An embrace from my best friend made me feel calm. I wiped my tears that were caused by the heartfelt speeches from Shannie. Partly, it was from the pain that I gained. The doctors immediately went to me after that. They said that unfortunately, the cancer cells spread faster now.
I don't know what happened but the doctor announced that I was unlucky, I am now on stage three. One more stage and my life will be completely in despair. As for the pain, I can't stand properly anymore. I need guidance.
They said that undergoing chemotherapy will help and yes, I believe that but I know, my illness won't be completely gone.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
I held Yulla's hand when the moment she came here, she witnessed how the doctors fixed me. I can see in her eyes the pain and the regrets.
"I'm o-okay..." I managed to say even though my voice is now weak.``
"I should've chosen to stay here just like Shannie did. I hate it, that I am slowly losing my touch with you. Helly, please I don't want to lose you yet but if you can't fight anymore, then I'll understand. Even though it hurts losing a friend that is more than a sister to you. You will stay here." she then held my hand and let it feel her heartbeat.
I can't believe that we're in this stage now. I thought before that maybe, they only stayed with me because I am fun to be with. My bucket of tears flowed from my eyes like waterfalls.
She continued sobbing like a little kid while leaving words.
My eyes darted to Dawn who's just sitting on the couch while bowing his head. Seems like his mind is preoccupied.
Daddy was also there. Standing beside Dawn while watching me and Yulla. Shannie was just beside me. All of them, they're here for me. Aunt Hussey was also here lately but she needed to leave when grandma called her.
"Thank you for coming here. I'm tired but I want to stay. You know, Dad's life really matters to me. If I leave him, what will happen to him in the future?" The tears continued flowing.
I then looked at Daddy and I saw him stopping his eyes from escaping any tears. I swallowed hard and looked away.
"He said I'm the reason why he chose to live rather than killing himself. My Mom's death was his biggest downfall but I am the reason why his world lit up" I heard Daddy sighed heavily. "I don't want to leave him yet. I don't want him to lose another woman in his life. Dad, I know that I'm maybe stubborn sometimes but, I want to tell you that I love you."
"Thank you for loving me more than I deserve. Thank you for loving Mommy until now. I didn't truly believe all of the accusations about you before. I know, you were true to your words. You vowed that you will never replace her no matter what. Dad, I doubted you but I didn't believe in them. I know you more than they know you. You have been my best companion since then since mommy left us. Thank you for choosing to live for me. I love you more than ever."
I smiled genuinely while in tears. Dad slowly stepped in our direction. Shannie and Yulla distanced themselves from Dad.
I immediately buried my face on my Dad's shoulder when he began to hug me tightly. My soul slowly broke down when I felt a liquid on my left shoulder. That was his tears.
"I don't want you to mumble any pain, Helly. I want to have a good life with you. That is what I have wished for since day one. I want to grant whatever your wishes so now, if you wish to be in peace, then I will let you rest. It's not that I don't want you anymore, I just don't want to see you tired. I'm so proud of you, you made it 'til here." he sobbed while embracing me.
"You're strong just like your Mom. I already spent half of my life with you, that's more than enough. I am so happy when you met someone who loves you passionately. Thank you for choosing the right man for yourself." he added and he then left my shoulder. He put some strands of my hair to my ears.
"You did great, I'm proud of you." he smiled and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes to feel the fatherly kiss that my forehead met.
I marked his last sentence. My Daddy is now proud of me and I am so happy with it. The memories of us together with Mom appeared in my mind like a scene on television.
Our laughter was so genuine. Especially the smile of my Mom who's like sunshine in the morning. It always lit up our mood. The way she took care of me and to Daddy. She's the best wife I know.
After the teary scene between us, Shannie complained that we should've just been happy with each other. I agreed with her though. The doctor's announcement sucked but I should neglect the negativities just for a moment.
It's a little bit awkward that after crying, we took a smiley picture. (the three of us.) Shannie was on my right side and Yulla was on the right side. I am between them.
I spotted Dawn fixing our meal. Everyone decided to spend days here with me. It is currently the semestral break of Shannie and Yulla. I indeed stopped my studies. Daddy understands it though.
"One... two... three... smile!" Shannie counted for the camera. I suppressed my lips for a large smile. Despite my situation, I managed to smile for them not to worry about me that much.
"Goodness, I looked ridiculous!" Yulla claimed while cringing."Hey! delete it!"
"No!" Shannie burst out laughing. "No! Don't worry, I won't post this on your birthday." I know that was a fake promise.
Shannie's been used to post our most ridiculous photos on our birthdays.
When Daddy went back after checking his patients, we decided to have our dinner. The loudness of us filled the whole room. After that, Dawn immediately went to me and guided me to the bed. He was so gentle to me as if I'm the most vulnerable person he knows.
"Are you sleepy?" he asked when I left the comfort room.
"Uh, how about you? You must be tired."
"Only you matter to me. So if you want to sleep now, then I'll sleep with you."
I sighed. I actually have one thing to do. I don't know if he would allow me.
"Dawn, I want to go to the rooftop. I want to see the city lights, it's a nice view. You know, uh I want you to come with me."
He stopped and nodded.
I sighed in happiness and felt relieved when I saw how beautiful the view was. The moon shines so bright and gives the world the light that it needs.
We stayed quiet the whole time, feeling the atmosphere and the good ambiance of the night. I immediately sat as well as him.
I immediately leaned my head onto his shoulders and he then wrapped his arms around me. Catching the coldness surrounds us.
The silence was a deafening reason why we are able to hear our heartbeats.
"What if I will stay a little bit longer?" my mouth voiced out from out of nowhere.
I am also thinking about that. And maybe, if that will happen, he will be relieved. I felt Dawn turned his head down to me. "You will stay a little bit longer," he said, stopping me from overthinking.
"You think? Hmm, hope so. I want to fight as much as I can." I said weakly.
He intertwined our fingers and hugged me tighter. Now, the coldness has lessened a bit. All I can feel is the warmth that he gave.
"We're proud of you, Helly. I'm proud to say I am loving the strongest woman I've known."
I smiled helplessly. That touched my heart and made my heart flutter. Despite my imperfections, I am lucky enough to have him.
"What if I don't have leukemia?" I asked.
He sighed. "Then we're probably free right now. Busy doing our daily routines. Me, picking you up and driving you to Suneast. Cuddling you every weekend and kissing you every day. I would plan on marrying you sooner."
"We're bound to marry, Dawn—"
"I know, Helly."
My eyes widened. What the heck. "You knew?" I almost lost my breath when he nodded.
"Long story, Helly. I'll tell you later or tomorrow?" He chuckled and kissed my half-open mouth in shock. I didn't kiss back in fear that we might fall on the rooftop.
I just closed my eyes for a minute and felt the warmth that I am feeling right now. The warmness that I am feeling with him.
"What if I will marry you? What if we will be great parents soon?"
I know that won't happen. Now that I know my situation got more complicated each day that passed.
I just want him to be with me 'til my last breath. I can't stay with him forever but I won't forbid him to love someone else after me. He deserves the love that can stay for a lifetime. A girl that won't leave him so he won't feel alone. I don't want him to feel the same thing that Dad felt when Mommy left.
"What if I won't stop loving you? No, I won't stop loving you even though you're no longer on my side. This is really hard for me Helly. I didn't expect that my love story would be this tragic. But, I am not regretting any of it. I met you and that was the happiest thing that happened to me. I love you and I would keep that in my mind and here in my heart. So in the future, I would proudly say, I once loved an Addingston. She may be a stubborn, but I know I can tame her. By giving my wild love."
I nodded. He was all right. I am stubborn and I hate that part of me. So how come he became proud of it? Marrying him, that would be heaven feels. Sadly, I can't have that.
"What if we are meant to be? I badly want you Dawn but I can't do it anymore. I want to stop and rest forever but I don't want you to lose me." This time, he's the one who hugged me from behind.
"Why do I have to suffer for all of this? Heck, I hate leukemia! I want to erase this part of my body and keep myself healthy! Am I that bad? That I have to suffer from this?"
He wrapped his two arms around me. " You don't deserve any of it, Helly. I don't want you to suffer from this too. But I just want you to know, I love you 'till the last dawn."
I nodded. He hugged me and kissed me from behind.