He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car’s door while having a glance at the church’s building. He can’t take a glance away from that sight. The sight that made his longing stop for just a while. He looked around and saw Xavier looking at him from above.
In a minute, Xavier went to him and talked. “It’s been a long-time former brother Silas. What can I do for you?” he asked. Silas sighed, his heart is still pounding and he can’t control it. He answered, “I’m here for your sister. I want to make things clear for her. This will be the last time I’ll set a foot in this territory”.
Xavier made Silas follow him while Clarina entered the building to hand over some presents and to have a small chat with the staff. The two went to the garden; Silas’ steps were slowed when he saw the fine young lady he once loved.
She’s facing backwards, her hair is tied in a braid and she’s wearing the ministry’s uniform shirt that made him confused. Xavier called her attention, “Stella, someone wishes to talk to you” he said and immediately left the two to talk. Xavier went inside the church and peeked through the grills.
Carl, who’s busy cleaning the place pulled Xavier out of the two’s sight. He uttered, “Bro. Xavier, let them be. Maybe they can do this by their selves”. Xavier sighed, “Fine, I’m just worried that maybe the two could reconcile and forget about the past” he answered and started walking away.
Stella’s eyes were filled with amusement. She uttered, “You really came back. I thought my hopes were useless” she said and raced to hug Silas. He didn’t bother to push her away; he’s loving the warmth Stella caused him. He can’t admit it but he truly missed that hug. His motive sunk in his mind, making him remove Stella’s wrapped arms in his body.
“Stella, I’m here for just one thing” he said that made Stella nervous all of a sudden. The smile in her face turned into an awkward smile. She answered, “What is it? You can tell it to me now”. Silas sighed and tried to look straight in her eyes.
“I am here to cut ties with you. I said that I will always choose you, but little did I know about the possibilities that I can also be waved by other choices” he said and looked away. He can’t look at her anymore because of guilt. Stella’s eyebrows raised, “I can’t understand you. Why all of a sudden? Aren’t you here to go back because you already won your battle?” she asked. Silas answered, “My battle hasn’t started yet. I thought that maybe we shouldn’t depend on destiny alone. Just like the journal I was writing, only me can write my own story in every page. I already reached our end Stella, and I want to end it for myself”.
Stella’s tears started falling to her cheeks, “you’re saying that you’re breaking up with me? In the middle of the waiting game, I was clueless that somebody won already” she said with a bitter laugh. Silas sighed, “Stella, you can also like someone instead of waiting for someone to go back”.
Stella wiped the tears in her face, “Right from the start we’re already toxic in the eyes of everybody. You only loved me when it’s convenient for you, when everything turned chaos, you forgot the battle we’re sharing”. Silas looked at her straight in the eye, “Stella, I’m not toxic. I’m just traumatized!” he said.
Stella laughed bitterly again, “And you’re supposed to use that as an excuse but I’m sorry, I’m traumatized as much as you do. Can you tell me, do you have an answer to this problem? Maybe I can take that as a reason to move on quickly” she replied. Silas answered, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have an answer to your problem” he said and turned around to make his way back to their car.
He stepped farther and farther when he heard Stella’s voice from behind. A tight hug is felt in his waist and the warmth of her presence and tears were felt in his back, “I always whispered to the moon to please make you not in love with someone who’s better than me” she said.
Silas’ tears started rolling in his cheeks but his emotions were blank, “I’m not in love with someone else. This is the better choice for us even before I left” he faced her and held her hands tight. “Promise me that you should keep living. I will look forward to your dreams” he said. For the very last time, he pulled her close and planted a kiss on her forehead while their tears were both falling from their eyes.
He removed his hand from Stella’s arms and took the way out of the church with face full of sadness. He did not grab the chance to face his former brotherhood because of shame. He looked around and tried to reminisce the memories he had in the seminary. Those were the good old days that he can never turn back.
He opened the car’s door and found his mom patiently waiting for him. She asked, “Is everything settled? Do you still have a problem?”. Silas sat back and buckled up his seatbelt, “Tomorrow, everything will be alright” he answered. Just as quickly, the two returned to the countryside hospital to start the month-long treatment waiting for Silas.
Stella sat on the bench she usually sits with Silas. Xavier went near her and offered her a handkerchief to wipe her tears. He asked, “You were smiling widely a while ago. You said the day is so bloomy but why does it feel that it is all ruined?”. Stella sniffed, “I didn’t expect Silas to be here. I’m a fool looking excited while he plans to break up with me. I waited for him and all that I received was a bunch of hurtful words from him” she answered.
Xavier looked up the sky and replied, “Stella, sometimes the delay is his preparation. To think of it, why didn’t you think about that possibility? Do you love him that much?” he asked. Stella immediately answered, “Of course, I do. Who would’ve thought two people totally opposite from each other can jive?”.
“It is a lesson learned for you, Stella. Remember to slow down in love. It is a flame that can give you warmth but can burn you at the same time when it’s too much. See what he caused you; is it worth the waiting game?” he replied. Stella sobbed, “I can’t believe my very first at everything turned me down in just a couple of minutes” she said. Xavier pulled her close and made her lean on his shoulder, “Sometimes, things will hurt you to make you experience real pain so that next time, you’re already aware of what might happen if you enter another relationship” he said.
Clarina drove the road to the countryside while Silas is still thinking blank while watching the road they are taking. She said, “Look at the sky. It’s so sunny and bright but you’re sulking there like you want to change the sunny day into something stormy”. Silas took a deep breath, “I can’t believe I hurt her. I broke my promise and today I broke her heart also” he replied.
Clarina commented, “Think of the positive side, Silas. You did it because it’s for you and her’s goodness. If you didn’t do it, can you imagine how she can make her hopes stay long just for you to come back? In my opinion, this one’s convenient for the two of you”. Silas replied, “I feel guilty. The things she said struck me the most especially when she told me that I only loved her because she’s convenient to me”.
Clarina replied, “Silas, you didn’t have to do that. Love is a give-and-take process but in what I’ve heard, I think you’re putting up efforts but you lack affection. You should make her feel it from within”. Silas immediately answered, “See mom, I failed. I failed and I lost the battle we’re talking about, I failed on making her one of my priorities. I thought she was already my utopia”.
Clarina shrugged, “Have you ever felt curious why I named you Israel?” she asked. Silas replied, “Why is that?”. His mother smiled, “Because Israel is a land said in the bible. A land where a lot of damages, sins, and negativities happened but their perseverance, faith, and love fixed them”. She faced his son and held his hand.
“That’s what I like you to experience, Silas. When you fall, go back with faith. When you feel weak, go with perseverance and when you feel no one is deserving for you, love yourself because you got your own self in your own battle” she said.
Silas looked at her with a blank gaze, “This will surely be a tough one. But if ever I can’t do it, what will you do?” he asked. Clarina smirked, “I will forever be an Israelite with high hopes for Israel to go back to its own victory” she said that made Silas feel something he never felt before. “So that’s how it feels to be complimented by your own mom, I think I want more” he said. Clarina pinched his cheek, “Then stop making a fuss and move on, Silas Israel” she said and brought back her attention to the road they are taking with a wide smile.