Shinai Indigo likes to ostracized the idea that Jordan Edon is the love of her life that she is been waiting for— the cherry on top of her cupcake. It is been reknown that he has feelings for her but she can’t assume that the spreading of that wildfire news is a spectacular truth. It is what it is— her perspective about this won’t change. She likes to think that this cheery sunshine is just feeling the boredom of adulthood that he decided that she will become his target.
She pressed her forehead. She is having difficulty assessing the situation— he is giving her a major headache. When can he stop pestering her for good?
She fixed her posture. Eyes went towards the portrait of the snapshot taken from years ago. It was a remarkable moment—finishing the last anno of their high school life. It was a picture of two young teenagers, a guy and a girl to be explicit. The golden brown shade of the skin of the young man is still visible in the photo. His hand wasraising above his head, holding the graduation cap with his left hand.
His smile looking so bright— it’s scalding to look at. The other hand is occupying the shoulder of the girl whose height didn’t even reached the guy’s shoulder. Her mouth formed an expression of displeasure. The corners of her lip are turned down. She’s frowning— looking at the camera with eyes scowling “murder”. Her cheeks are red—looking flush. With her pale skin tone, standing next to the guy made her look like she is ready to drink the blood of the living. Both expressions are ostensibly opposite from each other.
She grimaced and averted her gaze towards the photograph.
It’s them.
It is the picture of her and Jordan taken after the graduation ceremony.
The sides of her lip formed a smile.
They both came a long way—conditions are a lot better in comparison to the preceding past of their yesterday.
She inhaled a breath- satisfied with the devoid state of inhaling air in her nostrils without the trepidation of the fear of having to force herself to move with an urgent haste into the next activity. She got out from that phase of being pressured to perpetuate her spot as one of the excellent student of her class. She is free from all that now. She can do what she wants without trying to endure the thought of wanting to please the oldies. Oldies are hard to deal with- hard to satisfy. They are too firm implementing their beliefs of their olden days— but the honest truth of the obvious fact that is that their outdated dogmas are not truly helping the young ones. It’s only adding a vehement feeling of being anxious, as a child’s young mind is too receptive towards the views and customs that surround them. It was tough for her to deal with all those stresses. But it was over now.
“Nai. Are you there? I brought you an orange marmalade juice.” A gentle knocking is heard outside her room. The visile voice coming from a male made her frown. She can envision the smile on that man’s face that is already ready to be seen at this time.
“It’s not locked. You can come in now.” Her pitched advanced as she said her words in a high tone. She doesn’t like stretching her vocal cords— whenever she starts toforcely magnify her tone it always left her throat dry and strained. That’s why she never liked the idea of shouting at the top of her lungs.
The door was pushed slowly—halfway through that she saw his neck craning while having that sneaked look on his face. The sides of his mouth moved— followed by a cheeky grin.
“Hey there, baby!” He chirped with that beaming smile present in his ever refreshing, astonishing handsome face that gives off a polished explosion of positivity that could catch anyone’s attention.
She narrowed her eyes— glaring at him softly. She doesn’t understand why she is stopping herself from releasing an antagonized glare. She frowned at the thought. Why can’t she dispense the blazing fumed style of staring?
He winked at her after seeing her frown. She frowned even more after seeing him doing it. What is he trying to do? And why is she letting herself be affected by this good looking man having an angular visage?
She hissed after catching herself from adoring this man’s features. She stood there— standing like an immobile robot waiting for a signal to make movements.
He starts to make steps—it’s easy to make strides having long skeletons. In fleeting seconds he is already standing in front of her looking at her with an intensified gaze that she can’t withstand. She withdrew her own gaze from looking at him and instead focused on the plastic bag he is holding.
“You didn’t ask for a paper bag?” The crispness of his chuckles made her jolt. The sensation of the tingles creeping into her body— she can’t explain the interesting feeling. She took a step back- putting herself in a safe distance. The fastening tight knot she felt when his body is inches closer to hers almost took her ability to breathe the oxygen present in the atmosphere.
“Nai is taking her role seriously as an environmentalist is impressive.” He eyed her with a glint of mischief in his eyes, placing his fingers on his chin.
“You can take your eyes off me. You’ve been staring for so long.” A half-suppressed chuckle came from him. Making her eyebrows furrowed.
“10 seconds, Nai. It’s not that long. And besides you are used at me staring at you.
What changed now?” He is right. He always gives her his prolonged gaze. It’s been going on for years. And she was cool to take and received that without trying to implement some weird meaning behind his way of doing it. So, why is she reacting like this? She is not supposed to act like this.
“Is that for me?” She nudged her head towards the direction of the plastic bag in his hand. It’s good excuse to do— an excuse to not commit to the conversation of being that affected with Jordan’s stares.
“Yes, here.” His hand extended to give it to her. She grabbed it gently and spread the thin plastic to have a glimpse of what’s inside. All sorts of goodies she like from the convenience store are there, from the strawberry bonbons down to the flavored potato wedges. Jordan did buy her, her favorites.
“Thank you. I thought you only bought the orange marmalade?” It is a good time to drink it, because the the sky is unclouded and the brilliant rays of the sun is heating the humidity. It is a great refreshment for a sunny weekend.
“I prefer to word out the “orange marmalade”. It is a nice word to be pronounced.” Jordan is right. Pronouncing the word sounds fine.
“Circulating news has already spread.” Her eyes went to look at him. “I know you are aware of it. What are you going to do now?” She asked him with the visible worry in her voice. Guilt gushed into her as she waited for his response.
The confession was a blast. A bang she did not expect. He was cool to set it out in the open. He was unbothered by the huge gasps from people who heard him during the time frame of his declaration of fancy for her. And besides it was a momentous time, because her older brother bended his knees to ask for her best friend’s hand for marriage. It was supposed to be their moment—not them.
She felt bad robbing the spotlight off the setting proposal that she participated in. She made a pact with her brother to assist him as he decided to take his plan of offering her bestie the proposal she’s been waiting to be experienced. The fairy tale dream Sunny has fantasized while they were still young— when they had full of hopes to be sweep off their feet by their approaching knight in shining armor. Sunny got her dream. While her? She skipped to immerse herself from being feeling a bit jealous of the amazing happenings in her friend’s love life.
This is not about her. This is about what Jordan did. After Sunny said her “yes” in compromising to the offer of commitment from her brother. After Sunny was lifted in the air looking so happy—while hearing the cheers from the people who witnessed it. Jordan stepped in with a huge cardboard that blocked his head—went towards the center of the field bringing companions that had roses in their hands.
In the cardboard, words are written using the florid magenta pigment and using the styled font she really liked. Jordan finally asked her to be his girlfriend. She was stunned the very moment her eyes land upon the words he happily showed her. It brought a great bolting shock in her nerves that all she can managed to do was nod her head, as her way of accepting the role of being his girlfriend.
And now this is where her fears started to come in—bugging her mind with a throbbing pain in her head. She accepted it—but her head was running in circles. Not letting her grasps the situation that is occuring. Instead of running into his arms, she chickened out. She ran into the opposite direction— removing herself from the situation. It was supposed to be a happy time— a time for celebrating a lovely event. But she ruined it.
And now she felt bad— she felt so bad that she wants to cry. She looked up to meet Jordan’s eyes and that’s when her tears started to fall. Looking at his eyes made her feel even more terrible. Jordan’s hand went to touch her cheek—wiping off the tears that fell. The gesture made her cry even more.
How can he be so fine with what she did? He has the right to throw a raging anger at her. He has the right to get mad. And here, he is. He’s looking at her with eyes full of sympathy, expression full of understanding.
He pulled her close— pulling her closer to his chest. She comfortably rested her chin on his shoulder as she continues to cry.
“I am so sorry. I’m sorry, Jordan.” She finally said the apology that is been wanting to come out off her mouth when he saw him peeked in to see her.
“I know. I understand. You’re still not ready. And I hastily rushed you into this. I am sorry too.” She shook her head as she put her hands around his neck. She was hugging him closer- tighter.
“I dragged your name into shame, Edon. I-I don’t know. The people- their words. It’ll affect you.” She still isn’t prepared for the opinions of people regarding the rejected proposal that happened between them. She felt extremely worse—as she imagines the reactions from people when Jordan is around. How could she do this to him?
“It’s fine. Don’t mind their opinions. Nothing has changed. I am still here. I will stick around—until you are ready.” He patted her head for a few times before kissing the top of her head.
“How did you get in?” She questioned. Jordan’s head went down- snuggling himself on the base of her neck.
“Your mother let me in.” He muttered—squeezing her body into a more tight hug.
“Erinoi was worried. He called me to check on you after you run away from me. But I was still recovering from the unexpected reaction I got from you. So, I came here a little late.” Her hand reached to touch his hair. She was brushing her fingers into the fluffiness of the texture of Jordan’s hair.
She wants to do something for him. It was her fault. She let her thoughts ran wild. Letting her fears take over her ability to make an intended decision that is fitting for the situation. She wants to make up for it.
“I want to do something for you. I felt really bad.” She felt Jordan’s smile underneath her chin.
“I want some lovin’.” Jordan drifted his head slowly— lifting it to angle his face. They both stared at each other. Jordan’s eyes are searching something in her eyes. He lowered his head— the tip of their noses touched.
“Let’s have a date.” He let out an exasperated sigh before kissing her cheeks.