I tightened my grip to the medal as I stepped forward to watch the river.
It was past midnight, and I just woke up from having that unexplainable, confusing, and strange dream I had. I didn’t have any good feelings about it. It might be something my creative mind created or it might also be a message from the gods. But as much as I wanted to believe that she’s a god, a part of me said it’s ridiculous. I’m still a kid after all, with a strange mind.
I decided to take a walk outside, not minding the possible dangers during night. The gloomy and dark sight of my bedroom was creeping me out somehow, and I wanted some peace of mind as it was giving me constant nightmares and hallucinations. And I knew the beauty of nature will help me remove my worries about my bedroom.
And . . . since I remembered what happened earlier, I brought the medal with me. I’m supposed not to take a liking to this little, shiny, and useless display in the neck but I just did. It somehow made me worthy, I didn’t know why, and I’m hurt when my father stated a fact about it.
I hated everything in Madreign. Everything, really. But there were things or perhaps people also here in Madreign that made me feel special. Sure, people in Atolon made us feel special but the care I received here was nowhere near the admiration they bestowed upon us.
Yet I knew I shan’t get too soft in my enemy’s territory. I also learned I shouldn’t generalize the people of Madreign for the sin their fellows committed and they didn’t even have any clue about it.
I sighed.
Going here led me into too much confusion about what I feel, but there’s one thing I’m utterly sure I feel. That is, I hate myself. I hate myself for hating Madreign and loving some parts of it. I hate myself for doing something rude to my enemy’s people and feel bad about it because they knew nothing. I hate myself for . . . blaming all of them because of my mother’s death.
I don’t know. I don’t know what to think, act, or whatever. This stressed me, and maybe that was the reason why I had strange dreams. Stress.
I breathed deeply as I sat down at the riverbank, clearing all of my thoughts and letting my mind rest just for a moment.
Perhaps the world wasn’t as deceiving as I thought. It was beautiful actually, and humans were just throwing tantrums everywhere—leading it to the most cruel chaos or destruction.
Anger was what drives them. Anger was also my source of inspiration.
They killed my mom. I’m going to take theirs.
Then, the cool breeze touched my skin. I shivered and realized what kind of horrible thought I was thinking.
When my eyes landed on the trees near the river, it was as if the world was shaking and I was about to fall unconscious. I dropped the medal and I was lured into an unexplainable hallucination once again.
There I saw two people at a tree branch. They were bloody as hell. Then, everything went back to normal.
I thought I'd be able to find peace if I went outside. It turned out to be the same. I will never be able to escape these terrors and it will surely continue to haunt me until I lose my mind and shatter my soul.
I went back home quietly as Father was peacefully sleeping in his bedroom. I better not wake him up.
Hoping to end this all, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep without having nightmares or hallucinations.
Hours passed, and I wasn’t able to go back to sleep. My body never had the urge to rest, so I spent the hours staring at the lonely luminous moon.
Although I didn’t sleep again, I found myself never being restless. It was strange yet I was thankful for it.
When the sun started to rise, I did my morning routine without waking Father up. I also cooked my own food and went to the storage room for some potatoes. Then, I went to the river once again after leaving a note for Father.
I just spent my time relaxing at the riverbank. It somehow made me calm after thinking about the strange stuff I was experiencing nowadays. It was almost the epitome of paradise. The water was crystal-clear; the grass was healthy; the sound of nature was pleasant to hear; the sky was slowly shining; and the butterflies were gleefully flying around—who wouldn’t find their peace in such a beautiful view?
After getting some fresh air, I stood up and made my way to go to school. I’ll probably arrive late, but I didn’t bother to hurry.
As I arrived at the front of my house, Yner was standing near the door, knocking and calling my name.
I frowned. “Yner?”
He gazed at me and the moment he saw me, he smiled. “Renata!” He ran toward me whilst chuckling. “We’ll be late. Let’s go!”
“Yeah, we’ll be late,” I said, “you know that but then why are you here?”
“What do you mean?” His forehead furrowed.
“If you want to be punctual, you could have just left me instead. I don’t mind that. I can go to school on my own.”
He sighed. “I don't mind not being punctual, Renata. Remember, friends don’t leave each other.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Friends? I don’t remember us being friends, Yner. We’re just . . .” I stared above, thinking of what to say. “. . . acquaintances, perhaps?”
He nodded. “I see. I want us to be friends then.”
“And why? The ancestors and higher-ups of our nations aren’t on good terms. Basically, we are—“
“Renata, just because they are enemies means we should be enemies, too. It’s a relationship between the two of us, not with them. It’s their problem, not ours.” He sighed. “I don’t get why people need to be involved in every issue their leader has, no matter if it’s a major or a minor issue.”
“Unity, I guess?” I said, “If one got hurt, his pack will definitely do something to avenge him. It’s like . . . family.”
“You have a point though . . . but aren’t we hurting our own fellows or comrades, too? I mean, declaring wars and fighting over something with the other nations when we also do it inside our territory?”
 
To be continued . . .