It’s 9 in the morning and I’m here in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. The dark circles in my eyes are getting bigger. I wash my face with water hoping it will help me awake as I only slept for at least 3 hours.
It was hard to watch mom in pain last night. I was helpless thinking and knowing there was nothing I could do to ease her pain. Angelo and I were with mom until she was able to sleep.
Mom is still sleeping when I walk out of the bathroom so I head to the kitchen to drink some water and check on Candace, Lucy and Angelo.
“Good morning, guys. Were you able to sleep?” Candace and Lucy turn back as I grab a glass to pour some water.
“Good morning, Angel.” They greet me in unison. "I slept for like two hours. How about you Candace?"
"Same, I feel a little lethargic, but I'm fine, Angel."
“Sorry guys, mom was in bad shape last night. I barely slept for 3 hours."
"Angel, don't be sorry. This is what we're here for." Lucy taps my shoulder to comfort me.
"Have you guys seen Angelo here or he might still be asleep by now.”
“No. Angelo told us last night that he has work he needs to finish. When I walked out of your mom's room, I saw him carrying coffee.”
“God, Angelo might be up all night.”
“Probably because he is a businessman. There are things he can't reschedule for the next day."
I let Candace and Lucy have their breakfast. I don't bother knocking on Angelo's door, I decide to check on the academic tasks I need to complete for today instead. Hoping to find the right studying atmosphere on the balcony, I grab my laptop and sit facing the city's panoramic view.
I keep on yawning while staring at my laptop, trying to finish my online quizzes. I can’t focus on my lessons. Mom is at the forefront of my mind. She is weak. I can feel her almost giving up in her fight and it pains me. I want mom to rest from her pain but the thought of her leaving is something I can’t bear at the moment.
I close my laptop and walk back across the living room, pacing back and forth.
“Angel, did you have a good sleep?” Angelo asks as he walks close to me.
“I’m good, slept a few hours. How about you? Ms. Lucy told me you had a cup of coffee earlier. Were you awake the whole night?”
“I have to. You know in business there are things I need to finish right away. I’m done, we can take your mom to the hospital for her check-up later.”
“Yeah, but you should rest a bit. Mom is still sleeping anyway. What time did you schedule the check-up?”
“Around 11 in the morning.”
“Can we move that in the afternoon? Mom is weak, she needs time to rest and gain her strength. Besides, you badly need some rest as well.”
“I’ll have it move in the afternoon. You can have your breakfast with Lucy and Candace, I’ll head to my room first.”
"I'm not hungry, I still have to do my online class." I lied.
On the balcony, viewing the beautiful city, I come to think about my relationship with Maddox. Was it right to be with him in the first place? We are different; he is a legitimate child, I wasn't. He was born rich, I wasn't. Was it worth it? Of course, it was.
I stare at my phone contemplating if I should pursue my plan and call Maddox. I know it is hard for him to be away from me for quite a long time as it is to me but it’s even harder to think that there is no future for us.
We are from two different worlds, just like mom and Angelo. It breaks my heart every time I think about leaving Maddox for the same reason mom did to Angelo. Do we have any other choice? I think no.
Eventually, Maddox has to leave me because he has responsibilities for their family’s companies. Something he can’t just abandon when the right time comes. I fear that day will come when I don’t have the strength to leave Maddox. The sooner the better. I thought to myself.
What appears on my phone is something that helps me confirm my decision. Cassy’s messages are some stupid shit like she always loves to send me. She never gets tired of begging me to leave Maddox.
Well, today seems like her lucky day. I’m tired of everything and I want it to end and focus on my mom. F*ck the school quizzes and projects that I need to finish. F*ck Cassy and her minions. And I’m sorry that Maddox has to leave as well. I need time alone.
I dial Maddox’s number and it rings. While ringing my heart is intensely hammering in my chest like never before.
“Hello, baby…” Maddox greets happily. He’s making it hard for me to pursue my plan. “Why are you not answering all my calls and texts?” Maddox sounds concerned.
“Maddox I’m sorry that I have to drag you into my mess. I’m really sorry…” My voice breaks saying the last word. My tears cascade on my cheeks but I refuse to make a sobbing sound.
“Baby, what are you talking about?” Maddox asks cluelessly.
"First, I want to thank you for loving me for who I am. I never thought someone like you would accept me wholeheartedly. All my life, it was just mom and my best friend Lea who showed unconditional love to me. When I met you, you didn't hesitate to accept me." I pause in between wiping my tears.
"Second, thank you for staying by my side even in the hardest time. I know it wasn't easy being with me but you chose to. God, Maddox I badly need you in my life but I can't. I know we can't."
"Angel, what are you talking about? Baby, what's wrong? Do you need me in Singapore?"
"You and I both know the truth. We can't be together, Maddox. We can't. We're too different, just like mom and Angelo. Maddox, you deserve someone better. I don't deserve you. You are too good for me. Let's end this, let's break up."
"Angel, is this a prank? Baby, are you kidding me right now?" Maddox says in disbelief.
"Maddox please, there are girls out there who deserve you. Don't put up with my messy life. This is not what you deserve. Thank you so much for everything. Please take care of yourself."
I cut off the call and then turn off my phone. I can't bear hearing Maddox's broken voice like he was about to cry. No, he doesn't deserve all of this. I can't let him deal with my troubles.
I wrap my arms around myself to find comfort, my tears cascading on my cheeks. I close my eyes, convincing myself that I did the right thing.
Am I being unfair? I question myself. Maybe, yes. What can I do? I’m a 17 years old teenager who wants to live a good, normal life like other kids. But it seems life has been unfair to me ever since I was a child. Everything is too much for me to handle. Now, I only want to be with mom ‘till her last breath.
I turn my phone on again and log out all my social media accounts and uninstall them, blocking my friends' phone numbers except Lea. In the meantime, I don’t want to communicate with any of them. I only want to be with mom and Angelo.
All the beautiful memories with Maddox come rushing into my mind, making me feel even more guilty for breaking up with him. He is the only student who treated me nicely in school before Luke and Samantha. He accepted me for who I am without hesitation and this is what I give back to him.
“Angel, what’s wrong?”
I look back and find Angelo standing a few inches away from me. The concerned look on his face is visible. I love how he doesn't hide it. I know I matter to him as his daughter.
I wipe the tear that is blurring my vision. “You won’t understand. I need time alone.”
I hear him sigh. “Is it, Maddox?”
I refuse to answer and hold my tears from falling again until I feel a hand stroking on my back. "I'm here."
"Please, don't tell mom."
"I won't." Angelo keeps stroking my back, making me want to cry and release all the pain even more. "It hurts me seeing you in this condition. But I want you to know that you can lean on me and cry. Angel, it's okay to cry, sweetheart."
Angelo wraps his arms around me and rests my head on his chest as he keeps stroking my back. All my life I longed to have a father who would protect and care for me. It appears like I finally got my wish.