Today is the last day in my father's funeral .
And today is the right time to say goodbye. I regret those words that I said to him. But it's not true that I hate him. I'm just disappointed of what he done  by leaving us behind. I decided to attend it because I know this gonna be the last time I can able to see him . He will be gone forever and I can't be with him . I hope that he's happy.
I wasn't ready that this day will come. I needed to let go of my father. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things I struggled to do. Even if since birth I couldn't uttered the word iloveyou to my parents now it's too late for that .  I might be sweet and innocent child back then who wish you have a happy family like  others do but sadly I'm not one of those.
I grow up without my father. Make me grow older and make me hate him so much . He is happy with his new family while my mother suffer just to raise me up and give all my needs. From time , love and everything..
I wake up and did my routine , and comb my hair then blower it after . Looking at the mirror's refection my face is horrible . Black eyebags , puffy eyes and tired is written on it. After an hour of standing and looking at my own reflection I instantly run towards the tub and close my eyes and sink my self on it.
After taking a bath , I wear all black and I also put sun glasses to over my puffy eyes .
I also grab my sling bag put my phone in there and leave the house.
As I close the door. I received a call from Ash Ron.
From : Ash Ron
I'm gonna pick you up. Wait for me in your house.
I waited for an hour then he arrived safely. He is wearing black pants and white t-shirt matching a black shades just like mine.
Great we're like couple attending a funeral!
What a coincidence ~
I stop from walking when I heard a sound meter way from I was standing
The place was filled by crying people . Some if the visitors are my father's stockholders , employees and even his business partners . I also saw my father's college blockmates too. I gaze at my mother who is Infront making a speech to everyone.
When she saw me, she was about to introduce me but I gaze at her hoping that she will understand my stare. Lucky she gets what I mean and smiled towards my direction as I looked away.
“ Thank you for coming. “ The last word that my mom said as she walked towards the employees in our company and talk to them.
The people are busy talking, eating and some of them are busy looking at my father who sleep peacefully in his coffin. I take that chance to put my three-white flower on my father's grave. I actually put it on the ground then leave the place. While day after the funeral, Ash Ron stay by my side. I catch him staring at me, then he will look away if I catch him in act.
I sit on a chair with those visitors who attend my father's funeral a while ago. The coffin is now ten feet below . There's no visitors because all of them left because of your agendas to focus about. I know my mother want me to go to here , like introducting my self to the people but I don't like that kind of stuff.
I removed my sun glasses and go to my mom's direction. She is busy talking in a phone call. Maybe one of her friends ? Maybe not .
" El ? " Ash Ron trying to get my attention.
I just look at him with my blank expression.
When he noticed my silence for a long time now. He suddenly grab my hand , put me closer to him as he hug me tight and whispered into my ears.
" I got you . Everything will be okay.
Your strong , you have me. " He sincerely said to me.
" Ofcourse. " I replied and ended the conversation.
After an hour in the cemetery where my father was. I looked at the time in my watch , checking what time it is.  It's already 1 in the afternoon. We even forgot to eat lunch. I text Ash Ron because I'm too lazy , too empty to speak to anyone else.
To : Ash Ron
Let's buy some food in macdonald. My mom still don't want to go home.
He reply within a minute and said.
To : El
Sure , lead the way.
After reading the message he sent , I stand up from sitting and walked towards his car and enter. He start the engine and go to the nearest macdonald .
He stop a meter away from macdonald, I push my hand to press the driving wheel to catch his attention as it make it sound.  He immediately looked at me and I can see his brows rise and he give me a what-are-you-doing look.
I handed him my money and said.
" Buy coke float , spaghetti for me while buy a burger and coke for you  , burger plus fries  and a complete meal for my mom please . " 
He nodded and drive the car towards the drive thru.
He accepted it and drive the car afterwards. We decided to eat first while we will bring home the meal for my mother after we went back to the cemetery to pick her up.
Pain can really change everything...
----
After that day,
Home**
When I walk towards downstairs, I saw my mom holding my father's picture in a frame.
I heard her sobbing as she cried.  I can't help but to close my door silently and take a deep breath. It's painful and hard for me seeing my mother cry. And even I hate my dad that much, I miss him so bad.
Even if I will hate him forever, as he abounded me and my mom as he stays with his new family. He never failed to give me gifts, allowance, even if I didn't ask for it.  Every so often he asked me to visit in the company that I never did because I prefer not to hurt him more by my words.
That's why I choose to distance myself and spend my time in the bar as always. I just want to forget what he did,, but my heart doesn't want to forgive him. Now it's too late, to ask for forgiveness because he's no longer alive. I can't even hug ug tell him I loved him so much.
-------
My mother is so quiet for days after the funeral of my father. I did attempt to talk to her and even ask her if she wants to have vacation with me. I was scrolling to my phone to find a good country to take a vacation with my mom. But she just said.
“ Don't waste money, I don't need to vacation but time for myself only. “
She said and walk past me as she entered her room and close the door.
I sigh and failed his number. After a couple of minutes, he already picked the call.
“ El? “ He called my name.
“ My mother require you now? Are you busy? Can you come over? She needed someone to talk to, and I know it's you. She's always avoiding me and I don't know what to do anymore. “ I said using my low voice and didn't wait for his response but run into my room and cry.
After an hour, I heard the doorbell ring from the main door. I didn't hesitate to open it because it's not locked instead. I heard a footstep coming from my room direction. I stare at my door and waited for it to be open and reveal the person.
He is wearing a blue stitch t-shirt and a pajama pants. He smiled at me and said.
“ El? Are you okay? “ He asked.
“ I don't know what I should do, especially on dealing to my mother's behavior recently. “ I looked at my feet because I feel so hopeless.
“ Go out and have time for yourself. Unwind so you won't be stress too much. You looked haggard now El. Spa and shopping is the only key for that. “ He replied.
“ Here "he added as he handed me a three credit card.
“ What, No, Mr. Sam I don't need that. I have money. “ I declined, as I shake my head in response.
“ It's not my money, it was your father's credit cards. Before he left you back when you were still 6, he always dropped money I that three cards that I was the one who handle it. He asked me before he passed away on the same day he come here. He said that I will give this to you. The blue credit card is for business transaction or any related business, the yellow one is the for you as an allowance. Yes, he gave you weekly allowance on your credit card right? But he always save his money in this spare credit for your allowance or in case of any emergency. While the plain credit card is for your mother. “ He explained.
“Last week he already updated and report that you take over all of his business and just this Monday. Which is tomorrow, all the business is willed be under your name El. Jonathan Villamor will guide you, and I'm also here to help you always. “ He added and as he walked towards me and hug me, I hug him back and said.
“ Without you, Mr. Sam, I really don't know how to deal to everything. Thank you for being my guardian/ father since then. “ I said and kiss him cheek.
“ Go to my mom's room, I bet her lonely, and I'm aware that your best friend needed you now than I do. “ I smiled at him and grab a bag and pack my things and really to unwind, just to forget everything that happened this week.
I pack my things, from a spare of clothes to my underwear ,  extra cash and especially my books that I want to read doing my self time just to relax as I enjoy this day.
I don't need to informed my mother because Mr. Sam will be one of of the to tell it to her. I just get out from the house and go to the garage as I enter and start the engine of my car and drive away.
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**Bondi Beach -  Sydney , Icebergs **
The sun is still up , it's still 9 in the morning. I decided to go here early . The same vibes and crowded atmosphere will welcome you in the sea shore. I walk towards the hotel need the beach before I will go to the club later at night. I need to refresh my mind and time for my self.
When I enter the lobby of the hotel, all the employees great me and bow at me. I'm not the onwer of this hotel but Ralph my photographer , he is. They already know me and pay a respect because I'm the owners bestfriend. Even Ralph give me a whole floor just for me in his second floor vip list.
I was amazed on how Ralph handle everything because being a photographer and a CEO in a hotel is a hard tasks to do. He's amazing friend I know.
I walk towards the receptionist and ask for my room key. She immediately give it to me also 2 employees followed me from behind. One employee wear a maid outfit , while one is the employee will ready my bubble bath later on. I asked for Ralph favor before I come here. That I will spend 3 nights in he's hotel.
When we arrive in my room door. I open it and looked around. Still the same theme that ralph organized. I can't help to smile , I failed Ralph number immediately.
Calling : Ralph (BFF)
The number you have dialed is busy at the moment try to call later.
I looked at the time , maybe he still sleeping . I'll call him later on instead.
I put my phone on the lampshade table and close the glass window's curtain . The employees are busy on their job while I decided to sleep and get relaxed.
I wake up around 12 :30 in the afternoon. I feel relieved by sleeping . When I got out of my bed a saw a tray beside my bed and meals , desert and a letter was there. 
I grab the letter and read it.
From : Ralph,
You called awhile ago , I'm sorry I wasn't able to pick up the call. I'm on a meeting with my hotel stuffs . I cooked those meals for you , I hope you will enjoy your stay . If you need anything just go to my office so you can accompany me too . Just pure papers are always beside me. HAHA
Eat Well .
I smiled and dilated Ralph number. Within a minutes he answered the call and said .
" GoodAfternoon El, do you like your lunch? How are you? " He asked.
" I'm fine , later I'll eat. I'll go there after ,  workaholic man eat your lunch too! " I answered and laugh.
" Sure I will , eat first then come here. I will advice you in related on bussiness I would I could help. " He replied and end the call.
I eat my lunch and turn on my music that can left up my mood.  After eating , I get dress ready for party and put a light make up. I grab my sling bag as I close my hotel room door.