There was a girl that I used to like. We went to the same preschool, but she never once noticed me despite being so close to her. I was jealous of her childhood friend; they're always together, glued to each other. She never even pays attention to other people other than him. She made it so obvious that she liked him that it makes me wonder: what did she even like him for?
"Timothy, let's play together."
The first time she called out for me, I was surprised. I can't believe that she even knows my name. well, my middle name, but still. She's the only one who called me by that name. It makes me feel special for some reason.
I was a shy kid back then, so she's the one who started the conversation. She makes me feel so happy. But the moment her childhood friend comes into the picture, she completely forgets about me, as she always ends up running to him. I wonder if she even notices that she's making me feel sad.
I want her to see me.
But her attention is always glued to him. It annoys me. And just when I was trying to get close to her, she left.
"She moved to a different school."
Ah. There goes my little heart, crushed without even doing anything.
My first love ended before it even began. And I never saw her again after that; gradually, I forgot about her. It's not like we're close enough to stay in contact; I can't help but forget about her existence since I don't even know if we will ever meet again.
Until I finally saw her again after three years later being in the same class.
"Huh? Is it time to go home?"
The first time we met again, I don't really remember her face since she looked so different from back then. Her hair is longer, still, she was as pretty as I could remember. Although our first time meeting each other again was awkward since she was staring at me in confusion, It's cute how she's trying to ignore me on purpose; I can't believe I found it so amusing. She's so adorable that I can't help but feel curious, since I thought that she seemed familiar. So I decided to walk next to her, which made her flinch in surprise. God, she's so damn cute.
"You, the new girl?"
I asked, followed by a yawn. I just woke up from a nap, but I'm starting to feel drowsy again. She keeps acting as if she didn't hear me, which is cute. She makes me want to tease her more.
"You mute or something?"
I'm not trying to be rude; it just comes naturally out of my mouth. I can't really help it. She seems hesitant at first but has decided to answer me. I wonder what she is thinking to make such a curious look on her face.
"Not really."
She sighs. Woah, hearing her voice really did ring a bell. On this moment, my mind was doing a full investigation on her as I tried hard to recall where I had heard her voice before.
"You looking for a way out to escape this hell school?"
I joked as it seemed like she wanted to laugh but keep it cool. I wonder what she is thinking now...
"I wish, but no. I'm looking for the main office."
She replied as I told her that the main office is near the school entrance. She seems surprised by that, which is weird; I thought she would know since everyone literally walks past there when entering the school. She thanked me for showing her the way. It's funny how she's obliviously so cute; gosh, I want to continue teasing her.
"Okay, you can treat me to ice cream in return."
I suggested it as she kept staring at me in confusion. I mean, I can't help it. She's just too cute to tease.
"I'm broke."
When she said that, I couldn't help but burst into laughter. She's not even trying, but she makes me laugh so much that I don't even understand why.
"Well, my treat then."
I gave her a smile as she continued to stare at me in confusion before finally entering the main office. That was fun. I decided to wait for her since I don't feel like going home yet, but I was really surprised at how long it took for her to even come out of the office. Although she did look at me weirdly for waiting for her and giving her banana milk, she doesn't seem to hate it.
"Nadine"
This was the moment that I finally remembered who she was after reading her name tags. She's the only one who has that name. I can't believe that I'm meeting her again; it's shocking, but I decided to keep it to myself since she doesn't seem to recognise me.
I can't believe that she's back.
I mean, it did annoy me when I saw that she's still friends with Koby. I honestly thought that they're not close anymore, but it seems like I'm wrong as he went to our class looking so impatient as he pulled her into a hug. Damn. I wish I was the one who did all that. It's annoying how he keeps saying how he misses her. I don't want to see this so early in the morning.
It's always been like this.
Her attention would always go to Koby.
It's not like something is different from back then.
But I can't help but notice when she's in a pinch. I mean, we were supposed to have PE right now. But it seems like she didn't bring a change of clothes, so being the good guy that I am, of course I decided to lend her my jacket, although I didn't really plan to skip PE, but still, I don't want her to be scolded when she's only just got here.
Seeing her eyes light up as she thanked me, God. She's so cute.
"Okay, I want to drink banana milk."
I told her jokingly as she continued to observe me before finally giving me a thumbs up. That was so cute, shit. Although it's such a shame that we won't be spending PE together, I'll just wait for another opportunity to arise.
"Ren."
I heard Nadine's voice calling out for my name, and I couldn't help but feel happy. It's the first time she called me by my name, I mean, my first name. God, how I miss her calling me Timothy. But the moment I turned to face her, I was annoyed to see the envelope in her hand.
Shit, it's seriously annoying.
I've been receiving weird envelopes for a while these days, and what surprised me the most is when the envelope is sometimes filled with cigarettes or condoms. Whoever is doing this is seriously pissing me off. And it worries me how they gave this envelope to Nadine; she literally just got here. I don't want them to target her or something.
This is bad.
"Why did you do that?"
Nadine lets out a frustrated sigh as I finally snap back to reality. Shit, this is disgusting. Why did the milk have to explode right in front of us? I shouldn't have done that in front of her.
I told her not to accept anything from the people who gave her these weird envelopes again if she even encounters them, as she just stares at me in confusion and disbelief. She must think I'm losing my mind right now. I honestly don't want her to see this side of me.
"But why did you have to throw the banana milk? You know how tiring it is to stay in line for that? Ugh. I thought you wanted to drink that? Such a waste."
Nadine shook her head in disbelief, and I was surprised by that. Wait, I thought this milk was from those people, but it was from her? God.
"You told me you wanted it, right? If you didn't want it, you should've given it back to me and not thrown it away for whatever reason it is."
She added, making me feel guilty now after what I had done. I can't believe that she really did buy me the banana milk. I was only joking, but woah. She's really cute, pouting as she keeps saying how she's going to the bathroom to change. I told her that I was sorry and that I would've drunk the milk if I knew it was from her, but she just told me to forget about it since it had already happened. But still, I feel sorry for making her feel—bad. Shit, something's wrong with me.
"Sorry."
I wrote on the sticky note as I put the banana milk on her desk. I seriously can't believe there's a freaking line for the vending machine. But I'm glad that I could get the last banana milk. It was cute to see her reactions. She definitely knows it was from me, as we keep changing eye contacts. Did I already say how cute she was? God. But hearing her and Ruby talk about her going on a date with Koby is seriously pissing me off.
Like, what the heck?
She was smiling from ear to ear as she told Ruby that it wasn't a date, but why does she seem so happy like it really is a date?
This is troubling me for some reason.
I was so annoyed that I had to see her happy with her childhood friend again. God, it feels like they're haunting me. I don't want to continue being involved with them ever again.
I said that,
But when I saw her standing next to the room next to mine, I was definitely shocked.
"Huh? What are you doing here?"
She seemed shocked when I said that. It's weird; I mean, why is she here? Did she also rent a room here because she doesn't want to go home? Huh, I wonder if we did have something alike. She looks anxious for some reason; I wonder if she doesn't want anyone finding out about her being here.
"I bet Mr. Paul got caught cheating again."
I tried to lighten up the mood with all the yelling and screaming outside of my room. She seems to relax a bit, but I was really surprised with her reaction, for God's sake, she's so cute. How can someone be so cute? Shit.
"Why the heck do you have a bathroom and a window?"
Nadine blurted out as I couldn't help but feel confused. Isn't it the same for everyone here? As I said, she just scoffed in disbelief, saying that her room doesn't have a window or a bathroom; it's funny how she said she could die in there. Her reactions are so cute and refreshing. She makes me feel curious about her.
When she asked me if I also rented a room here, it got me wondering. So she really did rent a room too, huh? I told her that I'm only here when I don't feel like going home, and her expression changed.
"At least you got a home."
Nadine makes me confused. Curious. What did she mean by all that? I wanted to ask her, but I don't know if I should. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it, but goddamned, I am so curious about what she meant. We've never really had a proper conversation; being here with her right now feels like a dream.
I don't want this dream to end.
I did ask her if she was homeless or something, and that made her burst into laughter, saying that she was something along the way. She looks even prettier when she smiles. But God, I can't help but feel curious about what happened to her. At least she doesn't need to go home to a house that doesn't even have anyone in it. I'm actually jealous of her; she could still smile despite being in a situation that most people would definitely feel—sad about.
It's strange; we don't know what each other meant, but the conversation feels nice. Talking to her about this makes me feel so close to her; I wonder if she feels the same way. We're both missing our moms. I wonder if she lost her mom too. It's weird for me to ask that, so I don't want to pry too much into her life when we literally just started to become closer.
"I feel like I was scammed."
Nadine sighs as she shows me her room. It really doesn't have any windows, and I wonder how she could even stay in this small, unventilated room. I didn't realize that my arm was resting on her shoulder; I'm just glad that she doesn't seem to mind it. God, being this close to her makes me feel nervous for some reason.
"I'm going home."
I sigh as she just stares at me. I seriously don't want to go. Just when we started to be closer, it just has to end right now. Shit. This is so annoying; if only I didn't have to go right now, I would stay with her and we would chat all night.
"Bye Nadine."
Shit, it still feels weird to say her name, like we're close or something. And the way she looks at me, I wonder what she is thinking.
I seriously don't want this day to end.