Kievan sighed as he looks at his daughter who is ranting nonstop for the whole 3 hours. He cannot stop her as he wants to be all ears. Having his unwavering attention is what he is aiming at the moment. His daughter was not able to visit him every day. And the days she is in his house is something that she wants to treasure. It is not always every day he can see her face.
“Dad.Your thoughts about marriage?”Shinai uttered in a commanding tone.
This is a trait of her daughter that she probably got from her mother. Demanding. She is very demanding. Sometimes impatient about things in general. She always seeks to find answers and alternative solutions to anything that is bothering her at the moment.
“I got nothing to say princess.”
“This is why you are divorced.” Shinai saw his father’s face she immediately pursed her lips. Her words probably make him feel bad.
“Kidding. But seriously though, what is the deal about failed marriages Pa?” The world of today is filled with people dealing with a failure married life.
Infidelity is something that tends to not be taken seriously. Issues revolving marriages seems to remain unfix and unfinished. News about celebrities becoming divorcees. A normal couple decided to end things after years of being married to each other.
It is easy for two people to leave things behind between the two of them. That is where the thought comes in, “Love isn’t enough for two people to be together until the end.” The idea of marriage, she used to idolizeit. When she grew, that is when it hit her. Having to marry someone, making promises with their sweet tongues only to end with harshly made comments about each other’s persona. Dramas and dilemmas left out in the cold, discussion of matters like these are neglected. And in the end-there is no closure between the two parties Involved.
The fear of marriage, consumes her mind a lot. If she will only have to deal with all the marriage issues and consequences then she will rather be alone. She will not get married. If that happens to her- she thinks she can take it.
“Why, you are planning to get married?”
Her father’s voice stopped her from thinking. Marriage is the last thing she had in mind.
“Did you love Mom genuinely?” She couldn’t help but to ask. What happened to her parents made her somewhat bitter. She longs to always see her parents’ sweet and loving gestures towards each other but she felt like there is something’s missing between their sweet moments she saw.
“I loved her. And it made me feel guilty. She was a good friend and a lover. And I think I failed her. Because I kept the truth hidden from her.The truth that I loved a man before her. He left. Thinking I would forget about the love I have for him. I decided to moved on. To be with your mother.Only to realize that I still harbor affection towards my first love after years of seeing him. That is during the time your mother is pregnant with you.”
She can feel the sadness in her father’s voice. The resentment is noticeable.
She wants to gamble the irk of wanting to say that he is reason is not totally valid. She felt weary because what her father did to them- but it is the past. And it already happened- it already affected her. She chewed her lip trying to say something to console him.
“The only thing that matters today Papa is the fact that she forgave you. I do not like seeing you like that, Papa. Can I get a smile from you?” She saw her father smile after her request. That is good. It is over now. What happened stays as a memory where lessons are learned. Release the disappointment- let go. It was something that can’t be undone. To let it be, to let it stay from its place- the past.
“How’s your relationship like back then? I want to know the good times you had with each other.” She is dying to know- was it a good love story to compete with the romantic movies?
“It was intoxicating.” Her father said dreamily- looking like he has started to imagine his moments.
“Your relationship with mom- or what you had experience from your ex, your first love before Mom?” She asked. Trying to get a clear insight from him. She doesn’t want to hold the expectation that the intoxication he felt was for her mother.
Her father looked at her with disbelief in his face- shakes his hand and smiled. “Of course- from your mother.”Shinai nodded.
“That’s good. I somewhat think your words are referring towards your ex.”
“You still want to listen?” Her father joked.
She perfectly straightened her sitting position. “I am now properly sat- take it Papa. I am ready to listen.” She answered.
“She’s beautiful.” Her father started talking. She wants to interrupt him- to argue that the adjective is obvious. Her mother is a beauty. That’s it. Instead of interrupting her father- she sat and listened.
“If she is that amazing- why did you choose to leave an amazing woman, Papa?”
“It is because of shame and guilt, Shinai Indigo.”
She wants to pester her father to put his words into simplicity where it will be easy for her to comprehend his reasons- but he looks like he is firm and will be sticking to his thought. That is why she stop asking more questions.
“And now back to you- you like that young handsome fella?”
Now it was her time to looked like she’s about to go to the bathroom to take a filth. Astoundingly surprising- her father asking whether she like him and him labeling Jordan “a handsome fella.”
“No comment. It’s nothing, Papa.” Her mind hushed her denial-telling her she has feelings.
She forced herself to act like her father’s question about him wasn’t that important. She knows that if she displayed something- her father will likely to know it. She doesn’t want him to smell something fishy about her situation-ship with Jordan.
Her legs feel giddy- she wants to completely go away. To go outside his father’s house and never come back not until he will stop asking questions about Jordan that she doesn’t want to answer.
She gazed at the glass of water in front of her- and drink it. Wishing that what she’s drinking is alcohol- so she can act drunk in front of her own father. She gulped it- leaving no liquid residue.
“Hmm.” Her father hummed.
Her grip starts to loosed- she is holding the glass with her hands slightly shaking. This is not the right time for him to know about what she feels for him. And she is still not ready to accept her feelings for him fully. Partly because of her fears- and her guilt towards Jordan.