“He is not your cousin, Nai. Erinoi is your brother.” My father uttered without even trying to prolong his revelation.
My parents are separated. I did not grow up having a father by my side. He was absent during the time when my mom have me in her belly and he was still absent during moments where I was able to walk using my own two legs, during moments when I was able to talk, during moments where I fancy artistic things, during my birthdays, during holidays. He was absent.
Not until one April afternoon, I woke up from my nap only to find guests whose faces were unfamiliar for me. They were smiling at me. I remember how I immediately went to go upstairs and to go back inside my bedroom when my mother spoke;
“He is your father, Nai.”
No emotions can be seen in her face and she confidently blurted her words with coldness in her voice. Her eyes pierced upon the man who looks at me with such longing in his eyes.
Beside him was a boy. My eyes went to my mother, wanting for her to explain what was happening. It went to the man then towards the boy. I can still process the information that was given at me that I put my hand on my head because it started to hurt. I suddenly felt dizzy that I want to leave them and to go and drift on my dreamland because it is way more enjoyable being there.
“How do you get this big?” The man said. He paced towards me and pulled me to his embrace. His hug is too stringent that I want to pull away from him but I can see my mother gesturing to let him do what he wants. He patted my head several time and caress my hair.
“Are you really my father?” I asked him inconvertibly.
Skepticism flow through me. I wanted to say a lot of things to him but I didn’t add more words to be said to him. I am wanting him to explain things to me. His reasons behind leaving me and mom. I want to observe how he will be able to put his statement together so I can discern whether he’ll spread more lies or not. I wanted to know whether he did regret leaving us behind. Or does he ever think about us while he is living his own life.
“Yes.” His voice broke and all I can hear are his cries. He cried so hard that it was painful to hear it. He did not want to let go of the hug and he just cried on my shoulders. I saw my mom’s head shook lightly and I saw the boy smiled thinly looking at me and my father’s period of requisition.
I master the urge to say my question out loud because if I keep this within me, I will never gain any clarity.
“You are my father, right? But why do you left without saying anything? Why did you leave me? Why did you let Mom do the parenting alone instead of helping her and doing your part as a parent?”
The answer that I wanted that day was never answered. But one thing is clear, I am still glad it was never too late to know that my father does exist…
Things run smoothly after my father’s appearance. Too smooth as if he didn’t leave us in the cold. Mom and him didn’t get back together which is fine because if I were in my mother’s shoes I wouldn’t take him back too.
I was looking at the two of them roasting each other in a playful manner and play fighting as if they were lovers that starred in a romantic movie. They were laughing about something I couldn’t understand and I am just looking at the two of them. Not even wanting to join them. I can feel the presence of someone beside me and I looked at to see who it is. It’s no other than, my cousin.
“Where are your parents?” I asked him.
“Don’t worry about them. They are doing well on their own.”
“Do they know that you are here with him?” I puckered my lips to point at my father.
He laughed at seeing me do it. He then smiled at me warmly. “They know and they just don’t care.” He answered.
I move my head in a nod. I don’t want to ask him more questions because I don’t want to look that I’m too nosy. And besides-we just met each other for the first time. I don’t need to let him see the parts of me that is too lively.
“What about your siblings? My cousins?” I couldn’t help to add.
“There are three of them. I have an older sister and an older brother, Eunice and Scott. I am the third child after me is the youngest among us four, Willy.”
I looked at him and he still is smiling at me. He looks very happy. He must’ve loved his siblings that much because he is smiling this way.
“Your household must be fun.” I said diverting my gaze to look at my parents who seemed to lost in their own worlds. I wonder whether they even think that they have two people with them in the same area.
“It’s just a normal household.”
“You mean- a conventional household that is fitting in the eyes of the society. A household where it is made of a complete family.” I bitterly responded. I couldn’t help to say these words- maybe because I am jealous of the idea of having a whole family.
I can feel Erinoi looking. His eyes are attentively checking my face to look for something. I decided to meet his gaze and he showed me a smile.
“I am here now. Consider me as a sibling, your companion to every adventure.” He said in an almost confident manner that he sounded like he had the strong belief with his words.