Have you ever met someone who loves eye-contact?
I am never been fond of continuously having to hold your gaze at someone without any purpose as to why you are even doing this thing.
I think holding your gaze towards someone inessential is a waste of time.
Why would you waste seconds just to look at someone when you could give your gaze in things that are much more meaningful. I just cannot comprehend this idea. Maybe it is because I am uncomfortable with people having to give me glances or giving me the look like there is something wrong with me.
I mean-why though? Especially during moments where people are driving me nuts because of the fact that their gazes looked like they are judging my whole existence?
You don’t need to do that. You do not need to waste your gazes on me. Because of this-my overly self-critical felt overwhelmed sometimes.
There came a time where I became paranoid- and all I can ever mind is those glances and the thought that they are judging me and there is something wrong with me. I realized that sometimes- it was just my brain playing tricks on me. My brain tricking me into making problems were in reality there is none. And the gazes from people are something that shouldn’t affect me.
To the odd people who gave me weird looks and the expression of disapproving- I don’t need you to add more judgement in my life. Got it?
So, please if you ever thought of eyeing someone-do it in a more subtle manner and not something that can make the person feel self-conscious of his or herself.
Back to the message, sometimes I really want to knowwhat’s behind people’s reasons as to why they like to prolong their eye-contact on someone whom they just met. And I want to ask a specific person. I want to ask Aivan Vincent as to why he always loves to look at me. He looks dumb while constantly checking me out and smiling like an idiot. I don’t like that kind of look he always gave me when I am catching his stare. He will be flashing that smile that I want to wipe off his face. But-sadly. I cannot do something that can finally put an end to what he’s been showing me from the very start I saw him at the front door of our classroom during 4th grade. But first things first- I liked Silver back then. And I always held my attention solely towards him. That I didn’t like Aivan’s strange gazing.
Flashback: First day of classes around the month of June
I really hate going to school. I am not the type of kid who feels excited to go back to class and sit on my desk doing things that a student should do. Taking notes, notes that aren’t even in connection to the topic being discussed. You will be wasting paper. Aside from that you will be listening to your teacher talk in front of you for the whole day.
I get it. Education is important. It is just sometimes I am not enthusiastic enough to be an attentive listener to my teacher which is the speaker. Because sometimes teachers speak things that are out of context to what was supposed to be the gist of the day’s discussion. But it was totally alright. At the very least it is a good distraction for them to be fully immersed in the lesson. Them talking about their life experiences- lessens the amount of time to discussed the lesson. And you don’t even need to feel guilty about not learning something for the day. It’s great. A get away to study something later after school.
I was sitting on my sit. My eyes are travelling inside the room to look at the faces of my classmates whom I did not even miss. They still have the same faces, not unless they have decided to ask for their parents to get them to see a doctor for their face surgery. It is no easy. And they are still young. Might as well do it when you are old enough and you do earn a living to maintain your ever refreshing youthful look.
Just like my mom, who always want to look young and be beautiful.
I got a chat with her yesterday and listen to her complains about why she is into the idea of getting a nose-job because she thinks that her nose is not appealing enough whenever she takes selfies. I had fun- listening to her. I grabbed the chance to sit with her and to listen to her talk about it- although I didn’t understand much of what she was saying. But still-I sat looking like an ever-attentive listener. That moment is only one of those few moments I can get the opportunity to spend time with my own mother.
Now, let us get back to what is happening inside our classroom. I continued to look around trying to look for something that can be interesting and worthy to even settle my gaze at even though I feel that my surrounding area is disappointing.
I shake my head in agreement to that though. I can’t wait to go home and just look at the fresh flowers in my mom’s garden and admire the beauty of her domestic plants she had put in display for visitors to compliment.
I still search until my gaze stopped towards someone who is laughing happily with his seatmate. This face is someone new. His light-brown hair seems to looked lighter as he run his fingers in combing it. His eyes a little bit chinky. I cannot really pinpoint whether he has some kind of Japanese or Chinese blood within him. Who cares anyway? It is just me who is curious. They say curiosity kills a cat too bad I am a human. So, I will be fueling my curiosity until I can feel the satisfaction flowing in my body.
His lips, I don’t know. It looked like he it got stung by a bee because it looked big and plumpy. I think the size of his lips- perfectly suits him. Just right for his age. His skin color, the usual of course. It is white. His nose bridged kind of pointed but his nose, average in size. Not that big nor too small.
His eyes. It looks watery. I don’t even know if I am making the right kind of description in terms of how his eyes are like but his eyes looked okay to me. You can feel his emotions just by seeing his eyes and now- I froze from my sit because right this very moment he is now looking at me.
His eyes went bigger for a while before it turned back to its original form. The smile slowly disappears from his face and turned into a cocky one. He rested his elbows on the table, got his chin up and put his hands below it. And-yes. Like the judge you have in a singing contest. He is now acting like that right now. And here I am feeling like I am in some sort of audition where I don’t know what will be the general reaction that I will be getting from this new boy in class that I am now having an eye-contact with.
“Do you find her pretty?” I heard Jordan holding out his laughter while also looking at me. So, I raised my eyebrows at him then glared at him furiously.
The boy smiled almost in a manner that he heard something so pleasant that seems like a music in his ears. His gaze went back towards where I am at and then I heard him answered, “Yes, she looks beautiful.”