Prying my eyes open with a groggy groan, I reached out to the other side of my bed and felt nothing but the soft sheets.
Rubbing my eyes I blinked rapidly and looked again.
It was empty and this time my brain was awake enough to tell me that something was wrong.
Sitting up, I looked toward the balcony where the sun was slowly making its way up in the sky but there was no sign of the majestic woman I'd spent the night wrapped around.
Last night was the single best sex I had ever had in my life. It was both wild and rapturous and I did not know that it could ever be that enjoyable.
Putting on a pair of black sweatpants I ran a hand through my already messy hair and went off to find Butterfly.
As it turned out I didn't have to go far because as soon as I reached the stairs I caught a few strains of music coming from downstairs.
Following the sound I found myself in the kitchen and was greeted with the single most loveliest sight in the world.
I had caught her mid-twirl in her dancing and her multicolored hair was splayed around her like a rainbow trail. In that moment she looked like a fairy from another realm.
Sadly she didn't continue dancing, instead she hopped up onto the counter and for the first time noticed me.
“Well, I didn't think you'd still be here,” I told her moving closer.
She shrugged one shoulder and put what looked like a blueberry into her mouth. “I thought it would be rude of me to just leave. You know, after last night,” she had on a devilish smile as she chewed.
I finally reached her and caged her with both my arms. “Oh now you think it would be rude. How very thoughtful of you.”
“What are you talking about? I've always been thoughtful,” she flicked my nose and wrapped her arms around my neck.
Bending, she connected our lips and I got a taste of the blueberry on her lips. The sweetness increased the urge to devour her but I had to stop myself.
After we separated I saw she had one of my gray sweatshirts on over her jeans. It was far too big on her but somehow she looked like she belonged in it and all of a sudden I wanted her to wear all my clothes.
“You look good in this,” I said as I tugged on the cotton garment.
“Really? I couldn't find my sweater so I decided to borrow it since we both know whose fault that is.”
She shot me an arch look but all I did in reply was place a gentle kiss on her temple. I reveled in her mellifluous giggle.
“So? What is the plan for today?” I asked as the sound of a violin filled the air.
“Go back to my hotel, sleep for five hours, pack and get ready for the party. But of course I can't do any of that until you let me go,” her eyes were such immersing luminous pools that I had no idea when I helped her down from her perch.
“That is not a plan. That is the opposite of a plan.”
“A nalp?” she asked after some thought.
I couldn't restrain the titter that I produced. “Pretty sure that's not an actual word but good one.”
I only meant to give her a peck as an appreciation for her wit but I found I couldn't stop at one.
Somehow my hand found its way under her sweatshirt, to the delicate skin of her stomach. It glided across to her back but the skin there wasn't as smooth as I've come to associate with her. It was jagged and uneven and seemed to spread out the higher I went. I wanted to continue exploring this odd new feature but she stiffened and extricated herself from the kiss and the enclosure of my arms.
I opened my mouth but she beat me to it. “Don't ask. Please, just don't,” she said as she adjusted the sweatshirt self-consciously.
I wanted to tell her that I didn't care if she wasn't perfect on the outside, that I still thought she was the most beautiful person I'd ever laid eyes on but I stopped myself. I didn't want to seem like a flatterer. Instead I settled for, “Ok, I apologize.”
“I think I should probably go now,” she whispered and made to walk past me.
I grabbed her wrist. “Hey, I really am sorry. You don't have to leave.”
I wrapped her in a hug and placed a kiss on the top of her head.
I wanted her to feel safe with me. More than anything in the world.
“I'm sorry,” she mumbled so softly into my chest that I almost didn't catch it. “I'm just very sensitive about my back. I have a scar there that I hate.”
“Hey, it's fine. We all have something we hate about ourselves.”
“Really?” she pulled out and I was happy to see the playful glint back in her eyes. “And what do you hate about yourself, Carson Miller?”
“That it's taken me this long to find you.”
She raised an unimpressed eyebrow.
“What?” I asked. “It counts.”
She chuckled. “If you say so. I need to get going, I have something special planned for the official wrap party tonight and I need to get started. Do me a favor? If you find my sweater keep it for me.”
Then she left me standing at the counter and went to pick up her phone where it had been singing unnoticed.
“Wait, we still haven't figured out what we're doing tonight,” I said and crossed my arms. For the first time I remembered I didn't have a shirt on.
She groaned and stopped the music. “Can't we just enjoy the party and take the train home afterwards?”
“There's only two things wrong with that. First of all, we are absolutely not taking the train. Forget it. I don't care how many stops we have to make because of my motion sickness but the train? Fuck no. Secondly, enjoy and party are two words that do not belong in the same sentence. Until science can find a way to make people less chatty on command there will be no enjoying a party for this guy.”
She sported a lopsided grin as she came closer. “You are so adorable,” she placed a kiss on my cheek and left the kitchen, phone in hand.
“How is pointing the obvious help figure out where we're going tonight?” I inquired as I followed her.
She stopped at the foyer and planted her hands on her luxuriant hips. In the morning light pouring from the decorative frosted window above the door she seemed to glow.
“You know, oversimplifying it takes all the fun out of it. And since when have you needed my input in whatever you are going to plan?”
“Just wanted to include you for once in the planning process but now I see that's unnecessary.”
“It doesn't always have to be planned, you know,” she bent down and pulled on her pink boots from where she'd discarded them last night. “How about I just meet you at the party and we see what happens?”
“Sounds swell.”
She finished putting her shoes on but she didn't make a move to leave.
“You don't have to leave, you know. I'm going to hop in the shower, you're more than welcome to join me, that is, if you want.” I leaned on the doorjamb and crossed my arms.
For the first time ever, I didn't want the woman I spent the night with to leave. I knew it was selfish and a tad possessive but if I had my way I would've kept her here to brighten every inch of my dull life with her all-consuming light.
“Funny,” she let out a humorless chuckle.
“I'm serious. If you were going to turn into a pumpkin you'd have done that three hours ago.”
“And somehow I sense that brings relief to you.”
“Well, yeah, I did have my doubts, it's great to know conclusively that you're one hundred percent normal.”
She shook her head with a small smile. “You're a big fat dork.”
Reaching up, she placed a kiss on my cheek.
“I'll see you soon,” she whispered, her warm breath stoking a fire under my skin that seemed to only get hotter anytime she was around me.
As she was about leaving she looked back and with a twinkle in her eyes said, “Oh yeah, I was bored so I took the liberty of making you breakfast.”
“You did what?” I asked to confirm if I'd heard what I heard.
“You're not the only one full of surprises,” she winked and closed the door behind her.
I thought she was kidding until I went back into the kitchen and for the first time noticed the platter of bacon, eggs and pancakes.
She'd arranged them into a whimsical smiley face that brought a smile to my own face.
Never had such a silly gesture meant so much to me.
• • •
As soon as I stepped into the roaring party I knew something was wrong.
I couldn't put my finger on it as I gravitated toward the bar.
“Whiskey,” I ordered and turned to find out what it was about the boisterous crowd that didn't seem right.
My drink was served and I took a sip hoping the alcohol would help me.
It wasn't until two giggling women traipsed up to the bar and ordered two Manhattans that I finally grasped it.
Everyone as far as the eye could see was donning elaborate masks that covered their faces.
Usually I wouldn't have thought anything of it because even though the partygoers were masked, Butterfly's typical rainbow outfit was hard to replicate and I would've spotted her instantly but that was the problem, she was nowhere to be seen. Usually, I would pick her out in a crowd instantly but for some reason I was having trouble picking out her particular bright clothing from the throngs of people.
Hoping she was in the bathroom I didn't have the chance to take another sip before a petite woman walked up to me.
Her golden mask contrasted beautifully with her dark skin and as she took it off the distinctive cat eyes of July Walsh stared up at me with a luster that helped her earn her stripes as an actress.
“Well, if it isn't the woman of the hour.”
She placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. “Carson. Always good to see you. I caught a glimpse of you yesterday but before I could get round to say hi you were nowhere to be found.”
“You know me. Always busy.”
“Too busy for your favorite actress?”
“Well, I don't think I've seen Helena Bonham Carter at one of these. And this is my third.”
She let out a carefree laugh then ordered a Bloody Mary.
“You hurt my feelings, Carson.”
“I thought people appreciated the truth? I know I do.”
She gave a low chuckle and accepted her red drink. “Meeting someone?”
“Something like that,” I replied, not giving out the entire truth. It wasn't that I didn't trust July — she was actually pretty cool — I just didn't want to be hounded.
She just raised an eyebrow and turned the straw toward her mouth.
In that moment I could see why Nick was in love with her. She did everything with a sort of quiet elegance.
“So, how are things with Nick?”
She spared me a glance before her sultry eyes landed on Nick in the crowd.
“Oh God, please don't tell me you're a JuNi.” She groaned.
“JuNi?”
“That's what our fans call us. What I've come to understand is a ship name. Whatever that is supposed to mean.”
“And what's wrong with being a JuNi?”
“Everything! Now people are holding their breath anticipating the day Nick and I will officially become a thing and that is additional pressure on top of the one our careers bring. It's giving us ideas we shouldn't be having.”
I raised my eyebrow urging her to elucidate.
“I like Nick, a lot. If it were any other time I would definitely hop on that train with both eyes shut. Just not now.”
Poor Nick.
“I think you should tell him that.”
“You think so?” She turned to me with a distraught look.
“Yes, that's what I just said.”
She punched my arm and went back to her drink.
“Oh no. Here comes Rob and his gang of overage asskissers. I am so done with the lot of them,” she scoffed at a particularly loud group heading straight for the bar, lead by a fat white man with a prominent stomach talking to a small Chinese man in a black suit.
“You got this, I have faith in you,” she winked and squeezed my arm before taking off.
“Wait, what is that supposed to . . .”
I was cut off by a loud slam on the wooden counter next to me.
“Shots for everyone,” Rob boomed causing a hurrah to ripple through the crowd. I was so not in the mood for an asinine conversation with the president of the production company that was responsible for all this but as it turned out the universe was against me because Rob immediately turned to me and slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Carson Miller! Hey everyone, this is the guy that made it all happen. Raise a glass!” He announced in a jovial tone that instantly gave me a headache.
Deciding I'd had enough I dropped my glass and made to stand up. “Glad I could help, Rob, but I gotta run.”
“Now?” His watery blue eyes darted around. “But the party has barely begun. I was going to give a big speech and I'd like you up there with me.”
Alarm bells went off in my head. The only thing I hated more than a hall filled with people was having to go on stage unprepared. I would usually take three days to prepare to say just three words.
“No, actually . . .”
“Nonsense. Come on.”
“Mother fucker,” I whispered under my breath.
After downing his shot, Rob lead me up to the brightly lit stage in front and I made a mental note to add Rob to my Black List. The List contained the names of people that I would do business with only through a proxy, otherwise it might end with me in an orange jumpsuit scratching out tally marks on the walls of a dingy shithole.
Rob tapped the microphone and it let out a deafening screech. If looks could kill he'd already be saying hi to great grandma Hilda.
“Sorry about that people,” he addressed the already quiet room. “So, this is the official end. I'm sincerely going to miss all you suckers. We've been giving kudos to Nick and July and Olivia and Blake but there's one person we haven't given due credit, and that is this man,” Rob gathered me to him and my nostrils were immediately attacked by the cloying scent of deodorant and alcohol. “Carson Miller is one of the revolutionaries of our time and his company's newest high-tech gadget is the only reason we're even here right now. So let's give a big round of applause to Miller Inc.”
I had tuned all of them out as soon as I stepped up but as I scanned the enthusiastic crowd of gaily dressed people I caught a flash of a rainbow skirt. Heaving a sigh of relief, I bowed to the clapping people and hastily descended the stage.
I adjusted the cuffs of my tux as Rob started his speech. I pushed my way through people to get to the door where I'd seen the brief flash.
Stepping into the night I looked around and found that I was alone.
Beginning to get confused, it was then that I noticed a man standing at the bottom of the stairs and looking down the street.
Deciding to try my luck I approached him.
“Hey, sorry, have you seen a woman come by here? She's probably dressed in a rainbow skirt.”
He turned and I was almost blinded by the gold chains on his neck.
“Yeah, but you just missed her.”
“Really?” I was surprised by this information. “Do you have any idea in which direction she was headed?”
Concern was slowly starting to creep in. The party had started hours ago and Butterfly was yet to make an entrance.
“What does it matter?” The strange man who I didn't even know his name brought up his other hand and cradled something that reflected in the street lamp.
I stopped and gestured to the object. “May I see that?”
For the first time he stopped and surveyed me.
“And who are you?”
My mounting worry made me oblivious to the slightly rude tone with which the question came out.
“I'm not a creep, I promise. She and I are friends,” I remembered last night. “Well, sort of.”
“Butterfly?” His face looked like I had just told him I was heading back to my home planet of Mars.
“Yeah, I know, crazy right?”
“Totally. Far as I know she avoids people like the plague. I ain't never seen an antisocial social person till I met B.”
It did not occur to me that I was talking to a stranger in the middle of the night.
“How did you meet her?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Oh, I'm her manager, Bill.” He stretched out his hand and I shook it.
“Carson,” I told him not bothering to include my last name.
“Booked this gig right here for B. We get up to the door, she sets one foot in and suddenly she doesn't want to be here anymore.” He shook his head.
“Do you have any idea why she acted that way? Or where she might be?”
“Naw, man. Butterfly, she been actin' out of character, ya know? Said she didn't want to renew her contract, now she leaves before finishing a gig. Gave me this ridiculous thing on her way out,” he extended his hand to me and I took what had been in it. “I guess the mystery is part of her whole shtick but damn, it makes everything so confusing.”
My fear kicked in as I fingered the tiny jewels on the pink mask between my fingers and that feeling of something being wrong came over me.
“Did she seem ok?” I asked him as my heart thundered in my chest.
She had to be alright. I had no idea what I'd do if anything ever happened to her.
He shrugged. “Sorta. She was in quite a hurry, seemed like she didn't wanna be here, ya know? Which is strange cos see, B? She's different, she love the music. She understand it. That's what's running through her veins, ya know?”
“Thanks,” I told Bill and started on the opposite direction where I'd parked my car.
“Where are you going?”
“Where else? To find her.”
“No offence, but I think that is the worst idea I've heard today. Just let her be, in a few days she'll come around. She's probably just tired, or homesick.”
I came to a halt and turned around. “Maybe but she would never leave this behind,” I shook the mask in my hand. “I just can't shake this feeling that something is off. I just need to make sure she's alright.”
Bill just folded his arms. “You guys are more than friends ain't you?”
“I care about her a lot. We were supposed to meet tonight anyway. I need to know why she stood me up.”
He sighed. “Alright. But quick question, do you even know where you're going to start?”
“Sure, her hotel. It's probably the only place she really knows in this city.”
He then told me her room number and wished me good luck.
I spent the entire drive there throwing glances at the mask that I had placed beside me on the passenger seat, watching as the lights bounced off it and the brilliant light it threw across the dark interior of my car.
I searched my thoughts for any sign that she would pull such a stunt tonight but nothing stood out.
I pulled up in front of the brightly lit hotel that I had dropped her off only the day before.
I really hoped that she was still up there and most importantly that she was alright. I would take any explanation, I just needed her safe.
After confirming what floor her room was on from the front desk I raced to the elevators without a second glance at the tasteful candelier or the carefully waxed floors of the lobby.
The elevator spat me out in the middle of a well-lit hallway.
The plush red carpeting absorbed any sounds my dress shoes made as I turned to the left.
A housekeeping cart was parked outside the door opposite hers and I feared the worst.
I knew what I was going in to meet but I tried the handle on the door anyways.
Miraculously the door opened and I stepped inside.
It was dark but most of all it was empty.
I immediately knew that Butterfly had used this room because the air was infused with a delicate honeysuckle perfume.
It must've been what she was wearing tonight.
A hole grew in my chest as I made my way to the king-sized bed in the middle of the room using the light from the hallway.
I sank on it and continued worrying the mask in my hand.
For the first time reality dawned on me.
She had left in the middle of the night because she didn't want me to follow her.
She didn't want me, period.
Before I could stop it a loud, maniacal laughter burst out of me with so much force that I landed backwards on the bed.
My humor was seated in the irony of my situation.
For years I had done this — abandoned without a second thought — to several women and now that it was my turn I tasted just how bitter this particular pill was to swallow.
Karma really was a bitch.