(Flash-forward: On the 6th day of March, Friday)
“I love this purple shirt. So far, I feel like I am royalty.” I said it loud and clear enough to get someone’s attention. Which was expectedly given to me because he looked at me and then mouthed the word “weirdo”. He then shook his head twice before writing something in his notebook. I wonder what he writes on it- was it good or he was writing the lists of bad things about me?
I scoffed at him and slammed my notebook on the table feeling angry because I did not like the reaction that he gave me. Am I a weirdo? I think the best thing to describe me is- amazing.
“I can’t wait for Sunny to arrive.” I said to myself.
I am used to her being early. Earlier than me. I do not know why she goes to school too early every day- there is nothing exciting in here. To force yourself to get out of your bed when you could have stayed a little bit longer, waking up before the sun rises getting ready, and went to school at exactly 6:00 A.M. That is Sunny's routine. I mean- her secret routine. She only shares it to me. And told me to not tell anyone- or else she will end our friendship. Who does that? Threatening your own friend to keep your secret, a secret. But who cares? I’m not friends with the people in class anyway- so her secret’s safe.
“Too bad she’s not going to school this day and you’ll be spending your break time alone in the cafeteria.” I glared at him. Why-why does he has to interrupt me when I am doing some mental self-talk?
“And so?” It is too early to quarrel with him. But if he will be insisting to pick a fight- then why not?I can give it to him for free.
“Nothing. I’m just informing you. I heard her wailed at her mom this morning, begging to not send her off to school today because she does not want to take the quiz.” He was so cool by the way he answers me. Way to cool.
Sunny not wanting to go to school? That’s new. But I guess the topic did stress her out- I like her reason of escaping from it. Should I go back home too?
I sighed. I should have decided on it before I dragged my legs to go here. I forgot that I was conversing with Silver- so I give him my not so free glance.
“I-”. He didn’t let me finished my sentence before saying his thoughts.
“There is no need in saying thank you, Nai. I don’t need that. What I need is for you to treat me some snacks during our break time.” That made my brain stopped- I think I forget my reply.
I made a tsk sound at what he said. “What makes you think I will be submitting myself to your demand, huh? And besides you are the one who simply intervened to my conversation with myself. Thinking that the question I uttered was for you to be answered. It is certainly not. I hope you get it” My eyebrows still raised. And I am not planning to switch it down for him. It will not happen. My raising of eyebrows, I want to keep doing it.
“Don’t worry. I’ll treat you too with some food downtown after school anyway.” He responded casually with the use of his cool tone.
The trade is good. Foods downtown are mouth-watering. And having him with me will be a good thing. I will get to pick a lot of food- and he will pay everything for me. I smiled while thinking of the idea that I have in mind. Applause-this guy is not thinking of the consequences he will encounter later. That kind of offer- is very favorable for someone like me who likes food badly.
I pretend to think about his offer and stared at him for a few seconds, before twitching the corners of my mouth to say something.
“Okay, fine. I accept it. But I hope you will be able stick with your words, Sylvester. He just nodded his head as a response.
Question: When did we really start to grow closer together? Are we that close? Because things whereleft undefined. Both of us,we’re not the kind of being clear of drawing the line. The line that can distinguish whether we were considering each other as friends or just a mere acquaintance. We did not think about making that decision. So things are left that way- I didn’t think much about it, neither was he.
Flashback:
“Hamlet is such a nice guy.” I said it out of nowhere without even bothering whether if the people in my class heard what I said.
It doesn’t matter. I am not restricted from having to express my words and to care about what others are thinking in their heads about it. And I don’t want to be put into restriction when it comes to the proposition of expressing my beliefs, my thoughts, and myself.
I hate the idea of being deprived of the freedom of expression. I have gone through situations where I was held back by those adults who love to meddle themselves just because the person-they are talking to was just a kid. Just a kid. That is why they think they are superior. That they are always the righteous ones. The ones who are always right- and the words that came out of their mouths were the truths. That whatever they are doing is supposed to be followed because- THEY ARE ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT. And when the young ones disagree with them- they will be calling them disrespectful. And that they should learn to have proper mannerisms. Emphasizing the fact – that children will always respect their elders.
What if those elders where the ones who are in the wrong? You think the idea of letting them get away with it- is okay? Letting their wrongdoings slide? And just watch with your own two eyes without doing anything to at least defend yourself? To at least stop them from trying to belittle you-because in a literal sense you are little?
Hypocrites. Why can’t they criticize themselves instead of picking on kids like me. I am tired of it. Not being able to do something- to protect me from people like them.
“What now? Just because he’s a nice guy you’ll be crushing on him?” The voice. I can now feel the anger in my nerves as I turned towards its owner. Why does he always love to participate in my self-talk?
“Why would you even care?” I lessened the pitch. I am acting out of defense. My thought stirred some emotions on me today.
He chuckled. “Is there any problem with my question? You could have stated your answer instead of throwing another question, Shinai.”
“What are you, a teacher?”
“No, but I’m planning on becoming one someday.”
“Good for you then.” I answered. Trying to put an end to the conversation.I don’t want to continue conversing with him.
“Now back to my question, that Hamlet. Do you like him already?” He stated another question again.
Glaring at him because he did not get the memo of me wanting to stop our conversation, I opened my mouth again just like him to speak another word. “Of course, no. I just said it because I remember how Mom looked so proud while saying his name.”
“Let me guess. He was one of your mom’s students?” He asked.
“Uh, yes.” I am starting to feel the annoyance of this.
“That explains why.” His voice dropped a bit.
Not understanding why his voice dropped I let mine get higher. “Explains what, Silver?”
“It’s because you’re jealous with the attention your Mom gave towards that student of hers. And now-look at you, trying to ignore the feeling with the compensation of making yourself be at eased with that positive comment instead of saying what you truly meant.”
“I-I mean what? Where did you get that assumption? I-I don’t.” I stopped. I can feel my voice shake. I am not comfortable of showing my vulnerable side. Looking pitiful in front of him? He will make fun of my situation. I am sure he will love the outcome if I’ll lose my cool.
“There’s no point in denying the truth, your truth.” He emphasized.