elena."
I remained silent after his pause. A second after, he continued, "So, I'm sorry, Elena. It was my fault, all this. I got mad for no good reason and I'm sorry. And I didn't mean any of the things I'd said yesterday, back in the cafeteria. I didn't mean any of it, I was just upset yesterday, that's all."
When he was done, he had his gaze cast to his shoes.
"It's fine, Matt." I told him, hoping my voice sounded reassuring so he knew I meant it when I said, "I forgive you."
He looked up at me then. "You do?",
I nodded immediately and the next thing I knew, I'd been wrapped in a tight bear hug.
"Oh, God, I missed this," Matthew murmured against my neck, his arms still around me in a hug.
I smiled. "I missed it too, but there's something I have to tell you, Matt. And I must do."
So yeah, I'd decided I'd Matthew about to, and here I was about to let him know what had happened because it was either that or death by a guilty conscience.
"Sure," Matthew said, stepping back from me and dropping his arms from my shoulders.
I swallowed. "I don't know how to put it, Matt."
"Well, um, what is it about though? Maybe we can start from there," he suggested.
If only he knew. Lord, please don't let him get so angry. I understand that he would be angry, I just hoped he wouldn't hit the roof.
"I'm waiting, Elle," he said, a couple of seconds after all I did was remain silent. "You know you can tell me anything."
"Y-yeah," I swallowed, a hard lump forming in my throat. "Of course."
I tucked my hair behind my ear, swallowed one more time, and began. "Yesterday, I met Daniel at rehearsals, and then we talked for a while about random stuff and again about my speech during prom night, then we left moments after the rehearsal to the park where Daniel showed me something personal, and we talked some more, entertained some kids who came our way, and it'd been sunny outside the weather—"
"Elena," Matthew interrupted, seeing I'd gone off-key like he knew I always did whenever I was fidgeting. "The point, Elena. You're missing the point."
"We almost kissed, Matthew!" I blurted out then, not knowing any other way to put it. "Daniel and I almost kissed."
"What?" Matthew's thick eyebrows bunched into a frown.
So, there, I'd done the part of the telling, bow it was time to redeem myself.
"But we didn't," I said to him, reaching out and placing a hand on Matthew's arm. "We didn't do it. I stopped myself, he did too. And-and he'd taken me home after that, Matt, nothing else happened. I promise I have absolutely nothing for him, absolutely nothing for him or anyone else, and I know he doesn't either. It's just you I have feelings for, not KJ, not Daniel, not anyone. Whatever happened was simply a thing of the moment I promise—"
"Elena, stop," Matthew said in a low voice, his line of sight not trained on me but the hand I placed on his shoulder.
"I promise, Matt—"
"Stop already for fucks sake!" Matthew raised his voice, causing me to drop my hand at once, my shoulders jumping slightly. "This is bullshit."
He stepped back. "Total bullshit."
And then he turned around and began walking away.
"Why else did I tell you about it then?!" I yelled after him even though I didn't go after him. "I didn't want to have any secrets between us Matthew, I couldn't even."
He didn't stop though, and I still didn't follow him.
"Matthew, I'm sorry!" I yelled just at the moment he rounded the corner and was out of sight.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, tears pricking my eyes. By the next minutes, torrents of them began streaming down my eyes and cheeks as I sobbed quietly into my palms.
°°°°°
And when I spot the warmth within the depths
Of eyes so blue, for half a time, I think
Maybe you love me; then in the truth creeps
That ships like ours are only ordained to sink
But still, I'm patient; wallflowers have to wait
For you and only you can fill my heart
I've found a love, so why accept my fate
As you're the one, I'll fight all odds, sweet or tart
And maybe—maybe—one day, you will be
My monsieur. Thus, my plea: can you stay with me?
I'd written Matthew a poem, sitting all alone in my house, clueless as to what to do. He hadn't called me yet and honestly I didn't think he would any time soon, because I mean it was already nighttime.
So I called Megan and she said she'll come to take me to her home to stay over.
"I'm sorry I used up all your Kleenex," I sniffed, dabbing the last piece over my eye.
Taking a turn, Megan rode her car into the driveway of her family's three-bedroom duplex and braked.
"It's okay," she said, turning to look at me. "As long as you let me know why you did once we're inside."
I moved my gaze to her. She was my friend, and I trusted her. I could tell her.
"I will," I nodded.
We got out at the same time and together we walked up to her front porch.
"My mom's gonna be home by now," Megan said, stopping at the door. "She's gonna worry so bad if she sees you this way. I mean, your eyes are red. Puffy—"
"I'm just gonna smile," I cut in.
"Smile? You think that'll work?" She raised her eyebrows.
I smiled at her then.
She chuckled. "I guess it will."
Without warning, the door swung open. Standing at the threshold was Mrs. Portly, Megan's mom.
I smiled right away.
"Hi, ma." Megan smiled at her too, stepping up to her and placing a kiss on her cheek.
"I just knew it was you two," she beamed, the corners of her dark brown eyes crinkling. "What are you both doing chit chatting outside here? Come on in."
She opened the door wider and stepped aside so we could walk in.
Mrs. Portly was in her early forties, but a first glance, you wouldn't realize that. Why? Because she'd been a model for twenty-five years before retiring to open up her own modeling company, which Megan joined last two summers.
After we walked in, her mom ushered us into the kitchen where we had dinner and then we went up to Megan's room where I told her about everything.