Kieran gazed up at the ceiling, wide awake at five o'clock in the morning. But it wasn't due to a nightmare or any lingering pain from his wounds. Instead, he was filled with excitement. The source of his anticipation was the realization that it was a significant day for him and Hardin. They were celebrating their one-month anniversary as a couple. Kieran vividly recalled Hardin's parting words, urging them to commemorate the occasion.
Kieran's eyes welled up with tears, but these were tears of bitter sweetness. Despite the immense pain he had endured, he couldn't help but find a small glimmer of happiness in his heart. Yet, deep down, he knew that this fleeting moment of joy would soon dissipate. His life had been marked by tragedy, and he braced himself for the inevitable arrival of yet another bitter day. Memories of being ignored, beaten, rejected, and subjected to various forms of physical, emotional, and mental abuse haunted him, casting a shadow on any hope for a lasting happiness.
And yet, a profound sadness filled Kieran's heart. Despite their deep love for each other, they were forced to keep their relationship hidden from the world. Kieran understood the need for secrecy, but it weighed heavily on his soul. Hardin, on the other hand, held immense pride in his love for Kieran. If it were up to him, he would shout their love from the rooftops, unafraid of the consequences. But he respected Kieran's wishes, sacrificing his own desire for the chance to be open and proud about their connection. Deep down, Kieran knew that Hardin would have been the first to proudly proclaim their love to the public, if only circumstances were different.
Kieran found himself perplexed by the lack of communication from Hardin. It was unlike their usual pattern, leaving him feeling unsettled and uncertain. He couldn't help but wonder why Hardin hadn't reached out, especially since their messages were normally frequent and constant. The absence of even a simple text message made Kieran's surprise grow, as he discovered that Hardin's Facebook and Line accounts were also offline. The sudden silence left Kieran questioning what could have caused this unexpected disconnect.
Kieran's mind began to form a hypothesis, suggesting that Hardin's knowledge of Mr. Pornthip's dislike for him may have influenced his decision not to reach out. Memories of the day when Kieran's father had lashed out at him came flooding back. Strangely, in the afternoon of that very day, Kieran noticed Mr. Pornthip behaving more amicably, almost as if nothing had occurred. In that moment, Kieran felt a glimmer of hope, as if his father's animosity towards him had momentarily faded away.
Kieran was taken aback by the situation. He desperately hoped that his father's acceptance of him and his relationship with Hardin was genuine, and not an act of hypocrisy. However, Kieran couldn't shake off the nagging question of where his father had disappeared to the day after their altercation. The surprising kindness displayed by Mr. Pornthip upon his return home only added to Kieran's confusion, leaving him with a significant question mark hovering in his mind.
He rose from his bed and briskly walked towards the study table, eager to find his cellphone that he had left there the previous night. With a deep breath, he dialed Hardin's number, only to be met with an unreachable signal. Frustratingly, Kieran tried again after five minutes, but to his dismay, the same outcome ensued. He couldn't help but wonder if something unexpected had occurred or if Hardin had perhaps planned a surprise for him. Knowing Hardin's propensity for romance, it wouldn't be far-fetched to imagine such a gesture from him.
Kieran is determined to turn things around and shed his negative image that he feels he has portrayed to others. Putting his cellphone aside, he recognizes the need to work on himself and embrace a more positive attitude.
However, concerns arise as Kieran contemplates how his father will react if he sees this change. He hesitates to think about the potential tension and wonders if his father's kindness will be overshadowed by the fear of deception.
In an effort to refresh himself, Kieran enters the bathroom and takes a quick shower, eagerly preparing for the day ahead. With a sense of urgency, he realizes the need to promptly get ready and put his best foot forward.
Leaving the bathroom, Kieran set about choosing his outfit. Opting for a comfortable pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt that he adored, he slipped on his trusty sneakers. Regardless of what he wore, Kieran knew he looked handsome.
As he made his way through the living room, Kieran spotted his father and couldn't help but mutter to himself about his unfortunate luck. He had hoped to avoid being seen in this casual attire. However, there was little he could do now that his father had already noticed him.
"Where are you off to?" his dad asked, setting down the cellphone he had been holding.
"Just going outside, Daddy," he replied.
"Hmmm, take care," his dad said, flashing a smile.
Kieran couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was the first time his dad had said those words to him, and it made his heart soar. All the disappointments he had been feeling seemed to melt away. It was music to his ears, like a beautiful melody playing. A broad smile spread across his face as he said, "Thank you, Dad." Mr. Pornthip nodded in response, understanding the significance of this moment. Kieran excused himself and stepped outside. Taking a deep breath, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. He wanted to shout with joy, but the overwhelming emotion kept his voice trapped in his chest.
Kieran stood there with a wide smile on his face as he waited for a taxi. Experiencing his dad's concern was a heartwarming feeling. It had finally happened, and he couldn't help but feel grateful. However, his thoughts quickly shifted to Pharm and Ayne. They hadn't even sent him a message. What could have happened? Were they somehow involved in Hardin's surprise? The uncertainty started to creep in, and Kieran couldn't help but wonder about the possible connections.
Regardless of whether there was a surprise or not, Kieran felt immense happiness upon seeing Hardin again. It had only been two days since they last interacted, but Kieran already longed for his presence. Day by day, Kieran's love for Hardin only grows stronger, and he remains committed to loving him unconditionally, no matter the circumstances.
How could he ever grow weary of loving a man who is willing to go to any lengths for him? A man who selflessly sacrifices his own happiness for the sole purpose of ensuring Kieran's well-being. Hardin's love for Kieran knows no bounds and he stands as a protector and guardian.
In their intimate moments, honesty prevails and there is no room for deceit or detachment. Every embrace is filled with genuine warmth and tenderness. Their love transcends societal norms, for it is a forbidden love misunderstood by those who fail to grasp its depth and significance.
Why do societal conventions label love as forbidden, even when the intentions are pure? Their love is guided by goodness and their hearts yearn for a deep connection. While they may have experienced pain along the way, Kieran remains steadfast in his commitment to loving Hardin. Even amidst uncertainty, Hardin still holds a special place in Kieran's heart. Kieran is ready to sacrifice everything, be it material wealth or personal happiness, just to be with Hardin. Their love knows no bounds and transcends the limitations of time. Hardin remains irreplaceable and their love remains eternal.
I will always be yours, Pee, and let's continue to fall for each other. It's clear to me that we were destined to be together, and my love for you will never waver. Despite the judgmental society we live in, I will never tire of asking you to be mine, Pee.
As Kieran's taxi came to a halt, a sigh escaped his lips. He found himself standing in front of the house he used to share with Hardin, Ayne, and Pharm – a place where love, passion, and lust intertwined in a king-size bed. Stepping out of the taxi, Kieran couldn't help but feel a heaviness in his chest. It had only been two days since he left, yet the familiar abode now seemed foreign and unwelcoming, casting an unsettling strangeness upon his return.
As the gate closed behind him, Kieran wasted no time in using his key to enter the premises. The locked door posed no obstacle for him. Since it was a Saturday with no classes, he wondered where Ayne, Pharm, and even Hardin could be. A feeling of emptiness struck him as he contemplated the absence of anyone inside. Silence permeated the space, and upon stepping indoors, Kieran's eyes scanned the impeccably neat surroundings. It appeared as though nobody had lived there for quite some time. A flood of questions raced through his mind – Why did it feel abandoned? Where could they possibly be?
As he ascended the staircase, Kieran's anticipation grew. He pushed open the door to his and Hardin's room and was immediately greeted by a breathtaking sight. Illuminated by a mesmerizing display of multicolored lights, the room took on an ethereal ambiance, reminiscent of butterflies gracefully fluttering in a sunlit meadow. Overwhelmed with emotion, tears of joy streamed down Kieran's face. The effort and thought put into this surprise was truly heartwarming.
Taking in the romantic atmosphere, Kieran's gaze swept across the room, curiosity piqued. He discreetly began searching for Hardin, wanting to share this magical moment. Two boxes captured his attention – one larger, the other smaller. Intrigued, he opted to open the smaller one first. Inside, he discovered a delicate necklace adorned with a sparkling star pendant.
"It'll lead you home when you're lost," he whispered, marveling at the significance of such a heartfelt gift.
Kieran tenderly kissed the pendant before carefully placing it back inside the small box. His excitement grew as he eagerly opened the larger box. Inside, he discovered a beautifully curated collection of books that made his heart skip a beat. Pride and Prejudice, Call Me by Your Name, It Ends with Us, All Your Perfects, A Gentle Reminder, and Start with Why.
Kieran's eyes sparkled with delight as he lovingly admired each book. The selection resonated with his love for literature and his desire to explore various emotions and perspectives through reading. He cherished the thoughtfulness behind this gift, recognizing the significance of each book in deepening their connection.
As Kieran absorbed the romantic atmosphere of the room, he couldn't help but wonder where Hardin was hiding. The anticipation grew as he eagerly searched for any clues or hints, his heart beating with excitement. Where could Hardin be? And why hadn't they revealed themselves yet? The enchanting garden seemed too magical to keep its secret any longer.
Kieran was captivated by the romantic surprises laid out before him. However, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of worry. Why hadn't Hardin appeared yet? As fatigue overtook him, Kieran settled into the comfortable bed, his eyelids growing heavy. He desperately wished for Hardin to wake him up when they finally arrived. The anticipation and longing filled the room as Kieran drifted off to sleep, hoping for a sweet surprise upon awakening.
As Kieran awoke, he was disheartened to find that Hardin was still nowhere to be seen. Despite waiting patiently, there was no sign of his arrival. Perplexed, Kieran glanced at his wristwatch, only to realize that it was already past five o'clock. He had been there since morning. Shaking his head in confusion, Kieran resolved to go downstairs and search for Hardin.
However, his movement came to a halt as he spotted a white paper carefully inserted inside the book "Call me by your name." Intrigued, he delicately picked it up, feeling his hands trembling with anticipation. It was a letter, handwritten by Hardin. With a mix of excitement and apprehension, Kieran began to read...
Dear Kieran,
I love you! It was supposed to be the happiest day of our entire life. To separate our ways from now on, which is the thing that didn't make me sad. It's you, and your presence that made me cry the whole day. It's the feeling that missing you for the rest of my life. Who knows if we are meant to separate ways so that we could find each other again? We will find each other back again, no matter where our feet bring us. I will treasure you always. But I have to give up. It's not the love that I give up, it's the opportunity to be with you for six years. And, when I come back everything will be fine. We will happy to be together again.
We will hold each other hands or kiss each other in the public without thrusting our relationship into the shadow, and out of the public eyes again. The last time I stayed in the house where our love begins I didn't wait for you to come. How sad, but even if you come, I will push you away even my heart wants you to bring you closer. It makes me sad with the thought that I'm walking away while you were not around, it makes me sad walking away while you weren't behind me. But surely, I'll be happy once I come back and have you again. Who else I can love? Nothing, only you, Kieran. You're my life.
I love you, Kieran, My love.
Take care always. I'll be seeing you.
Kieran squeezed the paper in his trembling hands. He dropped it on the floor and what follows was the tears that flooded his eyes and his shrieking.