I woke up early even though I hardly slept last night because of Zandy's thoughts and the strange way he made me feel. I will never forget what he told me to trust him. I don't know where to trust him.
It's our last day at the resort and tomorrow we will return to Manila. Everything will be back to normal. Going back to work and going home with Zandy. I don't know what else can happen because the longer it goes on, the more confused I am with my feelings.
After we had breakfast, I decided to take a bath in the sea even though the sun was high. I will not miss this opportunity to be near the sea. I just wore shorts and a bralette. I felt the warm sunlight on my skin. My face is still messed up because of the intensity of it.
"You don't want to come with me?" I asked Zandy while we were in one of the scattered cottages.
He turned around before his eyes landed on me. "It's too hot, Miles," he answered simply.
I frowned at him. "You're too sensitive, Zandy. We only get close to the sea once, you need to make the most of it," I insisted.
"I'm content being close to you, Miles," Zandy answered seriously. I was stunned. I don't even really know this Zandy, he is always ready to speak whatever comes out of his mouth.
I blinked and smiled cautiously. "Crazy! You're saying so much again." I bent down for a moment and then, I grabbed Zandy's arm. "Let's go, Zandy, take a bath with me. I want you to experience this, bathe in the sea," I insisted. I pulled him and he stood still but obviously didn't want to come.
"Wait," Zandy said. I stopped. I let go of his hand because I felt that while I was holding it, something was flowing through me. "Wait for me here," he said, frowning because of the sunlight. I just nodded.
Zandy turned and walked back to the cottage. A few moments later he came back topless. The sun is already hot but it gets even hotter because of his exposed body. I can't deny that he has a masculine body. He has broad shoulders, chiseled abs. I couldn't help but stare at it and be amazed.
"Stop staring at me like that, Miles, I might melt. Why do you think I'm hot?" he said arrogantly while looking at me.
I blinked and swallowed. I looked up at him. I tried not to look and get distracted by his body.
"Huh? I'm staring at you? Of course not! It's just too hot so I looked down and for your information, you're not hot." I growled at him and turned away. I didn't realize that I smiled and some kind of thrill ran through me.
I heard Zandy's soft laugh. "It's not, huh?" Why is his voice so sweet to my ear while laughing softly? "Is it just because of the heat that your cheeks are red?" he asked again?
I bit my lower lip slightly. "Yeah! You're right. It's so hot...that's why my cheeks are red," I said. I turned back but when I was about to step, I felt his hand holding my arm and I was mildly suspicious.
My mouth fell open in shock and I realized that Zandy was holding my hand while his right hand was almost around my waist. I also felt his hard body. I was frozen and couldn't move. I feel my heart beating fast as if it wants to come out of its place.
Zandy and I met our eyes. It was like he was magnetized because I couldn't avoid it. I swallowed. Some kind of emotion came over me because of that scene. I feel weak and have no strength to get out.
"I like your eyes, your lips, your nose, I like everything about you, Miles," Zandy said while looking at my face as if he was memorizing it. "And I want to be the only one who is hot and handsome in your eyes," he added. "I may sound selfish but I want you to look at me with desire and admiration."
He pulled me even closer to press my body against him. I clung to his shoulder while my eyes stayed on him. "Z-Zandy, I'm not—"
"Shhh!" He put his finger on my lips to stop me from speaking. "I want you to always look at me like that, Miles, and I also want your heart to beat that fast just for me." He smiled and shook his head. "I don't know why, Miles, because even I can't understand myself. Am I going crazy if I tell you that I always want to see you?"
I swallowed. I stared at him for a moment before bowing down for a moment. "How long will you feel that, Zandy? As long as Beverly is gone?" I asked seriously while looking into his eyes again. I still can't get out of my mind the possibility of Beverly coming back and Zandy choosing her because he has a deeper love for Beverly.
I felt his hand loosen on my waist. I felt frustrated and sad. The fact that Beverly still has a place in Zandy's heart is still there and that is what I fear because it is not unlikely that Beverly will return to his life.
"Miles, can you stop mentioning her name every time we talk?" There is a trace of annoyance there.
I tried to separate from him. "I'm just protecting my heart from pain, Zandy," I replied.
"Who said I was going to hurt you? Miles, can you please trust me? I know what I'm doing and what I'm saying. I really mean it," he insisted.
"It's hard to believe, Zandy. Maybe now you're sure, but what if Beverly comes back into your life, maybe you're not sure about me anymore," the sadness and bitterness were there.
Zandy cupped his forehead, obviously holding back his annoyance. "How long will you give me back my past? I'm in my present life, Miles and you are the one I want to be with. I want you," he insisted.
What he said seemed to stop around me.
I stared at him but immediately avoided him. I am confused and afraid of what is happening. I know that I already have feelings for Zandy but I'm not sure how much Zandy will feel for me especially knowing how much he loves Beverly.
"Zandy, I'm s-scar—"
I didn't finish what I was going to say when he suddenly came close to me and our lips were touching each other. I couldn't move. My eyes widened as I felt his lips move as he nuzzled my neck.
My heart was filled with a strange joy. There is a tickle in every kiss that Zandy gives and whether I admit it or not I like what he does. I just realized that my eyes were closed and that I responded to each of his kisses. I was also clinging to his neck.
Come what may! Maybe I should try to gamble and fight my feelings for Zandy too.
—
Hours passed when I didn't know how to talk to Zandy after what happened to us earlier at the sea. I fell in love with him even more and I knew he was the same as me. After we showered, he was inside the villa and he has not come out until now.
I hugged myself as I faced the setting sun. The sky turned orange and darkness began to spread. I still can't get Zandy out of my mind and when I think about tomorrow we'll be going back to Manila, I can't help but feel sad because I want to spend more time with Zandy in this place. We don't need to think and understand anything other than to enjoy and relax.
A cold wind blew. I hugged myself even tighter. I bowed for a moment. I'm here near the sea watching the sunset.
I didn't imagine everything that was happening to me and Zandy and the words he was saying to me. He wants me to trust him that he won't hurt me but I also know that I'm afraid of myself. Especially since he hasn't told me directly that he loves me. But to myself, I know that I already have feelings for him and I'm also afraid to admit it to myself. I don't know what to do but something is whispering to me to let my heart be happy again.
"Looks like you're deep in thought, huh?"
I was slightly surprised when I heard Zandy's voice. I was even shocked by what he did next. He hugged me from behind. I couldn't move and I didn't even think about letting go of his embrace because I knew I wanted that too.
"I never thought we would get to this point that I would let you hug me and kiss me. The speed of everything, Zandy and all this is not in our plan. It started with anger and will it end in love? I don't know, because it is not we're sure," I said while looking at the darkening surroundings.
"Nothing is certain, Miles, if you don't try, right? You're right, everything that happens is not in my plan. I agreed to marry you because I have my intentions, to make my family see that not everything they want is right and will happen for me. All my life, they dictated me to my own happiness. I never thought that I would come to this point that I would like what happened even though at first I didn't want it either," Zandy said which is not new to me. That's what I want to happen too, to make it seem like they were wrong to marry us.
"It's not easy to try, Zandy, especially since you've already been hurt. It's hard to give your trust, your love.". I sighed. "But the truth is, I like everything you do to me. I always want to see you and be with you. I'm happy...I'm happy every time I'm with you because I know...I know I want you, Zandy. I like you," I admitted with a strange feeling that enveloped my heart.
I don't care what can happen. Those words came out of my mouth naturally. Nervousness enveloped me.
Zandy was silent for a moment. He let go of hugging me from behind. He gently presented me to him. The sun finally set and the surrounding was engulfed in darkness, only the surrounding light was the light there.
"Then, what's the problem? You also said that you like me and I feel the same, Miles. I can't deny to myself that I have feelings for you because what you feel, that's what I feel I want it to be more, Miles." I couldn't take my eyes off him because his eyes seemed to be talking
I blinked to get away from the distraction of his gaze. "What's the problem? The problem is our past, Zandy. I can't give my all to you and I know you're the same because of your past. I have a hard time trusting, and giving my heart because of what can happen. I'm not your past and when your past comes back, you'll still choose me?" I said sadly, the pain in my heart appeared because of what I was thinking.
Zandy took a breath. "How many times do I need to tell you, Miles, that I chose you? I always choose you because you are my present. Yes, you're not my past but you're my present and I want you to be my future, " he said seriously, full of emotion.
I was stunned. It was great to hear those words that gnawed at my heart that brought there the joy and thrill that I always wanted to feel.
I bowed slightly. I put my palms together. "I don't know, Zandy. I want to fight my feelings for you but I don't know how because until now, I'm still afraid to give you my heart. I need more time to think about it and right now, I want us to be like this. Happy with each other."
Zandy sighed. "Ok, if that's what you want, I respect your decision, Miles, but I won't stop until you give me your heart," he said seriously and full of dedication.
"Thank you, Zandy for making me happy again," I said with a hint of joy and gratitude.
"No, I'm the one who needs to thank you, because you made me happy, Miles," he returned.
I was slightly surprised when he pulled me close to him and hugged me. I didn't move and let myself feel the joy of that hug that I always wanted to feel.
"I want us to always be like this, Zandy, until we are sure of each other and I can give myself completely," I said softly. I hugged him back.
Her fragrant smell from the perfume he used did not escape me. It was not strong and painful to the nose but it had a manly smell that I always wanted to smell.
My heart filled with joy at the same time as a strange tickle there. If only I could always feel you. I want to spend more time with Zandy and always feel that he is close to me.
"I'm just waiting for you, Miles, to be ready to love me. I also don't want to be unfair to you, so when we return to Manila, I will face my past so that I can fully give myself to you," he promised and there was a trace of him wanting to show me that his past is no longer with him. "I know that's the only thing that will calm you down," he added.
I couldn't help but smile. I hugged him even tighter. I was even more impressed with Zandy's personality, which was very different from the first Zandy I met before.
Later, Zandy let go of me and closed my face in his palms while looking seriously into my eyes. "Thank you for being my wife, Miles, for your support and care. I want more for us, Miles. I want everything to be true for us." He smiled which brought out his handsomeness even more.
Our eyes looked at each other as if talking. I just felt Zandy's face getting closer to mine, followed by his lips. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. I just realized that I was retaliating wholeheartedly at the same time as a strange joy and thrill filled my heart. I don't want this scene to end.