I can't help but have a cold foot seeing Joseph. His hair was wet and looked messy, with his eyebrows darted in different directions. The light illuminating from my room makes his face clearer as his eyes were red. His lips paused in a thin line, as he tried to talk as I perceived the smell of alcohol which made me cough, the reeking smell filling my nostril.
"I have fallen dee..ply for you. Why are you avoiding me", he stuttered as he staggered forward as I held his shoulders.
" It feels so terrible with this feeling. I can't stop it and I feel almost less when you are on my mind. Please forgive me. Help me out", he stated as he leaned closer to me.
My heartbeat as the thought of him kissing me came to my mind, making me shudder inwardly. I can't let this happen. I can't kiss the same sex neither can I give my first kiss to him. I have to stop this", I told myself only for him to fall on my shoulder, as his head rested on my shoulder.
"Joseph", I called out, patting him slightly, only to hear his soft snores.
He is asleep", I thought as I moved back to reach the bed as I gently placed him on the bed.
My hand draped on his neck as I felt his temperature which was hot. I headed to the bathroom as I brought out a towel and a small basin containing cold water.
I sat on the bed gently placing the water on the small table beside the bed. Bringing out the towel which was now wet, I began to drape it on his head and neck, to reduce his running temperature.
My hands found their way to his shorts as I started unbuttoning them. My face flushed instantly at the sight of his bare chest as I used the wet towel to drape his chest.
Placing the moist towel on top of his head, as I covered him with a blanket. I could not help but get teary-eyed as I stared at him. He looks almost different and just for a moment to stop his thoughts about me, he drank alcohol.
Even the part of my mind still saw it as karma for him since he wished to make me fall for him, I can't help but feel bad for being the cause. It would have been better if I had feelings for him and not the other way, especially since I have mastered how to control my feelings toward the same sex.
For Joseph, everything would have seemed so new to him. Apart from the frustrations that come with developing feelings for the same sex, the rejection from me would have brought nothing but sadness, as he must have been trying to control his emotions and liking for me.
Sometimes whenever I look at the mirror and see who I was, I always have a mixed feeling. I shouldn't be thinking about that. I have to find a way to help him out just as Chris said. I was once in a situation like his, feeling that sadness just from having that weird feeling but I always put something in my mind
'God gave us feelings not for us to give in to them but to learn how to control them'. I have to make Joseph understand that he had to control his sexual urges.
I climbed down only for Joseph's hand to hold mine, as he kept mumbling some words. I leaned closer as I tried to get some of his words but I could not pick any of his words.
I breathed in and out, as I gently removed my hand from his. Taking the basin to the bathroom, I could not help but think of how I would possibly make Joseph realize some things about his feelings for me. Will he still threaten me with the video? What if he tried to force himself on me again? What if he is not going to give up on his plan of dating me? What if I give in?
Each question kept knocking on the door of my brain as I felt my body feeling heavy. Washing my face with the running water, I made my way to my study table as I began going through my diaries only to see two books. A smile crept to my face as I remembered how one of my classmates gave me these two sets of books. He called them ' BOOKS TO ALL SITUATION' even tho they had a different title. I hope this helps, I thought before saying a short prayer and then going through it.
*****
I could hear Joseph groan, as I opened my eyes slightly. I raised my head only to realize that his hand was on my waist. I gently removed his hand as I fell on the floor hitting my butt.
" Ow", I cried out but stopped when I heard the cranking sound of the bed. Joseph raised his head as he touched his head, closing his eyes again, resting on the rim of the bed. He is probably having a hangover, I thought as I stood up.

I headed to the kitchen as I warmed the stew I made yesternight. Pouring a full spoon of stew on the plate, I went out of the kitchen holding a big loaf of bread in my right hand and the plate of stew in the other hand.

Placing it on the small table, I looked at Joseph who wore a complicated look.
"Hey, you are awake. You should eat something before using some drugs for your hangover", I said trying to avoid looking at his chest which was exposed.

He stood up from the bed as he walked towards me. I could feel my heartbeat and also his gaze on me. He left as I turned to see him make his way to the bathroom. He stopped abruptly, as he turned to face me.
" Do you have a spare toothbrush I can use?", he asked and for a split second, I felt lost.
"Urm, sure", I said as I handed him a towel, the set of clothes he gave me the day I visited him, and also the toothbrush he requested.
He collected it, not sparing me a smile as he shut the door of the bathroom. Why do I even feel bothered? A sense of anger came to my mind especially at how he acted.

He is in my room yet he wants to act like a boss. Pacing for a while, I calmed down. I shouldn't be angry at him. I am supposed to help him", I told myself before covering the stew I offered to Joseph. After that, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare rice.
My mind kept wandering at Joseph's strange behavior. I could not help but have a thought that he has amnesia. Alcohol cannot cause amnesia right? I need to stop thinking, I told myself as I continued cooking.
Minutes passed as I decided to stay in the kitchen throughout my cooking. I did that mostly to avoid Joseph as I could feel the tension in my void.
The door to the kitchen opened, causing me to stop on my track as it opened widely revealing Joseph. I can't help but compliment his look in the clothes he wore. The same clothes he gave me, which I was only able to put on twice.
I darted my eyes to the pot as I turned off the gas. I should not be checking him out. Think Michael, think", I kept telling myself as I felt him move towards me.
" Michael, are you still angry at me?" he questioned as I felt glued to that spot.
Am I still angry at him?