"From the word itself, it defines all of the operational elements..."
"If f(x)=9x-3, find the value of x..."
"Arnaez? Are you even listening?"
I blinked twice after hearing him calling my name. I saw his furrowed eyebrows and firm pressed thin lips, his forehead even creased.
Oh, I almost forgot. I'm with him here inside the library and yeah, he's been teaching me some mathematical equations that I loathe the most. That time when he offered himself as my tutor without any of his condition? True enough, he did. And I'm still wondering until now why would he do that. For what fucking reason?
For goodness' sake I have sleepless night thinking about him, being this weird.
And I don't know with myself anymore. Because the first thing I should do is to decline and turn him down in a savage way, alright? But suddenly, to my surprise, I accepted his absurd game. Even me, myself, can't believe I was able to do that.
But whatever this game he created, I'm more than ready to go with a flow and I'll make sure I'm not the one who'll lose if ever we've come to the finish line.
"I'm sorry. What is it again?" I asked in a monotone.
His forehead creased even more."I said you must find the value of x from the equation I have given to you."
Oh, that x. Fuck that x.
Why we, students, need to struggle in order to find that value of fvcking x in a random shitted equation, really? We're here to study, not to loss our mind?
"Uh, I don't think I got it. I-I can't understand..." I scratched my head.
He blows out a sigh."I knew it. You're not listening that's why. I said, focus, Arnaez. You must focus for you to understand everything I'm saying. Next week, it's the final examination already and you need to review hard." his face seems very stressed.
I scrunched my nose and narrow my eyes at him.
Did I tell him to tutor me? He volunteered, right? It's my problem now?
"If I were you, I'm gonna quit right away. No one told you to tutor me, Cabrera. You're free to leave whenever you want because I'm not your obligation." I stated what's the obvious.
His face turned emotionless before it diverted directly on me. I felt a sudden awkward feeling and I know this isn't the first time. Because I've been feeling it everytime our eyes met. What the hell is this?
Should I consult a psychiatrist now?
Because I can't understand myself anymore!
"When I said I'm gonna tutor you, I will, and there's no way I'm gonna back out. All you have to do is to listen attentively and focus. Is it that hard to do, huh?" He closed the trigonometry book to give his full attention to me.
I looked at him intently."Yes, it's that fucking hard to do. I'm not like you, and those who are in the high section. You see, that's why I'm belong to the last section 8, because this is all I've got," I tried to smirk sarcastically and stood up, picking up my bag."You know what? You're just wasting your time. Let's just stop this nonsense. Just... let me become a failure."
I turned my back at him and was ready to leave him there when a hand stopped me from doing so. I took a deep breath and irritably looked back. He's standing now also, with his dead serious face.
I shivered down my spine and a random electricity suddenly occured and it shocked the hell out of me. Because, why?! What is that?!
"You're not going to be a failure if you'll just help yourself. No, I won't let you leave like that. We're going to continue this, whether you like it or not." Wait, huh?
Is he... is he controlling me now?
And why I'm not complaining? I should complain! Yes, you must complain, Vanez! You don't want anybody control you, do you?
"Why?" but that's the only word came from my mouth.
He arched his brow."What do you mean why?" Is he numb or he's just pretending to be a dumb?
"Why are you doing this?" I asked impatiently.
He looked straight into my eyes, deeply, like he's searching for something inside. I gulped unconsciously and controlled my temper. Just a minute and if he won't answer my question seriously, I'm really gonna punch him on the face.
"I'm doing this because..." he trailed off.
"Because?" God, I'm losing my patience for this guy!
"B-because I care about you..." my eyes widened at its best."And I wanted to help you so bad. Let's make it together... let's graduate together..." he then, looked away, with his blushing cheeks and ears turned red.
I became speechless for a moment. Wait, I'm still processing it.
Just what the hell?
Is he... for real?
It's as if my body has its own mind, I found myself sitting back on the chair. He cleared his throat and sat back on his chair, too. An eerily silence occured, like I didn't even attempt to leave, like we didn't even talk a bit.
And after all he told me, I can't look straight into his eyes again. Damn it.
"I just want you to know that... I'm so proud of what you've become..." said by the person I'm walking with, along our trimmed backyard.
I crept a small smile."Really?" remained looking straight, didn't mind turning to him.
"Yeah! Don't you know? I'm the proudest brother in this whole wide world!" He suddenly exclaimed and spread his arms widely.
"Stupid, as if you're my brother. Stop imagining things, will you?" I chuckled.
I closed my eyes to feel the warmth of the wind breeze in this very blooming morning. It's currently spring season and another month have passed.
I heard him frowned."Oh, come on! You're not taking it until now, are you?" He asked, almost hysterically.
I shook my head calmly.
"Yes, because why would I?" I gave him a wicked smirk.
He spanked his forehead."Damn, what a stubborn. Alright, I want you to know that you're hurting my feelings again." Here comes the dramatic Innov.
"Uhm, I don't care?"
"I hate you, Van! I hate you!" He pouted.
What the heck. He's acting childish again. Oh no. It's the worst scenery I could ever seen this morning.
I just rolled my eyes and let him do his signature tantrums behind. I just ignored him because I'm busy adoring the flowers around, those are fresh from London when Dad, Sharon and Akira flew back to London to continue their vacation.
Yes, they managed to continue their supposed to be vacation. He abruptly booked another flight for them right after I left the hospital. They continued what they have already planned out.
He didn't even stay with me until my recovery. He just asked if I'm feeling okay already, that's all. He managed to leave me like that and even how much I wanted to ignore how bad it hurts, I can't still.
Guess he doesn't care about me at all. I get used to it but I never said I won't be able to feel the pain anymore. He just promised to take care of me when my mom died and I silently hold on to that, hoping he'd be true to his words. But then, he didn't... he never did. He just broke his promise and I'll never forget that very first heartbreak of my young self.
Last week was the final examination for junior class and right now, I still can't believe I made it. I passed the exam, and that's what Innov was talking about earlier. I cannot deny to myself the improvement I keep on noticing and it's miracle how happy I am about it.
All thanks to the one and only person who stayed and managed to tutor me despite of my attitude.
I think it's now time to forget about our first unpleasant encounter and make a new one, something likeable and memorable.
My phone beeped inside my pocket. I paused from staring at the daffodils and took it out. A smile immediately crossed my face the moment I saw the screen.
"Hey, who's that? Boyfriend?" Innov, gossiping about my personal life again.
I rolled my eyes."No way. Classmate,"
It's his message, too short and proper. Just like how he talk in person.
I typed a reply.
"Then, what's with the smile? Hmm..." he's being malicious again, alright.
"Shut up. Don't think something else, okay? I can't trust your dirty mind."
"He must be special to you,"
"He's definitely not!" I scoffed, annoyed.
He smirked teasingly."And you're defensive because?"
"Oh, dammit, Innov!"
That's his cue to run away and he did because he knows for sure what I'm going to do next. I found myself chasing him, riding with his childish acts.
And I can't erase the smile on my face anymore. Ah, what a morning. His text continued flashing in my mind. It's just that simple yet I don't know why it's haunting me like this.
Yukenzo:
See you this coming night.
Now I remember. Later would be our first ever prom night.