Just like yesterday, my second day in Singapore is emotional thinking about my mom’s chemotherapy. I hold on to Maddox’s reminder to think positive and trust the doctors who will handle mom. Maddox was right though, as a daughter I should be the one thinking about all the positive outcomes that might happen.
Along with Candace and Lucy, we head to Mount Elizabeth Hospital for mom’s chemotherapy. The hospital is one of the best in Singapore. High-end medical equipment, fine interior, and most of all a team of qualified and experienced specialists. My worries escalate arriving at the hospital but I remind myself of what Maddox told me so I’m a little bit calm.
The doctors give us final instructions and how to take care of my mom while the dietician recommended a specific diet for mom while recovering. Having Candace and Lucy, I know we can manage things right.
It’s my first time accompanying a cancer patient for chemotherapy. I know there are bad side effects according to my research but my only wish is that God will spare mom. I don’t want to see her in pain or change her physical appearance. Am I selfish or too to ask this? That’s what I ask myself. I don’t know if I could bear seeing mom in excruciating pain.
The first chemotherapy session was not as long as I expected. Again the doctor reminded us of what we should and should not do in taking care of mom before we leave the hospital.
“Mom do you need anything?” I asked mom when we arrived home.
“No, I’m a little tired, Angel. Let me just rest,” Mom said as she slowly combs my hair. Mom is sweetest even in her uncomfortable situation.
“Okay then, if you need anything call me, Lucy or Candace. I’ll be right here with you until you fall asleep.”
Mom nodded and then she closed her eyes. I turn the lights on, sit on the couch, and observe mom. She tossed left and right for over half an hour before she finally fell asleep. I leave the room when I make sure she's sleeping.
I go to my bedroom to have a short rest but my phone gets my attention. I have a lot of messages and missed calls from my friends. The support from them is so overwhelming so I make sure to reply to each of them.
Upon checking my messenger, Cassandra’s message caught my eye. Why would a bitch like her send me a message? At first, I thought it was just a message but no. Another photo of her and Maddox in a park. I can never be wrong, it’s the man-made forest in Harper International School.
It hit differently, it is our favorite place. Why would Maddox bring Cassy to our special place? He knows it is special for me. Just like before I ignored Cassy's message. She doesn't deserve an amount of my time.
As I check on more messages, Cassy’s minions are in my inbox as well. Their messages made my blood reach the boiling point. It’s easy for me to ignore their messages if they focus on me, not mom. They are almost wishing that mom will die and not only I will lose my mom but Maddox as well.
I type a reply message but I stop myself from tapping the reply button. There’s no other way of dealing with my angst against Cassy and her minions but to suppress them in my thoughts. I don’t want mom noticing that I’m bothered.
I remember the exams I need to take online. There are plenty of academic activities that I need to finish and I don’t want to be left behind in terms of the class ranking. It will be better to do something productive instead of arguing with some idiots in the Philippines.
I wash my face to help me fully awake before I start on my online exams. It helps me cool down and not think about Cassy and Maddox’s photos.
Right before finishing my exams my phone rings. I pick up my phone, marking Angelo on the screen.
“Hello, good evening!”
“Angel, how’s your day going? How was your mom’s chemo?”
“The chemo was done but I think mom is experiencing some of the side effects. Mom told me she was tired and wanted to rest so I let her. Based on my research it’s one of the side effects and there’s plenty of them that’s why mom is under observation. Lastly, I'm worried that she will not tell us how she feels to avoid me worrying about her condition. Mom always does that, she thinks of me first before her own good.”
“Oh, that’s painful to hear Angel. I’m sorry I can’t fly to Singapore now if only…”
“No, don’t worry too much, we can handle things here,” I said, cutting him off.
“I know Angel, I only wanted to be on your mother’s side on her way to recovery. I’m sure she needs more support from us but I can't.”
“I understand. It’s hard for me watching mom going through this. I know you’ll make her feel better when you’re with her.”
“Angel, why do you think so?” Angelo asked happily.
“Well, I noticed when mom talked to you, it would always lighten her mood. I remember the night we arrived here, she didn’t have the appetite to eat dinner after talking to you, she forced herself to eat. I believed it was all because of you, I was thankful you talked to mom.”
“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that Angel.”
“I’m sorry, you can’t talk to mom right now. She just fell asleep after the chemotherapy, she’ll probably wake up at midnight. You can talk to mom possibly tomorrow.”
“That’s not a problem Angel. How was your online class by the way? Can you still manage it?”
“Of course, I find time to submit everything on time. I’m doing it now, finishing my exams. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Let me know if you encounter problems, I can help you.”
“No, these are my responsibilities as a student, I can surely manage. You don’t have to waste your time with my small problems.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t hesitate to talk to me if you need help. Angel, I am your father.”
Those words hit me differently. This is the first time I felt Angelo’s words were true. Does he really mean it?
“Angel? Still there?”
I jolt to the mention of my name taking me out of my reverie.
“Yeah. As I’ve said, it's just a small problem I can manage. If anything comes up, I’ll let you know. Thank you. I’ll have to finish my exams now.”
“Sure. Thanks for your time. Send my regards to your mom.”
“I will. Take care.”
I press my phone in my chest, realizing how unreal my conversation with Angelo was. It was like a real father-daughter conversion. We are real father-daughter but for a long time, I didn’t feel that way. So today was different.