“What responsibility are you saying?” I asked with my crinkled forehead, unable to keep up with him.
“If you feed her right now, you must start always feeding her everyday. Even she did not want to, she would unconsciously demand affection from you. She would always hope that you can help her whenever she needs it. You must take responsibility on the actions you make so better think again your decision.
“You would not want her to be false hoping on the affection you will be showing, right? Do not feel sorry for the likes of them. They would survive if its for them to survive and they will die if its really their time. It was not our fault for her to become like that, it was her’s.” He preached. Instead of accepting what he have said, I totally do not agree the way he thinks.
Unconsciously, I become stern on what I heard from him and looked at him blatantly in the eyes and said the words without blinking,
“Responsibility, you say, Brother? I am just helping her out of good deeds just because I pity her. If she demands affection from me, I could simply reject it and ignore. Can affections can feed her? She had not eaten anything for four days. How many person do you think she approached to beg? If I ignored her hunger now, I am not different from other people who made her life like this.
“It was just so easy for you to say that they would definitely die if they will because they do not have anything to left behind? But do you not think that they were trying their best to survive in this harsh world? Do you think they want to end up dead? Do you not think, they also want to live a happy life? To live their life to the fullest and attain the best things they know they could never even afford and only hope in their dreams?
“They were also humans like us, the difference is someone like her could not afford the privilege we have right now. Is it wrong to help her just for once? Is it wrong to give her hope for another day? She did not chose herself to be like that, right? No one wanted to be in her state. We were just lucky because we were born of noble bloods and they were unlucky because they were born with nothing.
“It is not her fault to be in a state like that, it might be her parents or her ancestor’s fault. It is only blood that run through her veins but it is not her fault for not being loved. What is wrong in harnessing affection from the other people? Is their anything wrong wanting to be love?” I said emotionally. I could feel my chest was about to burst but I ignored it.
I remained with my stoic expression and hid my emotions on my closed fist to contain them.
I am fighting for the girl’s rights that no one wanted to stand up, it was not mine. I just relate myself to her, that was all.
Who would do this if not me?
Or am I really doing this for the child or saying this for myself to be recognized?
“Maxine, I-“
“She did never want to grow up alone. Do you think it is easy to live alone and exclude yourself to others? No, right? Because the moment you were born, you we were showered with love and affection so for you, it was too easy for you to say that. It was too easy for you to judge other people’s life because you never experienced it yourself.
“Also, how about the children who can have all the things in the world except for his love one’s affection? Do you not think, they were the most pitiful? Because despite of having everything, there was something they could not get. The simplest thing that one could give. What was more for those who really have nothing?
“But someone like her? You think they would care about affectionate the most? No, it was something that they can not use to survive. Something useful is what they want. Food and water. It was the most necessities of a man. They know it best, Brother. Anyway, all I want to say is I want to feed her just this time. It was not like I am going to support her life, no?” I said and gave him a forced smile from my trembling lips.
He was looking at me with an admiring eyes and a little gaped but I quickly diverted my eyes from him when I noticed that I was trembling.
“Okay.” He said that made me look back to him but he immediately averted his back from me before I could ever see the expression he had when saying it.
What?
‘Okay’? That is that?! Just like that?! Is that all he had to say after my monologue?!
I was about to be pissed off when he added,
“Let’s do that. Let’s feed the girl just this once.” All I could do was to blink while staring at his leaving back. Smile painted my face without a second and happily followed him to the girl waiting for us.
We let the girl eat alone by herself while we wait for her to finish. She ate a lot, maybe because of too much hunger. We even bought her a stock of food supplies for a month to share with her baby sibling and sick mother.
Maxlein kept looking at me with a strange expression while the girl was with us but I ignored his look.
I even remember how shocked I was when she told me her age. She was already 7 and yet, I am taller than her in a few inches. That was how under nutrition she was.
The parade exactly started when the girl finished eating. The people had grew more now that it was noon compared earlier in the morning.
It was too crowded that the smell of everyone mixed and it was making me nauseous, some were also pushing each other just to get a way.
The noises were unending and too loud that we could not catch what was now happening infront.
I made sure not to be lost so I gripped Lein’s hem shirt tightly.
I do not want to get lost in the crowd. The parade started with the drums rolling followed by trumpets and other musical instruments.
I could not see what was happening infront because I am too small to see it.
From the murmurs I heard that there were few Royal Knights in the patrols.
“Whoa! Is not that the Archduke?!”
“Where?!”
“My word, the Archduke came!”
“It is the Archduke of Elstree!”
Archduke… Elstree? The Archduke came himself on a parade that even my father would not go?
“The ‘Berseker’ of the battlefoeld came!”
“Uwaaaaa! My idol!”
I tried to peered between the gaps of the town people’s leg but I really could not see anything because of the too much crowd.
I lost my grip on Brother Lein and I was about to reach for him again but my eyes widened when the crowd became chaotic.
I was dragged by the crowd, away from my older brother.
“The Archduke’s aides are sprinkling copper coins!”
“How generous!”
“May Frite bless the Archduke more.”
Stampede started in the sea of people. They were all going back and forth to pick up coppers being thrown away by the Archduke’s aides that made me and Brother Lein grow part from each other.
I tried to reach my hand to him but he has this repulsive look in his face while looking at me and he did not have any efforts to reach for me too.
“Brother Lein!” I shouted that could not be heard clearly because of the rejocing voices of the town’s people.
I thrived to lift my hand towards his direction but he was just standing there.
I did not know if I am seeing right but all I want him to do was to reach out my hand that he was not doing. The crowd continue to drag us away from each other in two different directions.
‘I know that the…’
I tried reaching him with my little arms but he let his self be swayed by the people, taking him away from me more while he kept his eyes focused on me.
‘…expression he was giving me…’
I was dumbfounded and was frozen on my spot when I realized the expression he was giving off and his no efforts to take me back to him while I was being dragged away from him.
‘…was the expression of…’
Slowly. The people was slowly covering his visage from me until he completely vanished from my sight.
My hand was still suspended in the air, hoping that he would come out from the crowd and would hold my hand but the parade was finished without anyone reaching for me.
My hand slowly fell down with my body trembling and staring blankly at nowhere else.
‘…wanting to abandon me.’