Trisha
Days passed by so fast, midterm week is already done and Chris told me that he would quit the soccer team to focus more in our classes. I asked him if it was okay with their coach and so far there’s no problem with it. Many new players have been recruited and they’re already good. Also, the coach understood it. There was an offer at the beginning of the semester that the third years can choose to quit.
We went to different places too to unwind, sometimes with other friends but mostly just the two of us. Fernandez never came with us though, he never hanged out with us, even once.
Chis and I stopped seeing each other in our dreams since I gave him a chance in real life. Maybe that’s because there’s no use for us to spend in our dreams or maybe the dream would no longer allow us to meet, I don’t know.
I still feel uneasy, the rules of the game is that we’ll forget each other after being aware of both of our existence, and although I forgot about Chris for a short time I don’t think that’s already it.
I kept on telling myself that even if we forget about our dreams, we’re already making a lot of memories in real life so it doesn’t matter, right?
“You okay?” Chris asked me as he sat down in front of me.
We are now at the library waiting for our next class, ME331.
“Oh, yeah I’m fine.” I responded.
“You’re spacing out earlier.”
“I was?”
“Yeah, you’ve been spacing out lately. Is there something that’s bothering you?” He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. His face filled with worry.
“No, nothing’s bothering me. Maybe I’m just pressured since finals are coming and the professors are now giving our final requirements.” I told him.
“Oh right.” He looked sad then he smiled. “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this semester together, or even through college, together.” He smiled at me as he patted my head.
We looked at the time and it’s already 12 minutes before our time.
“Let’s go?” He offered his hand as he stood up so I put my hand in his.
We arrived at the room and we sat down in front. Fernandez then came inside alone. He looked at Chris and nodded then at me but looked away as if he did not see me.
“How is Fernandez?” I asked Chris as Fernandez sat down at the back.
“He’s same as always, why did you ask?” Chris asked me as curiosity is written across his face.
“Oh nothing, I feel like he’s been avoiding us. He does not hang out around us anymore when we went to chill somewhere.” I asked him.
I’m really worried about him. After we went north, he’s been colder now more than ever. He does not even hang out with us anymore.
“Oh, he’s like that I guess. He had moments like that and I noticed he’s been more serious now with his studies more than ever, maybe that’s why?” Chris said as he shrugged it all off.
“Well, if you say so. You know him more than anything.”
Even though Chris said nothing’s wrong, I still feel uneasy. I should talk to him later.
“Okay, please settle down. Your final requirement for this course would be done in pairs.”
Chris and I looked at each other. It’s like a default that when something is done by pair, he and I would pair up.
“I will be the one who will decided whom you’ll pair up with.”
Disappointed whispers can be heard from the room but of course no one is brave enough to voice it out in front.
“I guess we’re doing this separately huh?” I told Chris.
“Don’t lose hope yet, maybe we’ll be paired up.” He smiled at me.
“Yeah.” I responded but I looked back to Fernandez.
Why am I secretly hoping that we’ll be paired up?
He saw me looking at him but again, he acted as if he did not see me.
The professor is starting to call our names.
“Okay, for Fernandez you’ll be paired up with Petersen.”
I immediately looked at our professor, did I hear it right? Me and Fernandez?
I looked at Chris with a sad expression.
“I guess we’re not doing this together.” He said.
“Hey, we can still do this together at the rooftop with your pair.” I suggested.
“Nah, it’s okay.” He said as he smiled.
The professor is continuing her instructions on our final requirement and I looked back at Fernandez again. This time he’s looking at me, and he looked nervous and again, sad.
Why?
“Okay, you’ll be making 100 word problems for our topic Bernoulli equation and conservation of energy. I want it to be handwritten with diagrams and complete solution and discussion as to how you came up with that formula. Also, if there are assumptions, please state it.”
Great. 100 problems, that’s too much. Although we are given an ample amount of time, I still felt lazy just by thinking about it. Well at least I’ll have the chance to talk with Fernandez.
Since this is our last schedule for this day I went directly to the dorm alone. Chris is with his partner, they’re already planning on how to divide the labor.
I tried to talk to Fernandez after class but he avoided me and left the class.
“Let’s just communicate through chat. There’s no need to be together in making our final requirement.” I heard someone from behind me and it made me jump a little.
I looked back and saw its Fernandez.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we can just contact through social media. I’m thinking that we’ll make 50 problems each and you can send me yours, I’ll write it all.” He said as he walked pass me without looking back.
I ran towards him.
“Isn’t that a little bit unfair to you? We can make the problems together and write it together.” I suggested.
“No, it would not be neat if there are different handwritings on our paper.” He said as he continued to walk.
I ran towards him again and this time I grabbed the hem of his shirt.
He stopped and turned to face me.
“What?” He asked coldly.
“W-why are you so cold to me?” I asked him trying to hold back my tears.
I don’t know why I feel like crying but his tone is triggering my tears.
“D-did I do something wrong?” I asked him.
We are now at an empty space towards the dorm, the sun is starting to set and although it’s beautiful nothing feels beautiful at the moment.
He did not respond instead he turned to walk away from me again.
“Stop! I said stop! Look at me. Why? Did I do something wrong?” I asked him again.
“Why? Does it bother you? Me? Being cold to you?” He asked with a bored expression.
“Y-yes.” I said as I looked directly towards his eyes but this time I’m no longer holding back my tears.
“Why?” He asked.
My eyes went wide. Why? I don’t know why. Why does it bother me if he’s cold towards me? Why does it bother me so much that we’re not talking like we used to before? I know our relationship before is not that close, but right now I feel like he does not even know me.
“I-I don’t know.” I answered him as I looked at my feet.
“Okay.” He then left, this time I did not run after him.
Why does it bother me?
I looked back towards the days where I would look forward on seeing him even though I’m with Chris. I would even search him in the crowd.
Why do I do that?
I could not understand myself. I’m giving Chris a chance but every time we’re together I wish it could have been Fernandez. I would think about how I would feel if it’s Fernandez in front of me and not Chris.
I know I loved Chris in the dream but I just can’t fall for him in real life. I’m really complicating things huh.
I walked slowly as I pondered over what I’m truly feeling, then I chuckled to myself.
“I’m so stupid.” I told myself sad I ran again to catch up with Fernandez.