Ren told me that he would explain everything. And I don't know if I heard it right, but it seems like he might have feelings for me. I don't know, the way he reacted and all of that makes me want to believe that, but I still have a lot of questions since he was supposed to like Celine, right? So I wonder what changed. Not that I care since the fact that he might actually have feelings for me makes me feel so giddy.
And he told me he would be waiting.
I don't know why hearing that makes me want to cry again—definitely in happiness. But I wasn't supposed to feel like this since I can't help but feel worried about Koby, about his confession.
This is seriously making me lose my mind. Just when I finally realised my feelings for him, he decided to make me confused all over again. I mean, why now? Why didn't he tell me about his feelings when I kept showing him about my feelings for him?
Ugh, this is troubling.
"You came."
I don't know why seeing his face makes me feel like crying. Why do you have that kind of expression on your face? Why do you look so sad?
"What happened?"
I am indeed worried, especially when he pulled me into a hug. I am speechless. I am dumbfounded. Koby was silent for a moment; it seems like he has been crying.
"I told Celine about my feelings for you. She was crying."
Koby sighs as I continue to pat his back. I honestly don't know what to say—to tell the truth, I am confused. Since I was supposed to be happy hearing this, right? after planning to ruin their relationship and all. But now that it actually did happen, I don't know what to feel.
This is weird.
"Why did you say that to her?"
I can't believe that I said that when he looks so vulnerable now. Shit, he literally just told me that I was the reason they broke up.
"Because I finally realised my feelings for you."
Koby sighs in frustration as he pushes me away, looking so confused.
"But how can you tell me that it was a mistake? Do you seriously not feel anything for me?"
Koby added and I can't help but feel guilty. I wonder about that too. Because from the first time, I was so sure about my feelings for him, but now that Ren comes into the picture, I am confused about whether my feelings for Koby are real or not.
"I did like you. But that was in the past, seeing you again makes me realise that. Seeing you with someone other than me, of course I was jealous because we had always been together since we were young. So it was all new to me. But with everything that happened right now, I finally see that—it just feels wrong."
I told him the truth, although it was weird how I could say all this now when I was so MADLY sure about my feelings for him. Koby seems frustrated as he lets out a heavy sigh.
"What changes? What's the difference between before and now? Is it because of Ren?"
Koby asked as I continued to stare at him. I mean, he's not wrong.
"He makes me feel like I belong. He sees me, comforts me, and he always stays by my side—so yes, there is a difference."
I told him the truth, and Koby just scoffed in return. Shit, why is the atmosphere so weird now? I was supposed to comfort him as he looked so sad before, but now why did he look so angry?
"Seriously? How long have you known him? Five days? And you seriously believe that—he actually feels like that towards you?"
Koby was angry. I don't know why, but everything that comes out of his mouth hurts me. I don't know what to say to him if he said it like that. I mean, yes, I just met Ren. And we only recently got closer. But it was enough for me to realise that he really did care for me with his actions.
"At least he doesn't make me cry."
I replied as Koby continued to stay silent. This feels so wrong. I'm starting to regret that I even came here.
"I'm sorry."
Koby sighs, and I can't help but feel relieved.
"I keep deluding myself with expectations. I thought that you would always stay with me despite everything. Guess I was wrong, huh?"
Koby added as he gave me a weak smile, as I couldn't help but feel confused with what he meant.
"You must have it tough after everything that happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry for making you cry; I'm sorry for making you feel like I didn't care."
When Koby squeezes my hand, I honestly don't know what to feel. The way he talks makes me feel like he knows everything that happened to me. I'm scared. I'm worried. I don't want him to sympathise with me.
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't tell me everything. I'm sorry for hurting you and saying things that confused you even more. I'm sorry for not being there."
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.
"I am hurt that I have to hear what happened from someone else. It hurts so much that HE knows something that I was supposed to know about."
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽. 𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲.
"Why didn't you tell me about your mom? Why CAN'T you tell me? even if we're no longer as close as we used to be. But you're still my friend. Someone that I cared about. So WHY? Why WON'T you tell me anything?"
Koby was desperate for answers; he keeps staring at me with sad eyes. I can't bring myself to process everything that he said. He knew, about my mom, about everything.
But how?
"I care for you, always have been. So please, tell me something—anything. I want to hear it from YOU."
I'm terrified of what he's going to say to me if I tell him the truth. I'm scared to face the truth, and I don't want him to be worried. I don't know why everything just hurts. Please stop; I don't want to talk about this.
"I'm sorry."
That's the only words that manage to escape my mouth. Koby was indeed disappointed but he didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry for ruining your relationship. I'm sorry for coming back. I'm sorry that—"
Before I could finish my sentence, Koby pulled me into another hug, telling me that I don't have to tell him if I'm not ready.
"It's alright. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You don't have to apologize; it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I did everything by myself; it wasn't because of you."
Koby reassures me, as I can't help but feel guilty. Heck, if only he knew that I literally planned to ruin his relationship with Celine.
"Everything's going to be okay."
I was supposed to be the one comforting him, but I have no idea why he's the one comforting me right now. I feel so guilty that I can't bear to look at him in the face.
I'm sorry.
Koby didn't say anything to me after that; we just continued to stay silent, as I don't remember how long it had been.
Ren was supposed to be waiting for me.
I almost forgot about him.
"Whenever you're ready, I'm always here for you. So take your time; I won't force you to say things that you don't want to."
Koby finally spoke as he brushed the dirt off his pants; he seems to be better than before. I hope he's not doing this for my sake. But I can't help but feel troubled—how did he know about this? Ethan promised me that he was not going to say anything to Koby.
Wait. Don't tell me it was Emma.
"Thank you, and I'm sorry."
I replied that Koby just gave me a smile; I miss seeing him smile AT me. I can't help but think about the memories we have together. Koby just told me that he's okay and that I don't have to worry about him. Somehow, this makes me feel guilty. It feels like he's faking a smile just to make me feel—okay.
I hope that he's not lying to himself.
"I miss you so much."
Koby breathed out as he pulled me into another hug, not knowing that this would be our last hug together. Being in his arms makes me realise that I really do care for him. He was someone dear to me; he makes me feel safe. And it will always remain the same because Koby is my precious friend—always and forever.