The GILBERT
When Xavia told me she did not hold any grudges against me I was ashamed of myself. I had not expected that from her despite everything I did to her. What I expected was a fierce, angry, and revengeful Xavia. The one who will treat me as badly as I have treated her or even more. But the one who stood before me was the kind-hearted Xavia who stared at me with pity. I stared at her right from the cell in which I was locked and my heart bleed.
How did I come to be like this? How was I cruel enough to treat someone like Xavia very badly? She was a good person. She has always been.
I looked away quickly. I could not keep looking at her. I had not thought there would be a time when I would feel humiliated. A time that I would feel ashamed and remorseful for everything I have done.
"I-I am sorry" I muttered. "I should not have lusted after you. I felt guilty that I treated you so badly, yet you did so well. I thought getting you back was the only way I would stop feeling guilty but I knew I would not be able to get you back. I could not accept defeat so I began to find a way to win your heart and I ended up becoming obsessed with you. I am sorry"
She sighed. "You don't have to feel sorry for me, Gilbert. Do you not know that there are people who need this more than I do? Some people deserve to hear you tell them how sorry you are. I hope you can feel sorry for all these people. For all the people you have hurt, Gilbert I hope that for the little time that you will be here, you will think about what you have done and how many people you have treated badly and hurt. I hope you can ask for their forgiveness. And also those you have disappointed. A lot of people looked up to you but you disappointed them. I hope you can feel remorseful and ask sincerely for their forgiveness, not mine"
"I hurt you too, Xavia. I hurt you the most" I said and she sighed.
"You might have hurt me the most but that is not up to what you have done to your Pack members. You humiliated them, Gilbert. Do you know what they will be facing right now? Do you? What about your mother? She loved you. She trusted you. Do you know how bad she is feeling right now? Do you?". I stared at her but said nothing. I know that I do not deserve to say a word because I have disappointed my mother. "Please think about it and ask sincerely for their forgiveness. But I know you Gilbert, you have never felt remorseful for any harm you cause others. I hope you can feel remorseful this time and ask for forgiveness. And I hope they will find it in their heart to forgive you. I really, hope they would"
I sighed. Why does she care about getting forgiveness from those I have hurt?
She sighed. "You deserve to be punished, you do, but I can't bring myself to see that"
I stared at her. Despite everything I have done to her, why does she care about me?
"I will try to speak to Axel to let you go"
I blinked. "Yo-you are not going to punish me?"
She scoffed. "Why would I do that? Would I not be reciprocating your evil deed if I punish you? If I punish you how will you feel remorseful of everything that had happened? How would you know that there are good people out here who don't pay evil with evil but can repay evil with good? How will you understand that life is not all about being cold-hearted or selfish? That you need to be kind to people? How?"
I groaned slightly. Has she forgotten so quickly everything I did to her? Has she forgotten how I sold her off to the Lycan Pack King because I did not want anyone to know that she was my mate, and how I made her a slave for my selfish reasons when she returned two years later?
How about the pain she felt when I threw her across the cold cell? And how I pierced my fingers into her soft skin. I also covered her up with Ice, after making her pull off the coat, gloves, and boots she wore and left her until Arden saved her. Did she forget that I almost punished her for the second time for falling in love with me? How unremorseful I was when she found out she was my mate and I knew about it, yet I treated her badly? What about the pain she felt when I rejected her and did not bother to look for her when she left?
My heart tightened. This was my first time thinking about the evil I had done and feeling remorseful about it.
How about the rumors I sent people to spread about her?
"How can you think of not punishing me? How can you think of asking the Lycan King not to punish me? Have you forgotten all I did to you? How about the rumors?" I asked.
I was the one who made them spread those rumors about her. I did that to make the Lycan Pack members dislike her. I hope that they will insist that their Alpha should let her go and I will be her only option when she has no place to go. That is the reason I never told her I wanted her back as my mate. I wanted her to trust me and of course she did.
"Have you forgotten about the rumors?" I asked again when she said nothing. "I am the one who asked them to spread the rumor that you were a captive who ran away from her master and was kept hidden by the Lycan King. I was the one who asked them to say that you belonged to me but was kept captive by the Lycan King and then later saved by me but you returned to him" I stared at her but she said nothing. "Did you not hear that you were said to have run away to the Lycan Pack because you thought you were in love with the Lycan King but you were only experiencing Stockholm syndrome? I told them to say that you were sold to me by the Lycan King who stole you from me and refused to return you to me. I sent out so many rumors because I knew that it might be difficult for them to believe but if there were more, in the end, one of them would work. Why would you not punish me after everything I did to you? Why?"
She only stared at me, saying nothing. I needed to make her change her mind and let me get punished. Even my mother agreed that I should get the punishment I deserved. Arden agrees too and so are my Pack members. Everyone thinks that I do not only deserve punishment I deserve to be abandoned. Why is she preventing that?
I can't still remember my mother's visit and how she had yelled at me. How she blamed me for what had come upon me.
Why would Xavia not punish me when my mother wants it?
Maybe she doesn't remember that there are more things I have done to her.
"What about the contract?" I continued. "Have you forgotten that I tried to use the contract to get you back? I..."
"No amount of words you say, no matter how much you try to make me remember all the things you did to me and how much hurt you have caused me. I will not let you get punished"
I groaned. "Why?!" I yelled. "Why would you not let me get punished? Why?!"
She moved closer to me.
"What are you doing?" Jason asked but she ignored him.
"Do you want to know why?". I stared at her. "Because I want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life. I want you to be miserable! Do you think you deserve to get your conscience cleared just by getting punished?". She scoffed. "No! I will not let you have a clear conscience. I want you to remember this day and weep in agony," she said and I sighed. "You do not deserve to be happy!"
I could tell that she didn't mean everything she said. As I watched her leave, I groaned.
Why?! Why?!!
**
I could not stop thinking about what Xavia told me. I became sorry for everything I had done and am now willing and ready to change. I knew it was time to change. It was time for me to change from the cold-hearted Gilbert everyone knows. The one who doesn't care about others and hurts people without mercy. I was also ready to receive the punishment that would be given to me by my Pack members.
If they want me to step down as their Alpha, I am willing to do that. I am willing to go on my knees and ask for forgiveness from everyone I have hurt. I will go far away to think about what I have done and will not return until I am a completely changed person.
Two guards showed up and told me that the Lycan King was willing to set me free according to Xavia's request. I wished I could see her once more and ask for her forgiveness, but she never showed up after she left the other day.
The guards opened the door for me. "You can leave now," one of them said.
"Your Beta is outside waiting for you," the other said and I blinked.
Arden is here to see me?