♱ •⋅ 1750 B.C. ⋅• ♱ •⋅ Loren ⋅• ♱
It was dark and painful, but then... it wasn’t anymore.
"Loren" her voice called me warmly and I couldn’t help but smile. She smiled because she still remembered me, because she was calling me, she was looking for me.
'Maybe' I whispered to myself 'maybe if I just fall asleep and don’t wake up anymore... I can stay here, I can... stay with her'.
That thought had arisen on any given day and with the same speed it had arisen in my mind, I tried to get him to move away, but... now it was kind of inevitable. 'Dad would be sad' - I remembered as I stood up.
Dad would be sad, but... at least it wouldn’t be more painful.
Abbadon would be sad, but I wouldn’t have to smile anymore.
'So Uncle Asmodeus...' he would understand.
I sighed and the blond-haired woman stared at me.
"Oh! You’re here... I was looking for you" she said as she sat next to me "what was it? You look down."
'I’m going to die..., but I feel scared' I thought to say, but her smile was so broad... and it would go out right? Smiles always faded when I came along, when... I said something like that.
"Loren?"
Smile, not a forced smile, but also not exactly a real smile. A middle ground, a middle ground that used to exist only when I was next to that woman.
"What the hell happened?"
"I think I’m tired" I admitted with the same truthfulness that I always did when addressing her "it seems like it’s getting more tiring lately."
"Hummm..." she hugged her own legs and carefully laid her head on my shoulder "are they demanding a lot from you? I thought you said the doctor was nice..."
Her blue eyes were so beautiful, so deep, they were like the eyes of that man in the fox mask, the same man who stood beside me, who saw me fall asleep; were they brothers? Well, maybe... cousins, maybe. They just seemed part of the same family, they seemed in so many questions that I wondered if this sweet, sweet and kind side was not a way for that family to express themselves.
"The doctor is" I said as I tried to hold my breath - a totally flawed attempt -, my eyes closing while admitting "but... I feel that the doctor can no longer help me."
I didn’t have to open my eyes to see her face change, but at least once with her - I didn’t want to be afraid to talk.
"It hurts, it always did, actually, but now? It usually hurts more, usually... it’s suffocating sometimes and my eyes weigh so much that I spend more time sleeping than awake" I murmured as my throat seemed to close "I feel my chest sink with pain and I feel my lungs fail whenever I end up smiling"a puffed and empty laugh escaped from my mouth "I... I really feel exhausted and after the doctor comes, after I take the blood, my eyes weigh more; I feel better for a few minutes, but then the pain gets worse, it gets worse and worse until I can’t stand it, until I give in, or until Daddy cradles me in his arms with magic.
I had not had the courage to say it before, but with every word that came out of my mouth, I felt the tears escape through my cheek, tears that I contained, tears that I knew I could not let escape."
"I... I really can’t say it hurts, I can’t... allow myself to feel what I feel" her hands caught up with me, but I couldn’t stop crying - even when she hugged me "I... I’m tired, I’m tired of smiling, I’m tired of being a good boy and tired of being a liar" my voice had become a mess, a complete whiny mess, full of hiccups impossible to contain "I want to lap, I want something hot, I want... I really want to be a spoiled and selfish boy, but I don’t want you to cry for me..." my hands closed in her clothes hard and I sank my face into her chest "I just want to die in peace... I know I’m going to die, I know... so I really want to die for good... I want Dad to let me die, I want him... just..."
The woman’s fingers caressed my face and with a warmth that I never received or even dreamed of, she rocked me, rocked me as she pulled me into her lap, as she hummed and calmly said.
"It’s OK" her lips smiled, smiled as I used to smile and even though the sadness was obvious in her soul, she was trying to comfort me as I had always done with others "you can be at peace, dear. He can be spoiled, selfish... can all this" whispered "with me he will always be able and even if he is tired... Loren, can you promise me one thing?"
I bit my lip hard, tears still kept coming down and my body was still sobbing.
"What?" I asked in a grunt.
"Can you trust me?"
That was a silly and at the same time strange question. It was silly because I had always trusted that woman, it was silly because in my mind and heart - she was always someone trustworthy -, but... above all, it was silly because even if she did not ask me, I would already trust.
"Uhum" is what I muttered with a disturbed mind and heart and she smiled, she really smiled this time.
"Loren... you will not die" she said calmly as her fingers caressed my weeping little face "you, my dear... are the one who will survive, is the first hybrid of this world and will be eternally the only true lord of the underworld. Your name means Glory and you could never die until the glory due to you is received, so... can you not give up? Can you... trust me and hold on a little longer? You don’t have to smile, you don’t even have to be a good boy, but... please, Loren, don’t give up. Breathe even if it is difficult, open your eyes even if it is complicated and when the medicines come, promise me that you will accept them even if it hurts..."
It was a difficult request, a request I did not want to answer, but when I faced it, I could not refuse.
I would do.
I’d do it for her.
⋅• ♱ •⋅