"You know it has never been your fault, Macky."
We walked and walked without even knowing where we're going. It still feels right. The cold wind of the night sends shivers throughout my body.
"Still, it feels so wrong to be at home with the real family of my dad." I murmured.
He suddenly took steps towards me and hugged me. I stopped walking.
"Macchi, stop that." I said as he moved even closer.
"I just want you to feel that I am always here for you, okay?"
He removed his suit and landed it on my shoulders. He started walking again and now, I knew where we're going. He really knows me very well.
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of everything. Many things happened but I don't want to recall any of them.
"We just came here two weeks ago, haha. Mommy—Ms. Gavin took me here." I said and heaved a deep sigh.
Daddy, what am I supposed to do? I know that… she did everything to make me realize that she loves and cares about me but daddy, I'm still ashamed. Please help me.
I felt my eyes being warm as if it's going to drop tons of drops. I held it back and sniffed. It's already 11pm and here we are, sitting in front of my father's grave.
"Hmm… you won't talk?" Markian asked.
I just looked at him and pursed my lips together. His presence is enough to make me calm and be myself again.
"I-I never thought this gown would end up with this mud." I said and awkwardly laughed.
That's not what I want to say… I want to say many things. I want him to know that I'm already tired, that I need his comfort. That I'm here, dying.
"And I never thought I'd be telling you everything. I know it had been so hard for you... "
"What do you mean?" I queried.
"I don't know if it's the right time, though." he said and moved towards me.
"Look at the stars, Macky." he mandated. The night sky was so dark. That's what I saw first.
"Hmm-kay. What about them?"
"The sky is so dark that we can barely see at land. But may I ask you something?" he said and as I looked at him, he stared at the other side.
"Don't stare at me. Just look at the sky." he said. I could see him moving his eyes from side to side. Why does he seem to be nervous?
"Why do you think the sky has to be dark?" he queried and pointed to the sky.
"I don't know... " I answered without thinking.
"Look. Do you think that those million or billion stars can manage to shine when it's day?" he queried. I stared at him while he was busy looking at the sky. I shook my head.
"Well let's say that you're a star. A gorgeous and big one." I glared at him.
Do I look so big? M-my waistline was just 23! What is he saying?! And my height is kinda...can I skip this one, author?
"Is that an insult?" I asked and stood up and pretended to leave but he stood up too and pulled my hand which caused me to lay down on his lap.
"Just think that the situation you are facing now is the dark sky and you are one of those stars…" he laid his fingers on my hair and played with it. He caressed my cheeks, still looking at the sky.
"...because the stars shine in the darkest sky." we said together.
That's what my father always tells us when we're failing at school...or being hurt by the words of our playmates. Those days were golden when we didn't have to think about these problems and we only thought of what to play or how to escape at our house just to play with each other and wait until midnight so I could hear the poems that my father prepared for me.
"Uncle Michale is a great poet, isn't he?" he addressed.
"Indeed, he is. I-I just wondered, did he write poems for Mrs. Gavin, before? That would be so cool." I said.
"...and how about Ms. Santos, did he do that too?"
His mouth went agape. "Well, we can't tell. Maybe… maybe that was just an accident."
"Accident? The last time I knew, I was just a mere mistake and now I'm already an 'accidentally made mistake'?" I said and laughed sarcastically.
"That's not what I meant… I'm sorry." he said and caressed my hair.
"Markian... " I closed my eyes and felt his warm hands still playing with my hair, it made me feel the comfort I wanted.
"It's okay, Macky…tell me."
"I-I can't. I…" I can't find the right words to say, I hope he still understand me.
"I can't tell you it's okay, Macky. I know how much grief you are feeling now and many things happened this day but I think we need to say 'goodbye' for uncle already. It's getting dark." he said but I just furrowed my eyebrows.
He assisted me to stand up as I was sitting on his lap. "I don't want to go home, Markian... " I stated and shook my head.
"I know, baby. I understand."
MARKIAN'S POINT OF VIEW
"What did I to deserve this, Markian?" she asked while holding her glass of milk.
We're currently at my condo as she said she don't want to see any of those who were at party yesterday. She really don't deserve any of these. She's way to good to be mistreated.
"It's not your fault, Macky. Stop blaming yourself."
"How couldn't I, Macchi? I always find the love of a mother to Mrs. Gavin and little did I know, she was not my mother. I always pity myself because I thought I did something wrong to her Macchi when all I did was to obey all of her rules." she shook her head and laughed hard.
Macky, I don't know what to say. It has been much harder for me. My mother did that to you, Macky.
"You know what, it hurts here..." she said and pointed her heart. "...it hurts so bad that I don't know what do. It tears my soul, slowly. It shattered me into pieces that I can't stand up and fix myself."
"But you also know that I am here and I will help you to fix yourself little by little even if we would have to reach a thousand years… or even a million."
I knitted my eyebrows as she banged her head a little on the table. I was about to stop her when she sobbed. I immediately went to her and hugged her. "What happened, Macky? Did I said something wrong?"
"Nah. There's nothing wrong with what you've said, Macchi. It's just that… I'm so thankful to have you. I don't know if I could stand this long without you. All these years, you saved me from tears."
"But it's not me who saved you, Macky. It's you and your strong soul. You've stand your life sooo long that I've admired every years of your life. I was the one who's lucky here, Mackenzie. I'd never been so lucky without you. I'm lucky to witness and be at your side on every triumph... " I caressed her hair and held her cheeks.
"...and downfall you experienced. My life had never been this happy without you, being born in this world. You have been my other half all of these years, Macky. I love you." I almost cried but here she is, laughing at me.
"Oh, Markian. Only if you could see your face, right now. Haha." she said and laughed that she even held her tummy.
"What's funny? I just confessed and now you're laughing at me?" I queried with knitted eyebrows.
"Because I know you're kidding me." she said and laughed again.
"And what if I did this?" I said. I caressed her cheeks and moved closer to her that I can feel her breathing.
She looked away to avoid my gaze but I just held her cheeks until our lips met.