I never love Mathematics. I hate doing Mathematical problems anything related in dealing with the properties and manipulation of numbers.
I hate that.
But on the contrary, I had developed a great fascination for Science and Technology. Studying the systematic study of the structures and behaviour of the physical and natural world. Conducting observations and experiments. 
I love scrutiny. Scrutinizing anything that tries to lure me in. Anything that looked captivatingly inviting, wooing me to make a decision of doing my own exploration of its wholeness. I am a knacker for this- especially people that looked magnetically enticing. 
The irony of this is that I can’t seem to eliminate this kind of way towards approaching things and PEOPLE. I kept falling back into the same repetitive cycle. Only to chaotically destroy my own self in the process. Being spanked in the butt by the Universe had shaken my awareness completely. I woke up one day in a leveled way of thinking that made me put an end to the spiraling virulent behaviour I once put myself to go through. 
I try to dry my forehead with my own hand- wiping the imaginary sweat on my forehead’s surface. The thought of the lingering wound took over my thinking of Mathematics. I am supposed to welcome happy thoughts not overly internalizing some uncomfortable truths about myself that are brought to the surface.
“What’s wrong?” Jordan placed a cup of hot chocolate on the table. 
The sweet aroma of its vapor reached my nose- I savor the smell of the cocoa. Grab the cup and take a small sip of it. Upon tasting it I decided to go for another drink- another sip of it. I love drinking hot chocolate-especially during this type of weather. Cold moisture felt in the air because of the downpour- the drink makes me feel warm and cozy. 
I looked at Jordan who’s sipping the hot choco too. He looks at me and placed his cup back on the flat top of the wooden furniture. 
“What are you thinking?” I thought that the drink somehow makes him forget about the questioning that needs to be done. 
The look on his face and his gentle gaze- hid wrinkled forehead. He was worried about seein me spacing out. If only I looked at the pouring rain outside this windowsill. He wouldn’t be able to suspect anything- but I was staring at towards the left corner of his bluish wall. 
“I was worried for a minute. When I saw you staring at my wall. You’re staring at it too deeply.” His steady gaze makes soothing ripples on my body. His eyes deep and conciliating. 
“I marveled towards the other side.” I answered adding my own humor through my words. He laughed. 
“And lost your consciousness in the other dimension?” He joked- joining me with the idea I started. 
“It’s fun. You should give it a try. See the vastness and enchantment of it for yourself.” 
He lowered his head and intentionally made something amusing. Deep his head, and lightly brush his lips on mine. His eyes sucked my ability to have a normal breathing. “Breathe, Nai.” I said mentally. 
“Can I?” The refinement of his voice in asking for consent made the beating pace of my heart grow rapid. Activating something throgh the swiftness of his gesture. 
“Can I- what, Jordan?” I teasingly gave his words back at him. 
Our eyes locked- hypnotizingly wishing to draw each other in. I think we both are wanting this- both wanting to plunge and finish what he started.
My smile grew bigger- I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him towards me. I looked at him one last time before kissing his lips. After recovering from the seconds of shocked he felt because of my actions. His lips glide smoothly- which made me close my eyes. Warm and soft- it makes me want more. He gently nibbled my upper lip- I partly opened my mouth.
A smile came from him before he smoothly slid his tongue. With synchronized decision- I returned the favor. I kissed him deeply. Clinging to him- freeing myself from my own active thinking mind- abandoning any inhibitions. The attention is mainly focus with Jordan’s meadowsweet kiss. He gave me a fleeting kiss before pulling his mouth from mine. He endearingly grinned- looking so satisfied with what happened. 
“Mind to share what’s going on that pretty head of yours?” He uttered with such sense that makes me feel safe to open up my thoughts without doubting that he’ll spill my arcanum.
It’s safe- it’s always safe to talk about anything with Jordan Edon. I don’t have to worry about the skeletons I kept on my closet – he knows about it anyway. And it doesn’t change the fact of his being- he was patient enough to unravel every single aspects of me. And he openly received the ones I showed without any hint of judgement. 
“Are you prepared to open up your ears with what I am about to say?” I solidly mouthed. 
His mouth gape upon hearing me. “What’s with the suspense, baby? I’m worried about this bombing revelation that you’re dropping.” He dramatically placed his hand on his chest. Exhaling air before positioning himself towards the opposite side of the table. Facing me with his interlocked hands- eyes having enough willingness to listen to me. Expression looking serious. 
I chuckled upon seeing him doing that. “You looked silly.” I muttured without breaking my gaze off him. 
“Only for you.” He answered flashing a smile on his face. 
[February 17, 2016] 
“Maycee, can I ask you something?” I walked towards the end part of our classroom- approaching Maycee who is burrying her own head on her desk. 
“Are you tired?” I asked her. 
She lifted her head to looked at me. “Yes, Shinai. I am so exhausted from studying mathematical assessments from Miss Lia. I am so tired.” 
I sat in an empty seat beside her. 
She continued to rant about what she’s doing. “There’s so much pressure, Nai. If only I can tell her that I don’t want to do it anymore.” She burried her head once again. Giving off heavy sighs.
 “Why don’t you be upfront with it. Tell her that you’re having a hard time.” 
She mumbled inaudible noises before lifting her head- eyes tightly shut. “You know her, Nai. I don’t have a way out- I don’t have any choice but to do this. She’ll constantly lecture me if I’ll give up this up anyway. And I don’t want to deal more of her sermons.” She raised both of hands in defeat before leaning her back on her seat. 
“You’re right. There’s too much exertion with the way she says anything that is attacking her notions with the topics she’s passionate about. You can see radix in her neck whenever she’s triggered. Remember when she’s mad that we didn’t clean the room the way she wants it?”
I looked at her to check if she’s still awake- she is looking at me. She nod her head- an answer that made me to keep talking. 
“She was so mad with the result- that she started speaking of the importance of cleaning. So mad that her artificial teeth slipped off her gums. She handled it without any embarrassment and kept on talking. Walk out like nothing happened – after she was gone the whole class were laughing at it.” 
Maycee bursts out her laughter with the incident I reminded her. “You’re right. It was funny. That I questioned myself-“How did she do that? How can she managed to keep a strict face?”
She kept laughing. “Thanks, Nai. That lessened my exhaustion.” 
“You’re welcome.” She stopped herself from laughing even more and looked at me.
“You want me to an answer about something right, Nai?” 
“Uh- yes. About Jordan. Him skipping his review sessions with you and Verne. I was wondering what happened.” My lips went thin upon thinking about him. 
He won’t talk to me. Avoiding to strike up any conversation with me- barely even glance at me when I said my hello even when we’re seated beside each other in class. Perhaps he still is surely mad about the unintended implications I’ve done yesterday. 
“He wasn’t taking it seriously. Slacking off, Nai. He hardly even answer the questions written on paper. Miss Lia was furious with Jordan’s lack of interest. Summoned him today to talk to him about it. I wonder if he’ll survive her wrath. Anyway- Jordan’s is one of the teachers’ pet. That will do him good.” 
That left me wondering what happened to him with the discussion he is going through right now with Miss Lia. 
“You two care about each other deeply too much.” Maycee grinned cheekily. “Peace.” She showed me the “peace sign”— insinuating something. “He is here.” 
I looked at Jordan who is entering the door with a flat expression. He looked at me and turned his back to walk away. 
“Hey Jordan. What did Miss Lia say?” 
He turned around and looked at Maycee. “Just wait until the class starts— she’ll announce a pleasant surprise.” His eyes went towards me- looking at me intently before walking out the door.