Sadie
And after that: silence. Again. A-fucking-gain. Anya is just staring at the fire most of the time, and I can sense that the heat of the fire is turning her cheeks red. Is that how nature works? Biology? Well, fuck school. The nature sounds seem calming but I don’t want Anya to feel this uncomfortable
I clear my throat. “Look,” I said after gulping down my third bite of smores--I can’t finish them all with my companion feeling…not alright. Finally, I caught her attention with this. “I don’t know if I should ask this but I would rather cut off this silence instead of watching poor innocent lives slowly dying for our sake.” 
She cocks her head to the side and looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. “You-what?”
“Huh? Why?”
“What do you mean by what you said?”
“What?”
“You said about…Souls dying for our sake?”
“Oh.” Now my cheeks are heating up slowly. 
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just ignore it. It’s bull- it’s stupid.”
“Oh come on~! Tell me.”
“Do you really wanna know?”
“Well if you wanna break the silence and start a conversation we might as well start with that one.
I huff, feeling myself getting red. I don’t think I need the fire to warm me up when I could just feel my cheeks right now. Thanks, stupid running ass of a mouth. “Well,” I huffed again. “I warned you it’s stupid!” I raise my index finger at Anya like how my mom does whenever she’s -warning- me.
“I still wanna know.”
“I knoooow.” I bite my lip and curse at Adam and Eve, for getting tricked by an evil snake. God said not to eat the apple from that forbidden forest. Now, look where the fuck that leads me. 
One last huff before I begin explaining my dumb ass. “What I mean by that is the bonfire: trees get chopped off and branches get snapped from where they came from. Bitches thought they would stand tall and fly high but their dreams were crushed by them timbering to the ground. And they never know that their next fate is actually to be killed by heartless humans that they helped breathe fresh air. But yeah humans betray wood by using them so they will be kept warm in the morning. Therefore, these poor innocent sticks are dying for our sake.” While I was talking, I’m looking anywhere else but Anya, but I can feel her eyes are just glued to me.
 I look up at her finally and her eyes just widen and her mouth is slightly open. “Wow.” She finally spoke. “ Your mind surprises me.” 
I gulp my spit as I feel my cheeks rising, then I shove down all that’s left of my smores while looking down. 
“Soooo,” Anya, for the first time, tried to fill up the silence. “What is it you’re gonna ask me?” 
The moment I look at her, she’s staring into my eyes--the gates to my soul--while taking a bite at her smores. Shit. ”Umm…Why?”
“Hmm?”
“Like…”I scoffed. “Why do you wanna run from here? Why here? Why…me?” I watch as Anya shifts her gaze from me to the ground, chewing her bottom lip. “You told me a while ago that you were thinking about your family. If so, why did you decide to leave? You can go to any place now like hell you're a pop sensation! You must have thousands of millions or whatever!”--I’m not good at math, yet I got voted best in math in tenth grade--“You can tell your mom to take a break somewhere in Hawaii. Here we also got Boracay! You can head there and relax!”
“Well, if only I could.” Anya sighs while looking down at her feet.
I cock my head sidewards. “You couldn’t?’
“Well…” She shrugs. “Sometimes…Rarely even. I only take ‘vacations’ when I go somewhere to write songs--In mountains and forests and other things. Mom wasn’t even with me when I went for an outing. I always invite her but she says she will just keep busy since successful people work every day”--she switched for a mockery tone when she said what her mother said--"Like she always says that every day! And she won’t let me leave unless I tell her I will write songs. She doesn’t even trust me so she always brings the guards who do not talk to me at all and are only there to inform my mom every move I make outside!” While she’s talking, her arms move frantically like an angry woman, and her tone raises as well. She pauses when she looks at me. Again, she sighs. “Sorry, I burst out.”
“No, don't be. It’s fine I’m a good listener and the best secret-keeper if you want me to not tell people about it.”
Another sigh.“I just…I bet your mom doesn’t suck as much as mine or something...”
I scoff which made Anya’s head shoot up at me. I look at her but shortly break eye contact. “I am sure your mom is not that bad.” Because how could she suffer? She is rich and famous and she gets what she wants! Gosh darn, I need that iPhone so bad and that walk-in closet she showed in her house tour on Youtube.
Though, she looks offended by what I said, which I don’t get why. She has all I have, it’s true. And it’s not like her family is disowning her. Who would disown the Anya Moore?  
“Yeah well," Anya starts in a slight cocky tone which I am surprised. "what is your family like?”
“Well,”
“Do they lock you up in your room to make them do what they want?”
“No?” More like they prevent me from being myself whenever I go outside on my own. 
“Do they always make you do work?”
“No? Because I’m a student.”
“Well, I’m supposed to be one as well! I would be in college right now but I dropped out of high school because you don’t need it, Anya. You’re going to be a star!" Anya sighs. "I just wanna live my life for once. All I get is work all day.”
“So you don’t enjoy being famous and rich and have the whole world cheering for you?”
“Of course I do! But it’s stressful just being out there the whole time meeting so many people and this just happens on and on and on. You’re probably out there just…relaxing, hanging out with your friends, going to places you wanna go without taking your job or school with you.”
I laugh awkwardly. Please tell me this is not what she thinks I do often, because I don’t. She doesn't know what the fuck she’s saying.
Yet, Anya continues her rant. “Your family--I bet they show how much they love you! They give you lots of hugs and kisses, they never cared whether you did enough or lack something. You probably have it easy with no problems at all!”
“Yeah! A poor person finally has it all said by a rich pop star! You don’t know what I’ve been through!” I did the same awkward laugh, trying to hold myself back from screaming and getting mad at her.
“So do you! You keep saying I have it better than you when I don’t. You’re in no position to judge me just because I have money!” Her voice was raised, which caught me off guard but it did not stop me from defending myself.
I stood up, and with anger built up inside me, I burst out. “And you think my life is that simple when we don’t have money when only my friends accept me, and the rest of the world turns their backs against me. You can’t just compare yours with mine as well! Let’s not fucking compare at all, okay?!” I pant heavily after that. I take one deep breath before sitting down. “Sorry…” I said, after a few minutes of silence.
“I’m sorry too…” She said so softly that her words a while ago still scream in my head.
“Why...me? Why am I with you?” I ask, to her and myself.
Silence. If she can’t answer that, how can I answer this question? Maybe she just thinks you're easy to get. Or you’re just good at this and you prove it right in front of her. Maybe she is just using you. And after she fulfills her dreams, she will take you to jail while you're hated not just by my community but also the whole world for “kidnapping” the pop princess. I sighed. Maybe I should not think of Anya like this. She doesn’t understand me but I am sure she’s not this bad. This is the problem with you Sadie, you give bad people the benefit of the doubt when they don’t even trust you. Well if she doesn’t trust me, why am I here with her right now?
“Umm…” I looked up where that voice came from, and it was said in a soft voice as well, the same one I hear every time she talks on the tv. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She ignored my question.
“Mhm.” Is all I can say while looking back down to the ground, feeling…I don’t know. I am not sure what to feel now.
“Can we..Start this over?”
I did not answer. It's difficult to say anything when I have other voices talking to me. Before she can say anything, I manage to overtake the silence. “Why me? Like…why did you ask me to take you away from your…shitty life, as you call it.”
A soft sigh escapes her nostrils. “I don’t…Know..”
I knew it, the back of my head screamed at me. She has no idea why she chose you. Pathetic,
“But…I just feel like it. The moment I saw you, I just had this feeling of being with you and…Do this plan I have with you.”
I snap my head up, with wide eyes and my mouth slightly gaping. That voice suddenly stopped talking when Anya said that. Every negative thing stopped. I can feel my heart reminding me it’s alive. It’s still beating. This feeling…
“I know it sounds stupid. I’m sorry it’s weird but I just can’t explain it. I just feel like you should be with me in this. And if I don’t ask you, then I would regret it my whole life. Sorry, that's not what you expect.”
“No umm...I am not expecting anything.” I gave her a small smile. I am slightly mad at what she said a few minutes ago but I try to put that past me. I can’t stop thinking of what she said and trying my best to hold back that giddiness my heart is making me feel right now. But then she smiled back which made my heart panic more.
“Sooooo” I started saying to try to avoid being awkward but shit never works always when I do it. “If you don't mind me asking: Is fame really that bad?”
“Oh no, not at all! I don't want you to think I don't want this. I'm loving it right now. It's just that...Too much work, I guess. And that is what makes it stressful."
"Oh...I see." I nod my head slowly. "What does it feel like performing?" Now I sound more like an entertainment journalist than a curious teen.
"Well…It’s okay. I mean it was GREAT! A lot of people like my song, and I have this first mini-concert and TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE CAME! It was awesome! Well, they’re mostly younger or the same age as me at that time but IT’S GREAT! Of course, it also has a lot of hate but it doesn’t really matter because I got radio plays and lots of fans already…” I watch her emotions suddenly shift into excitement, endlessly rambling about some fans she met, some embarrassing and great moments. Her smile never leaves her face as she tells them. “ I did not think so many would like the songs I put out because they were all love and other stuff but yeah! It was great going to concerts and all, going to different places and meeting lots of people. Sharing your music with the world. It’s a wonderful experience.”
I smile and nod at that. “Yeah, I bet it is…”
She cocks her head sideways. “Haven't you performed in front of people before?”
“Yeah, I do,” I said in a cocky tone. “Millions of people watch us perform! The whole Mall Of Asia was PACKED!”
Anya’s eyes widen along with her mouth like she has seen a unicorn. “Really?”
“Yeah--in my dreams.”
“Oh.” Then she nods her head, face changes from astonished to her lips pursed and looking down. I hear her breath shake as if she’s trying to control a laugh.
I try to stifle my laugh, thinking it was unfunny for me to say that, and also I just lied to the pop star for a fucking joke. But when both of our eyes lay at each other at the same time, making the same face, we suddenly burst out laughing. The laughs last more than a minute. Anya’s laugh overtakes mine and the sound of the cicadas. Though I let my weird giggles stay low profile so she doesn’t hear how weird it sounds. Anya’s eyes are shut and her mouth gapes wide as she screams to the sky. While I’m just here, staring at her. She hangs her head low and her arm moves down to touch her stomach. Her huffs are mixed with a few giggles which makes me start to laugh out loud again. Anya tells me to stop laughing as she starts to laugh again.
 Finally, we stop, but the smiles never leave our faces.
“Whew! That was so funny!” Anya said after the short silence
“Seriously?” I asked in confusion. “That’s hilarious?”
“Yeah! Is it not?”
“Well it is silly, but I don’t find it too funny.”
“ARE YOU KIDDING! It’s silly, stupid, AND really funny!” She lets out a few giggles. I just…Smile. 
“Well, I’m glad I made the princess smile.” I mean that well, but her smile suddenly disappears.
 Anya turns her head to the side. “I don’t wanna be called princess.”
“Oh, Yeah right. I mean it’s cringy anyway so...can't blame you for hating your job, or something--I mean your fans call you princess as well.”
She says this like she’s surrounded by shits. The whole time her eyebrows are lowered and her nose is wrinkled. “Well blame it to the ‘QUEEN’! Ugh! She always has to lie that I want to be called that and our fans are the royal companyans! Since then they keep calling me ‘Princess Anya’! Eulck!'' She then sticks her tongue out like she’s gagging.
 “Princess Anya. Hmm…” I said. “Sounds like a porn star name.”
“Excuse me?” She looks at me with the same look but instead, she looks more confused than disgusted.
I just look at her and I start to giggle again.
“Hey! That’s not funny! That’s just rude…And bullying~!”
“Pft! You call that bullying?”
“Not really." She shrugs. "I’ve gone through something much worse than that.”
“Oh yeah. Like how your songs sound like kidz bop or what?”
“Mhmm.”
“Pft! They're shit. People. I mean you were sixteen when you debuted! Obviously, it would sound basic or something.”
“Does it really sound basic?”
“Hmm…Yeah? It sounds like every pop song out there. Or maybe I am just not into pop.”
“Hmm. Maybe.”
I nod while I hum. Our voices die down as we let our ears consume the psithurism symphonies surrounding us. I close my eyes, feeling the sound of nature. I breathe in and out steadily. This feels good. The air lightly blows on our skin, the leaves brushing against the thousands of trees, the sound of bugs singing with the birds adding their small harmonies. I slowly open my eyes and behind the loud fire is Anya, looking at the sky, smiling. I can feel my mouth curling on each side. 
“Anything coming from nature feels so…calming,” Anya explained. “It inspires me to make more music. Like…Everything comes out so naturally.” She chuckled right after she said it. “Nature makes things…Natural.” and she chuckled again.
I nod and raise my eyebrows. “Couldn’t agree with you more.”
“Yeah…” Then she looks down to the ground and back at me. “Hey, don’t you wanna sit down here instead?” She pats the wood beside her. “It’s just awkward making my voice a bit louder for you to hear it there. Someone might hear us as well.”
I blush at the thought of sitting beside the pop star, despite being around her for almost the whole night. I look down at the ground and bite my lip. Fuck, what should I do?
“It’s fine if you don’t want to, I'm just suggesting-”
“No umm…” I snap my head back up, my hand raised to my chest like I’m stopping her. I slowly put them down right away. “I gladly would. Besides, you’re right--we don’t want anyone to hear us.”
I stand up and walk to Anya, taking my time doing so. Anya moves a bit so as I sit, there’s still a little space between us. I can feel her staring at me, but when I turn to look, she looks up in a millisecond. I am not sure if that’s a negative reaction but I’m glad she looks away. My nose is a few inches away from her right cheek which is slowly turning into a shade of pink--probably with how hot the fire is. Then I decided to look at the sky with the pop star.
We let nature talk for a short while, while our eyes are glued to the glittering stars. 
“It’s so beautiful,” Anya speaks out. “It reminds me of the crowds in my concert.” She then turns to look at me. “Don’t you think?”
“Well, I barely have any…Crowds as big as the stars. I mean, there were barely any crowds. Just a camera, and that’s it.” I said, my eyes still focusing on the stars.
“You gotta be joking! You never been to clubs or bars at least?”
I shake my head. “Just my friends’ garage or rooms. We tried to go to local ones but they don’t want to let us perform since we are still students. Not like we’re gonna drink or anything! Also, we’re almost 18 for goodness sake!”
“No way! They should let you perform! You should post the videos you filmed on Youtube! They’re awesome!”
“Well we did, so far just…Fifty subs. And a hundred views. That’s big enough.”
I hear her scoff and I look at her. “That’s unbelievable! YOUR BRAND SHOULD BE IN BIG MALLS RIGHT NOW~”
“You think?”
“Yeah! You’re so cool! Damn! Why don’t they let you perform?” Another scoff, louder and more annoyed this time.
“Because I’m not like you,” I muttered to myself. Though I feel like Anya hears me so as she turns her head, I look back at the sky.
“What do you mean?”
“Well..” I bit my lip and looked down, digging my slipper on the moss ground. “It means if you don’t have any connections, no money, fewer supporters, or if you’re not being heard no matter how loud your voice is, then you’re just nothing with a dream that stays there. Nor if you have looks that do not fit in the society’s requirements of beauty. The world has standards for one to become well known and supported and famous you know.”
“That’s unfair!”
“Life’s unfair.”
“Doesn’t seem to be. I mean…Don't poor people join singing competitions on TV and they have successful career paths after--whether they win or not?”
“You don’t know what’s going through it during the competitions. There are procedures before you’re allowed to be shown on TV.”
“Like what?”
“How would I know? I’ve never been there.”
“Then try to join in some.”
“Pft. Nah! Waste of time. Liam told me already. He says we need to have a big music background. Others just bribe the producers to get in center stage right away.”
“That seems unbelievable…”
“It is. But hey, we will never know what’s going on behind the entertainment industry anyway--whether it’s those who can’t get it or those who already have it. People can be mean around the internet and I can see how that affects a lot of artists, mostly ones that start young and with not much equipment. Most new ones just try to follow the trend hoping someday they can get discovered but when it’s not your style, it never really works but do they even have a choice? When I hear some songs are shit, I won't say they’re shit on the internet." I stare at the sky for a while, enjoying its beauty. Then I sighed. “Sometimes when artists smile and laugh, I wonder if it’s genuine or they’re just smiling through all the hate…”
Anya
My eyes are just glued to Sadie, the same as her eyes are to the stars. Most people are aware of the bad side of the entertainment industry and the media but then after a few minutes, they go back to expecting something more of the artist like they’re pure perfection. I was taught to smile since it happens normally or it’s for my best but this does make me feel like I’m slowly losing my art because of what the people want.
“It’s like:” Sadie stopped looking at the sky, but she’s not looking at me still. “There are people out there who have these skills and this unique art or beautiful songwriting but all of those are just thrown under the bus because they’re not like the others. Even when their music is good, it will take years before people discover them and that’s the shitty part of it. Those who start small and creative are better than those who are just sitting pretty singing basic pop with no originality. But the basic pop still gets the radio play anyway because their song is not recorded on an iPhone.”
I am starstruck by her words…Her mind…
Sadie’s rant made me realize the world we live in. The spotlight always shines on you when you are rich or attractive. It never shines for those who have flaws, never for those who are scared but have potential, not even for those who are talented but poor. Sometimes you need to have something or someone to stand on the stage, yet now those who don't have talent shine. And if you are already on the top, they just wait till they see that flaw and they will push you and watch you fall. Maybe that's what Sadie is trying to tell me: a space for change.
“Fame has its dark sides--that’s what I mean.” Sadie ended it with that, still looking at the bonfire.
I look at the ground. “You’re right.”
“I must’ve talked too much.”
“Nah. It’s great, what you said.” At the same moment, we both turn our heads to each other and now I’m staring at her glistening eyes. She looked at the stars for too long that her eyes shines in mine. I look away so that my hair could hide my blush. “It makes me think that...This world should change to create space, as we make a room for change.”
Sadie snorts. “Good luck with that.” She said it like my idea was stupid. 
“Why?” I look back at her as she reaches for the sticks and attempts to draw on the moss “Isn’t that what you want as well?”
“No. I don't want to change the world, Anya.” Her eyes are back on me and she stops what she’s doing. “ Can't you see? The world is already broken. People have already taken a lot of poison and passed it down to generations. Hell even God lovers have small satans within them. There's no space for change anymore. We can't do that. Even if millions try to, we are billions. Not a hundred million can stop the hatred.” She keeps explaining as her hands move around and create gestures for things. Sometimes she would look at me but then look away as she is invested with what she’s saying.
“What I want is a whole new planet--not a country, planet. Where it's just me and my friends and those who are treated like shit by society. And with that, we could live better and we are our own authors--where our books can be published. Where we could be who we want to be and no one will say bullshit. Also: I will put a lot of rules--like the ten commandments--to keep the world a safe place. If bad people can enter, we fight them and kick them out of the world with no mercy, just like almost everybody around us. Why think of building a new world? Because no one is appreciated much unless you do what they want, you know? Or if you already achieved something. They will respect you if you are a famous singer, or a top 1 student or anything. What you have done can only be seen when you have connections or if you're a normal extroverted party goer. 
“Another thing in this world is it's too much! 7 billion people? really? How can others know what we are good at? How can others find out that people are great singers if there are a lot out there singing already? Heck, even it's tough to write a book and want to share your story because there are a lot out there published. Too many people doing good at that particular thing that agents or companies are looking for someone better than those outside. Even they find something almost the same but switch it up a little bit. If it's different, go away--or something I don't know. I'm just blabbering about how many opportunities people with dreams missed because people around them said that they can't do it. It's tough to express yourself through art without...having something, I guess...It's confusing but I know I made my point. I am not that bitter about things.”
“Hmm. I guess you must have thought a lot about that…”
“I do,” Sadie shrugs. “That’s what happens when you’re always alone in your room.”
“Okay, miss introverts.”
Sadie gasps, her right hand on her chest while she gives me the ‘im offended’ look. “What did you just call me?!”
I face my left palm at me while my other hand fixes my imaginary glasses. “According to my calculations by what you said: you’re a bitter introvert.”
“Okay first of all: there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. Second, you think I’m bitter?”
“I mean…You sound like it, I think.”
“Wow! So you’re doing that now huh?”
I giggle as I turn away from her.
“Okay, princess!”
“Hey!” 
And now it’s her turn to giggle, and I smile at that.
Sadie
The rest of the conversation turned out fun. I become comfortable enough to make jokes while I laugh at how unfunny the pop star is. Her face scrunched together never fails to make me laugh harder.
Anya yawned” This is a long looong night. We better sleep.”
“I wanna stay here for a while, Actually. I never felt the wind so cold and…I guess I just need alone time for a while.”
She turns her head sideways. “Do you need alone time?”
I roll my eyes. “Well as an introvert, you need alone time in preparation to sleep next to a talkative extrovert.”
“Oh wow, you’re judging now huh?” Anya crossed her arms and gave me a stern look, her eyebrows up with a smirk.
“Not a judgment, princess. Just a fact.”
“Ugh don’t call me a princess.” With that, she stands up just to duck down to enter the tent. “I’ll leave the tent open. Watch over our surroundings while you’re at whatever you’re doing~”
“Sure boss!” I shout quietly.
“Pft yeah right.”
And I am alone. Again. I stand up and look back at the cliff again. I can feel my feet slowly dragging me back there. To do some unfinished business. 
This is it, the plan.
Oh hello darkness my old friend, I am going to come to visit you again.
And this time…
 I turn my head and stare at the tent and the now-dead bonfire we had a hard time building up. Not gonna lie, talking with Anya made me wanna stay for a while, but as my plan states, and to finish my sentence:
I won’t hold back.