Trisha
“A-are you Chris?” I looked at him closer and held his chin as firm as I can to keep him from looking away.
He looked straight at me with hurt inside his eyes and uncertainty. He opened his mouth as if he wants to say something but he closed it anyway and looked away from me.
“I-I need to go Trish.” He stood up and turned his back at me.
I looked at him walking away from me as I stood up. Should I run over to him? What should I do? I still don’t know how I feel towards Chris, or do I even feel something at all. I’m positive I have feelings towards this guy in front of me, and if this is Chris then…
“Please wait!” I ran towards him, as I reached out to him but the moment I went to grab him, he disappeared. He vanished out of thin air.
“Chris.” I whispered to myself.
I felt weird. I can’t pin point what I’m actually feeling right now, because if I would think about the situation calmly, there seemed to be no problem. I could just spend more time with Chris in person and find the spark I felt towards him when we’re here together, right? Also, it’s a choice – loving someone is a choice. If I choose to give him a chance then I know it will eventually work out, but why do I feel like something is still missing, like something does not add up.
It feels like I was hoping for someone else and not Chris. No, I know I’m hoping for someone else. I was honestly hoping that the guy in my dreams is… Fernandez – Art and not Christ.
I put my hand towards my chest and decided that I should talk with Chris in person. I don’t know for how long I can remember the dreams we shared together, so before forgetting everything I must talk with him.
I woke up from my dream and found myself inside a tent. I took my phone out, there’s still no reception and it’s already 12:11 am.
I opened the note app.
‘Talk to Chris in person regarding the dreams you shared together. Remember.’
I put a note to myself in case I would slowly forget about him, about the moments we spent together.
Chris
I woke up immediately from my dream. Everything felt so heavy and I’m so confused right now. I scanned the rooftop for Trisha, but she’s not here. I looked at the time and saw it’s already around 12:00 am.
“I guess, it’s time for me to stop waiting for her.” Then I remembered her smile. “Or maybe not.”
I smiled sadly to myself as I sigh and stood up. I cleaned up the papers that were scattered across the table and decided to go back inside and continue to rest.
“I’ll think more about what’s happening in the morning. Let’s hope that everything will be fine in the morning and then I’ll talk to her.” I closed my eyes as I felt the wind against my face. The night is dark, too bad stars aren’t visible here.
Then I went downstairs.
Trisha
I poke my head outside the tent and saw Fernandez sitting on the sand with his back his back against a rock beside the tent. His eyes are close and his arms are folded. It’s cold out here, why didn’t he sleep beside me?
“F-fernandez?” I called out to him.
Weird. I remember I started calling him by his nickname since earlier, I don’t know why but my body made ‘Fernandez’ as a default now and not ‘Art’. Also, I can’t remember how I ended up inside the tent, or how I fell asleep.
Fernandez opened his eyes and turned to look at me, examining me. He’s different, no, not different, he went back to the way he used to. Why? What happened when I was asleep?
“A-are you okay?” I asked him.
“Fine.” He then stood up and turned to look at the sea, his back towards me.
“If you’re done sleeping, let’s go back to the dorm.” He then put on his shoes.
I went outside the tent, put on my shoes too, and stood behind him.
I want to ask him what happened. I thought he started to be comfortable with me, he was even smiling all the time when we were traveling, but maybe I thought wrong and that made me sad. His coldness is making me sad.
I can feel his putting his walls up, again. I’m too afraid to ask him since he’s emitting that ‘don’t bother me’ energy.
“O-okay.”
We then proceeded to dissemble the tent silently. We went up back to the car in silence too. The trip back towards the city? In silence also.
Although we had our silent moments once in a while, this kind of silence is sad and eerie. Is he mad at me? I’m starting to overthink. What did I do wrong? Why is he acting this way towards me? I thought our relationship is improving and that he’s starting to open up to me.
“D-did I do something wrong?” I asked him and he looked at me, shock written across his face, then guilt.
He looked back towards the road.
“No, you did nothing wrong.”
“So, why?” I asked him.
“Why what?”
“Why are you acting this way?”
“I’m always like this.”
I wanted to ask even further but the atmosphere around us is warning me to no longer ask him. He’s making it very clear that he does not want to talk to me even further.
I looked at his face again and now he’s wearing an angry expression. I felt my heart break into pieces. I’ve seen him in an annoyed, aloof and bored expression but never anger.
What did I do?
I’m struggling to hold back my tears so I turned my back towards him as I closed my eyes.
And surprisingly, I fell asleep faster than I expected. I guess today was really filled with various emotions that’s making me tired.
I then dozed off.
Art
I looked at her as she fell asleep again.
I’m so angry at myself right now, angry at everything, angry at the universe for not giving me another chance. At least another chance to make myself a part of her life again.
I’m angry at my foolish decision years ago, angry that I can’t even tell her how I truly feel. I’m angry that even until now the past is still holding us inside as if we’re bounded by chains. I’m angry that I took her for a drive north. I’m angry at myself for being selfish and for acting out of line. I’m angry at life, if there’s even a greater being out there, why did it allow humans to suffer from grief and pain? Why?!
“Chris?”
I heard Trisha mumbled in her sleep.
Chris. She’s better off with him, or with any other guy really, just not me. She’s better off without me in her life. I guess, this is my last attempt of trying to be in her life once again.
“No, from now on, I will no longer be involve in her life, this will be the last of it.” I told myself as I decided to completely be gone from her life.
“Fernandez… talk.. to.. me.. please?”
She’s starting to cry in her sleep. Is she dreaming about me?
“Even inside your dreams I’m hurting you, huh” I whispered to myself.
I sighed as I held back my tears and continued to drive back towards the city.