Jerson felt extremely exhausted. He wanted to rest so badly. He wanted everything to end. He needed to rest and he wanted to rest forever.
Five days.
For five days, Jerson was living in the abandoned rest house beside the shore. He eats once a day and would tend to lay down on the shore for the day and stare at the resthouse’s canopy for the entire night. He was wasted.
Sometimes he would think about drowning himself. Cut his wrist until he dies due to blood loss. Shoot his head and die. He was thinking about everything that would kill him. He wanted to die so bad. He wanted to do it.
Vishnu was the only person he could think of after thinking of killing himself. What if Vishnu blames himself for his death? What if Vishnu got hurt when he died? What would he do if he sees Vishnu cry for him?
He could never hurt Vishnu even after knowing everything. He believed that everything he shared with Vishnu was genuine. He believed Vishnu loved him the same.
After five days of letting himself mourn for his shattered heart, Jerson decided to go back.
Vishnu might be waiting for him in his apartment. Vishnu might be worried. Vishnu might be trying to find him.
That possibility was the only thing he was holding to strive his feet to go with the flow of life. To stay alive.
Jerson drove his cruiser back to his apartment.
If it was his usual self, Jerson would appreciate how good the lives of others were. He would admire how good nature was. But he was too broken to appreciate anything.
After driving for two hours, he arrived at his apartment. Jerson hastily gets inside the building and runs to his apartment.
Vishnu might be waiting inside. Vishnu would comfort him, and tell him that everything will be alright. Vishnu would be the one who will stay by his side because Vishnu loves him.
As Jerson opened the door, he saw Vishnu sitting on the sofa. Without examining the situation, Jerson ran over to Vishnu and hugged him tightly, asking to be comforted. He was hoping that Vishnu would hug him back so his pain would wash away. Vishnu was his remedy after all.
“Get your dirty hands off me,” Vishnu stated.
Jerson didn’t let go as what Vishnu said couldn’t sink in. “W-What?” he dumbly asked.
“I said, get your fucking hands off me, son of a bitch!” Vishnu shouted and pushed Jerson away.
Because Jerson hadn’t eaten a decent meal for five days, he was easily pushed away. Jerson's mind was lagging as he couldn't process what was going on. He gasped for air as he felt like he was out of breath. His body was too weak.
“Wh-what’s going on? Why are you doing this, hmm?”
Jerson looked pitiful. He was messy. The blood from his wound dried on his skin. His face was flushed red because of a high fever caused by the rain. His lips were wounded because he tended to bite them every time he felt anxious. His lips were also dry. His eyes were red. But that didn’t stop Vishnu.
“And you have the nerve to ask me that?!” Vishnu angrily asked. “You—” Vishnu kicked the table. “You attempted to kill my Kara, fucker!”
Jerson shook his head. “N-No! You have to trust me. They were all lies! I am a victim too!”
Vishnu grabbed Jerson’s hair. “You think I will believe such lies?!”
“You have to believe me, please!” Jerson begged.
Never in his entire life did Jerson think he would beg pathetically just like what he's doing at the moment. He wasn’t crying but his voice was shaky. His eyes were proud but his lips were begging. His sturdy legs were kneeling and his nimble fingers were grabbing around Vishnu's knee. “Please trust me, just this once. I beg you.”
“You think I would listen to you? Did you think I would trust you just because you let me fuck your slutty ass?" Vishnu smirked triumphantly. “Looks like you really think I did it because I love you, huh? I guess so. I am a great actor, after all.”
Vishnu strode at the side making Jerson look at where Vishnu was going. Jerson looked at Derrick in horror. The thing that he feared the most happened.
Vishnu remembered Derrick, his first love. His original Kara.
Vishnu hugged Derrick from the back and kissed Derrick's neck. “I came back to you because my Kara wanted to hurt you. He knows you have feelings for me so using that would hurt you. You've been deceived, Jerson. And seeing you this pitiful made my heart shout triumphantly.” Vishnu smirked. “I didn't love you, Jerson. And every time we share a bed, it disgusts me.”
Jerson laughed tragically.
This is killing him.
Jerson covered his ears while aggressively shaking his head. “Stop!” he shouted loudly.
But he could still hear some laughter. Jerson hit his head and covered his ears again. “I said stop!” he shouted again.
The laughter stopped. Jerson stood up and strode near Vishnu. “Let's break up,” he declared. “I-I know that you truly love Derrick. I know how much you were in pain when he disappeared. I know because you guys have to destroy me just to show your pain.” He looked at Vishnu who was looking at him with unknown emotions. But from what Vishnu told him earlier, those gazes must be anger and disdain. It could be disgust and angst, but he wished it to be love. “Let’s break up so you could be happy with Derrick.”
Vishnu laughed mockingly. “I think you’re misunderstanding something. We’re not in a relationship, Jerson. But for your peace of mind, yes, let’s break up.”
Jerson bit his lip as his heart aches so bad. “Yes. Let’s do that," he agreed. “You have to be happy,” he added before turning his back and walking towards his room. He hit his chest as he felt like the pain was suffocating him. “Please leave this apartment as soon as possible. I need some time alone.”
As soon as he said that, he heard a few footsteps walking away until he heard the door lock click and open and was immediately closed.
Finally being alone inside his apartment, his knee gave up.