Saying I am not nervous will be a lie. I have been standing at his front door for like two minutes now. I already practiced what to say, why is it then so hard to knock on the stupid door. You can do it. You are made of steel baby.
I knocked on the door and cleaned the imaginary dust on my jeans. There was no answer. I knocked again and this time I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I breathed out.
The door opened, revealing Kevin. He smiled at me and I gave him a nervous smile. He probably thinks of me as a bad person. "Is he home?" I asked looking behind him. "Yeah." he answered and opened the door wider so I could enter. "Thanks." I said.
"He is in his room." he said leaving me alone as he went to the kitchen. I dropped my bag, but before I could climb up the stairs Kevin said, "please forgive him Janet, he made a mistake and he really needs you." he said and walked back into the kitchen.
Everything was how I left it. Nothing has changed. I was scared. What if he already accepted me not accepting him? Or what if he does not want to see me?
You have practised what to say, you got this.
Yeah right!
I got to the front of his room, our room. Maybe I should not do this. I thought. I sighed. I turned to leave and it looked like karma had a way of treating people. I heard his voice and I froze.
"Janet?" His deep voice called as I turned to leave. I missed his voice.
I turned to look at him with tears brimming in my eyes. "Hey." I said, my voice breaking with a small smile. I swear I forgot everything I had practiced.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
I chanted in my head, but of course as expected the tears fell according to their will.
Stupid tears!
I cleaned my face with my hand. "Do you have some time to spare?" I asked as I sniffed.
Damn! He looked more handsome. It was obvious he just shaved. He was wearing a sweat pants that hung below his waist which made his v-line visible, his hair was wet probably from the shower and he was shirtless.
"Yh...Yeah." he nodded and we walked into his room. I entered the room after him and he closed the door.
I looked around the room and everything was as I left it. I turned to look at him a nd I found him already staring at me. He still stood by the door.
My eyes raked over his naked chest. Focus! I scolded myself. "Can you um..please put on a shirt." I managed to say even though I would have enjoyed the view if not because of our present situation.
His lips twitched upwards but he still put on a black vest that hugged his body perfectly.
"Thanks." I mumbled.
There was this awkward silence. "I heard you were travelling." I said still looking around the room.
"Yh, but I cancelled." he said and I could feel his eyes boring holes in my head. And, there was silence again. Awkward.
"I'm sorry".
"I'm sorry".
We both said at the same time. We both smiled and he shook his head. "You go first." I offered as I rubbed my palms together and he nodded.
"I amso sorry. I did not really think what I did was going to hurt you that bad. I did not know it was going to affect us this bad. In fact I did not think there would be a real 'us'. I know I made a mistake by not telling you about her. True, we are married but separated not yet divorced." He paused as he looked at my face for any reaction. He sighed but continued, " she went out of the country so we could not sign the divorce papers. I swear I had no idea she was going to come around." He said as he ran his hands through his hair.
"I would never intentionally hurt you Janet. I wanted to explain to you right there but you did not give me a chance. And, I called, so many times but," he paused and looked at me with sad eyes "but you never picked up."
"I am sorry. I know I really hurt you. But if you still need time to think about this...about us, I will give you time. Just do not...Don't ignore me again." he took a step closer to me.
I already forgave him...I wanted him back, I want my man back. We were inches away from each other. He used his fingers to trail my cheek and I leaned in his touch. I missed this. I sighed.
"I missed you." I said as I looked up to look up at him. He smiled at me and I smiled. "I am sorry I did not give you time to explain." I said and wrapped my arms around his waist, then leaned on his chest.
"I missed you too." he said and pecked the top of my head before placing his chin on my head.
"I love you." we both said at the same time and we laughed. I looked up at him and pecked his lips.
"That's all?" He asked pretending he was offended. I chuckled and placed my lips on his. Soon, he took the lead and my legs were wrapped around his waist. I ran my hands through his hair and he groaned. I could already feel his boner. So fast?
He pulled me closer to him. And I smiled against his lips. "I love you." he said against against my lips and I laughed. He was happy. I was happy and we were happy.
"I am pregnant." I blurted out and I swear he went rigid. Oh God...I just ruined the moment. I tried getting down but he would not budge. The room was silent all you could hear was our breathing movement.
"I...I understand if you do not want to be a father now. I will do something about it. Mayb-" he cut me short by placing his lips on mine. It was a slow kiss with no tongue involved not like the one we shared earlier.
He placed his forehead on mine both of us panting. He smiled "I love you. I love both of you. I'm sorry I was not there when you found out" he said.
I smiled and pecked his lips, "It is fine. You are here now. That is what matters." I said.
He placed me on the floor carefully, "you are moving back in right?" He asked. "Of course." I grinned like a little child.