Koby told me that he's going to be true to his feelings, which made me confused at first, but he just told me not to be worried. How can I not? He literally just broke up with his girlfriend, and I still feel guilty about that.
"I'll be fine; these feelings will pass."
Koby gave me a smile, a genuine one, as he finally left. I don't know what to feel right now; I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I mean, it's not like we're not going to see each other again or something, but I don't know why the situation feels similar to that.
It's not easy to forget about one's feelings.
I admit that I might have these "unknown" feelings towards him, but I'm glad that it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would be. And I'm glad that a certain someone is still waiting for me to come back.
"Ren."
I called out his name as he gave me a smile; I don't know why I am so nervous seeing him.
"Nadine."
Ren replied as he took my hand, pulling me slowly to him as we took a seat since he told me that he was going to explain everything.
"Did you remember the day I told you that I wanted to tell you a secret?"
Ren started as I couldn't help but feel a little bit annoyed since how can I forget about the fact that he didn't show up despite saying all that?
"I wouldn't forget about that, not like someone else."
I said it half-jokingly as he just sighed, staring at me with sorry eyes. Ugh, how can I stay mad at you if you're looking at me with those puppy eyes?
"To tell you the truth, I saw you and Koby. I heard your confession to him. I saw you crying in his arms. Seeing all that when I finally decided to tell you my feelings just hurts. I was jealous. I was stupid. I was stubborn, and I'm definitely shameless for saying this, but I can't help it; my ego got the better of me."
Ren sighs as he continues to hold my hand. My heart was thumping like crazy when he mentioned "his feelings for me." Wait, what? I am confused, but I am even more curious about everything. I mean, since when did he start having these feelings towards me? I seriously believe that I'm going to be in unrequited love.
"But it's not what you think it is."
I squeezed our hands together as Ren stared at me with confusion and curiosity. I told him what happened that day, my confession to Koby, about how my feelings for him, which I thought were real are actually for someone else.
Ren seemed shocked.
"Fuck. I was so blinded by jealousy that I ended up hurting you."
Ren sighs, and I can't help but feel relieved. For some reason, hearing him say that he's jealous makes me feel happy.
"But why are you jealous?"
I replied as Ren just continued to stare at me. Gosh, the way he's looking at me feels so unreal.
"Because I like you."
Ren states that I was dumbfounded—I mean, I didn't expect him to just blurt it out. For goodness' sake, have some pity on my fragile heart.
"But I thought you liked Celine?"
I tried to keep my composure and change the topic, but he seems to be noticing that. Gosh, why is he so cute? I'm dying. Literally.
"It was actually a lie."
Ren stated, and I can't help but feel confused.
"I never really said that I liked her from the beginning, did I? I wonder where you got that idea."
Ren chuckled as I became even more confused. What?
"But you told me it's a win-win for both of us? I just assumed you liked her since that's the way it was supposed to be, right? Huh? So why did you say that it's a win for you when you don't even like her?"
I raised an eyebrow as Ren seemed nervous. For some reason, his cheeks were red. Wait, don't tell me he's blushing. Woah, for real?
"I was actually trying to steal your heart away from that childhood friend of yours."
Ren replied, and I almost choked on my own saliva when he said that.
WAIT.
JUST WAIT A MOMENT.
"I actually lied about saying that I wanted to help you, while the truth is, I'm only doing this for myself."
Ren added and I can't believe he just said all that. I mean, so in the beginning—from the very start, he was talking about me?
WHAT?
WAIT.
HUH??
now that I remember about it. It's super embarrassing that I was so oblivious to his confession. Wait, what the hell? So it was me that he liked? From the start? Huh?
"Remember how I told you that I met her—YOU—in preschool? It's the truth."
Shit. Hearing all this feels so weird. But at the same time, I was so nervous and excited, and AHHHHH
"I seriously don't remember you."
I replied truthfully, as Ren just gave me a beaming smile. I'm still confused with everything; I don't remember a single thing that he told me about—us knowing each other back when we were young. Shit, I was so focused on Koby that I don't even remember the others. No matter how hard I tried to recall, I couldn't remember a boy named Ren.
"Timothy, you used to call me Timothy."
Ren smiled as I couldn't help but feel confused. At first, I still didn't understand what he was saying, but suddenly, a memory flashed back into my mind as Ren smiled at me.
"You're that shy little boy."
I gasped as Ren just rolled his eyes, saying that he's no longer the same "boy" that I used to know. Wait, now that I remember about it, He does look familiar. Oh my god. I mean, we used to play together back then, but we don't really hang around much with each other, so I can't believe that he remembers me. And what's even more shocking, He has feelings for me—at a time when I only had eyes for Koby.
Shit.
"I had always been waiting for the day you finally SEE me—noticed me. It's been a long and annoying journey seeing you always so close to Koby."
Ren confessed, and I can't believe this is real.
"Seeing you again feels unreal. And I've decided that I'm done waiting; it's time for me to make my move. I lied, saying that I would help you get him, while the truth is that I wanted you all for myself. You know how horrible it is to see you ALWAYS choose him over me? It's so frustrating."
I honestly don't know what to say to that. I mean, heck, I was TOO focused on Koby that I failed to see that Ren had always been there.
WOAH.
This is still shocking.
He's THAT Timothy.
The boy who used to cry when he got sand in his eyes, the boy who always gives me candy.
The boy who smiles a lot—to me.
Shit.
Now that I've realised all this, I can't help but feel stupid. Have I really been blind this whole time?
"I've liked you, I always have been."
It's embarrassing that he said it so suddenly. My heart feels so weird that it feels like it's going to burst; these feelings of mine feel too unreal that I don't even know how to react to his confession.
"I like you so much."
My god, he's making it hard for me to breathe. Why does he have to smile so sweetly now?
"Ugh, wait. Let me breathe."
I pushed out my palm to cover his face. Shit, he's going to make fun of me if he saw my face right now.
This is weird.
I've never thought that his confession would make me feel so happy that I could die right now. The way Ren says my name, telling me that he wanted to see my face. God gracious, I am seriously losing my mind because of him.
I never thought that these feelings of mine would be reciprocated. I never thought that Ren was actually the one that I'd been longing for. Although I was too stupid to realise that now. But still, I'm glad that he's here.
"I like you."
Ren makes me want to experience love. Gosh, I don't know what is wrong with me. This feeling is too overwhelming; is it possible to be so happy right now?
Is it okay for me to feel like this?
Like Koby said, even if Ren told me that we have known each other since we were young, We practically just got close recently, so I don't even know if these feelings of mine—or his—are real.
Can I really be happy?
Ren makes me feel comfortable. He stayed with me when I was at my worst, and he told me it's okay to feel vulnerable. He said that he was going to make me smile and give me the warmest hug.
I wanted to believe in him.
We are young; we're still in high school, and we still have a lot to think about for the future. There are still a lot of unanswered questions that I have.
Did Emma really tell Koby about my mom?
What's going to happen with Koby and Celine's relationship now?
Is she going to be alright?
Is HE going to be okay?
Am I going to be fine?
The past that I'm trying hard to forget, the memory from my old school that I'm trying to erase.
The secrets that I'm trying to hide.
Am I going to be okay?
I don't know. I have no idea.
But for now, I just want to enjoy the present moment with him.
Being with him is enough.
I'm looking forward to spending every season with him. Every school festival and sports day, I'm looking forward to it all. I'm looking forward to more friendships, laughter, and creating new memories with him.
My Timothy,
I want to fall in love with you.