Felicity's POV
"W-why?" Elyana asked me when I suddenly grabbed her by the hand, but how could I answer that question if I also didn't know why?
My eyes went to our hands and up to her confused eyes. However, I saw more than that emotion in it. There was longing. Her warm palm, which I caught, was sending a signal into my brain.
I wanted to feel disgusted by it, but my brain couldn't give me that emotion right at that time. 'What's wrong with me? ' I thought. I wanted to let go of her hand, but my hand held her tighter.
I knew that wasn't me anymore. It was the side I had been trying to kill for so long that I was tempted to get out of the tie I had put on him before.
"Y-you don't need to go back to your room," I told her. My voice sounds strained.
I felt Elyana pull her hand away from mine. I could still see the strong desire brewing inside her, but not until she looked away.
"I-I have something to do. I don't think you need to see it."
"It's okay," I insisted, surprising both of us.
She looked back at me again, this time with a deep frown on her forehead. I knew how much confusion I was giving her at that time, but it was not different from how confused I was with myself. Deep down inside me, I wanted to help her. I wouldn't let anything happen to our child.
"W-Why? I mean, you're..." It seemed she already saw I was serious.
"I said it's okay. You can come back to the guest room with me," I uttered without waiting for Elyana to finish her sentence.
"O-okay," she finally got convinced. "But let me go to the restroom first," she added.
I got alarmed, but I didn't know why. "N-No!" I exclaimed. I wanted to slap my mouth at this time. It appeared that my brain was no longer reciprocating my emotions.
Elyana's eyes grew larger. She maintained her eye contact with me. "I don't understand you anymore. What do you even mean by that?" she asked.
I closed my eyes and thought of the best and most direct response. I kept repeating in my head that I wanted to help her and with my shrill voice, these were the words that came out, "You can use me."
It sounded unappealing, but who cares? It was only the two of us—-no audience. Even if she slapped me or kicked me, no one would witness.
I opened my eyes and I saw with my two eyes how she reacted. Her jaw almost dropped and her eyes nearly popped.
I could see it in her eyes. She didn't laugh but I could tell how much she wanted to laugh when I told her that.
I swallowed my pride over that. I was hoping to help him with his odd craving, but my goodness! I felt an extreme embarrassment. If only the floor could swallow me at that time, I wouldn't fight.
That was the only time I felt that kind of shame in my whole life, making me question myself about whether I sounded like a pervert or what, but wait, Elyana made me feel worse.
"I don't think I still need it right now," she said. I could still sense how shocked she was.
I couldn't believe her answer. I didn't know if I should be happy or disappointed because it seemed like my effort was wasted and worse, my image became bad.
"D-did the mood change?" I asked, just to lessen the awkwardness at that time.
She slightly nodded while biting her lower lip. She avoided my gaze and that was the only time I completely let go of her.
"Haha!' I couldn't help but laugh that awkwardly when I was not even supposed to. "I-I can't believe that was effective!" I again chuckled.
Awkward—it was insanely awkward that all I wanted was to escape.
"Y-Yeah, that helped. T-thank you," she said and just like me, she was stuttering too.
"W-Well, I'm glad it did." Silence walked between us right after I told her this, yet she broke the silence.
"I'll go to my room," she said. I knew this was just an excuse but I didn't say anything else and let her go.
I was praying she would not turn around because my feet seemed to be stuck to the floor. I never imagined I would find myself in such an awkward situation. However, the most difficult part was the fact that I got rejected.
It may sound crazy, but I felt I would let her use me. For the sake of the child and their safety. Although I didn't know how I would perform once she agreed, that rejection gave me the thought that it was better if she disagreed.
When I returned to the guest room, my mind remained foggy. I somewhat regret what I told her because my ego got hurt big time.
'But what if she agreed? What will I do? I never tried sleeping with a woman in my life.' I thought and my mind started imagining things and putting me in that particular scene.