We began walking side by side around the school compound, reminiscing on my past memories with Brian, she was silent beside me, I guess she's also thinking about Brian just like me, or maybe not. I looked at her free hand swinging gently right beside me as she walks, I want to grab her hand, but there's this sudden fear inside of me, doubting my ability to take control and guild her, why am I this scared just to hold a lady's hand, she's not even a stranger, she's someone close, someone I deem special, wake up Ben, would Steve or Mr Peter fidget in moments like this?, They just take control of their environment without thinking twice, why would mine be different?.
I grabbed her hand, trying hard to keep cool while my heart continuously pound so hard that my chest began to hurt, will she take her hand off?, Will she resist my touch?, Did I made the right move or did I misinterpret the whole situation?. She didn't avoid my touch, she didn't try to remove her hand, I guess it was not that hard after all, I was just over thinking it like I have always done.
     “ How are you doing?”.
I turned to her, not expecting that question at all, was taken aback by her sudden question, she turned her face to me as both of us stares back into each others eyes.
     ” I was wondering, you haven't been acting the way you used to, you just threw me away like I was nothing, like I was nothing to you....... I saw you pass right in front of me with Steve, not even noticing my presence, did I do something wrong?”.
This is it Ben, answer carefully, don't mess things up, this is another chance for you to show you that you are the one in control, that you are her rock, her shoulder when she cries, I kept my mouth shut, reminiscing on how to program my answer into a meaningful speech that won't affect the way she feels about me.
“ Why are you keeping your mouth shut?, Please Ben tell me, what went wrong?”.
” I never said I didn't saw you Rosy, but you was having a clear sweet conversation with your new friend who always seems like a good company to you when I am never there, so I have to mind my business if you were happy having Joe around ”.
     Oh my God, I hope I haven't made the matter worst, I should remain calm and control my confidence. I was timing her hand movements, waiting for her to take action, maybe trying to take her hand off my hold.
“ You were the reason I began hanging out with him, you started ghosting me day in day out, acting like you never cared, I look around for you, but you were always gone, no where to be found, Joe started speaking with me, keeping me company, so we became friends and started hanging around with each other since you made up your mind not to care about my well being ”.
     That's a point for her, she's definitely right in her statement, I was the one who started moving away, playing games, trying to avoid her, it was all me, I think this is the point I should apologize for my actions, trying to stand tall and act like I am in command will show her that I don't have emotions whereby I am an emotional guy.
“ I am sorry about that, didn't know that I will hurt you by not being around, just that my new schedule starting getting involved into my physical health, quite occupied with improving myself this days, but I am truly sorry for being absent, will make it up to you, I promise ”.
     I gave her a reassuring smile that I truly meant what I just said, she removed her hand from my hold and brought it up to my elbow, holding me there and head on my arm as we walked slowly, students were stareing, I can swear that I am as confused as they are when it comes to my relationship with Rose, no one can believe that a beautiful young girl like Rose can ever date someone like me, though I am no longer the old Bernard, but Rose was still too classy for me.
This was the middle of the compound, with eyes watching from every angle, I guess I should put on a show for them, I should show them that I can't be double crossed by anyone ever again, they should know firsthand how confident I have become, I turned Rose around facing me, looked straight into her eyes, with a slight smile, I gave her a kiss.