It took me a few seconds to regain my composure. My brain stops working for a while because I cannot think of any reply to give him so I just rolled my eyes at the two of them and frowned… Hiding the fact that I liked what he said. I never received a lot of compliments telling me that I looked pretty. And what he did- somewhat makes me happy. And I appreciated the gesture- he is straightforward. He didn’t even hold himself back from saying it which is nice. But still-I don’t like the way he is staring at me. If it is from Silver- I think I will probably like it- a little amount of liking from my part will be done.
Silver isn’t here. He is absent. Take his absence during the first day of class? He missed to seize an opportunity to enjoy it. First day of classes are serve as a postponement- because after the first week things are about to get serious in terms of taking classes.
Break time came and I was about to go inside the room when he blocks my way. He is looking at me with the same kind of smile he showed me earlier.
“What?” I said at him in an unfriendly tone.
His boyish grin is now obvious but he wasn’t even saying anything which I think is a total waste of time. I pushed my way to head inside. But we kept on heading in the same direction- that made me stop to say something, so he can get out of my way.
“I don’t like the way you looked at me. So, if you are compassionate enough you can now drop that gaze and stop looking at me.” His smile reaches his eyes and his grin is wider than ever. And it made my jaw-dropped.
Unbelievable.Totally unbelievable. Queenie was right. He is a trouble maker.
I listened to my seatmate who blabbers about him- pay my attention to the details. She said- Aivanwas always wanting to start trouble with anyone that very reason why his parents had decided to move him to be transferred to another school in the hopes of having to have their son’s reputation turned into a good one.
I tsk at the thought. There is no way their son is going to change his ways. For sure he will create more headache for his parents to think and accept that their son is troublesome.
“Okay. I will do your request Ice Princess.”
I nod my head. Finally- he gets. Oh wait- what did he just called me? I glared at him and he just shrugged his shoulders. And started to walk away from where we are currently standing from…
NOW BACK TO THE PRESENT:
What happened? Well- it turned out to be great. I did not hate him for that long because something happened that made me change the way I perceive him. We became good friends. And he was not really the kind of person who is a trouble maker. He is fun to be with. He became one of those people who made the school year a nice experience.
An 8/10. Our friendship did not last long because something happened that made him distance himself from me which totally acceptable. He has the very right to do that. What happened was a bitter-sweet experience. But it thought me something valuable. Too never judge someone too early and to wait for things to unfold before you can form a conclusion.
To Aivan:
Thank you and I am sorry. Thank you because we became friends unexpectedly. I wasn’t aware that the hating game I put upon you will slowly turn into something treasurable. Those three years having you in my life is something that I am thankful for.
Thank you for always been there for me when I am needing your appearance to aid me. Those moments where we find ourselves enjoying the sunsets, loving the walks and bike rides, the picnics, the gifts you gave even though I never even ask you to give me one. Those gifts are still with me. I put it into a treasure box- hid it so I can come back on it again to remind myself that someone made me feel special.
It always stems from a genuine act. I never told you how to act when you are with me but I am grateful because you never failed to show me how amazing you are as a friend. I am sorry because I never really take your feelings too seriously. I used to think that it was something that weren’t that deep-and it will be easy for you to forget about it.
When you shouted that you love the girl who wears the blue skater skirt. When you admitted to Queenie that your favorite person was me and that you really like the feeling of seeing me around. All those words you say behind my back that were all nice.
All those gifts that you handed during random moments. For the way you are always been attentive whenever I will say something. I am always thankful for that but I grew to love you as one of my friends which I hold closely to my heart.
I am sorry I couldn’t give you the response of affection that you deserve. I am sorry that I turned you down. I didn’t put a romantic affliction to what you had done for me- I can only think of it as a friendly act. I did not mean to intentionally hurt you. I was used to your presence in my life- always there for me that I didn’t even think that I was hurting you every time I talk about Silver during those times that I was crushing oh him.
Your intentions are sincere- so candid. That sometimes I took advantage of your feelings for me. I was not able to say sorry- during the time you chose to walk away because you were deeply hurt. I was wrong- because I did let you walk away without saying anything and instead- fueled my ego. I invalidate your reasons- and only look after my own. I blamed you for making that decision- and forgot to reflect how my actions had affected you.
I was selfish- it was lurid. But I came to a realization that neither the two of us were in the wrong.I am seeing you around and I am happy that you are doing good. Our connection ended up that it turned foggy between the two of us and there was no closure to clear things out but I am glad that we are now in a place where both of us are doing just fine, separately…
From,
Shinai Indigo
One thing I learned about this one is to watch out- to be wary of the truth that sometimes the other wasn’t the only one responsible to be blamed- or to take the blame.
We need to know that we are capable of intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone.
I accepted that my personality appears to be a bit problematic sometimes- but I am continuously learning, evolving, and implementing everything I learned- to do some intimate reflection with myself to make myself better. It took me a lot of time to own up to the mistakes I have done.
To hold myself accountable- because sometimes the one who appears having toxicity is me…