My eyes shut open hearing the sound of the cooking utensils in the kitchen, that has been my alarm all this years, Mom cooking. She always tries to make both the breakfast and the lunch together because she's not always at home during the afternoon time whenever I am back from school, she always had to cook me the food in the morning so that I will always have something to eat whenever I return from school. 
I got my head up from the pillow, looking at the alarm clock on the cupboard about to sound any minute from now, it has already became part of me, waking up before the alarm clock sounds, it's beneficial though, but for other people living out there, not me. I'm the total opposite of living a life, every morning I woke up is a torture, a stab on my heart, a new taste of reality in my mouth, the same life I woke up to every day.
Just as Mom said, today is a special day to be celebrated, it's for her though, not me, I have nothing to celebrate in this Life, I am cursed, my Life is cursed, waking up is a curse, going to school is a curse, smiling or laughing is a curse, looking out on the world is a curse, the only blessing I can ever get in this life is falling asleep, but when you needs it, it remains distance away where it can never be found.
“ Morning Mom ”, I greeted my mom as I went past her, moving to the sink to get some water. “ I hope you had a great night Ember?....”, She asked behind me. By the wave of her voice reaching my ear, I could guess that all her attention were on me, she was no longer looking into her pot, she was focused on me, I don't want to answer that question, but ignoring her would be rude, that's not the way she trained me, but replying her question wasn't what I felt either.
“ Just as Always....”, I replied her, taking my cup of water with me as I went past her, I could hear the sound of her exhale, quite early for her to be frustrated about my behavior which I have only wished for her never to be concerned about. 
I was almost done with my breakfast when she offered to take me to school with her car, I wanted to reject the offer, but looking from her effort to make sure that I am happy, I have to agree with her offer, not that it's going to change anything, but it will give her some peace of mind, at least I should offer her that for all she has always done for me.
Sitting inside the car with her, I feel like I have beginning to regret agreeing with her offer, it would have been better for me to walk my way to school rather than sitting in silence with her in this car, not that I don't like the silence, but because it's awkward.
Theirs this van that have always been packed here or can I say abandoned, I can remember back when I was still a little kid, when I was around five to six years, this car was still being used, the car most times pass through Auntie Margaret's house, I usually call her Mom though, she isn't my biological mom, she has told me stories about how she got to find me at the door step of her house, it was the story about how I was abandoned, it wasn't a sweet one to listen to, but she believed that I was old enough to know when she told me about it.
The white Van wasn't all this rusty back then, it looks like a club car, more like a small team car which is being used in traveling to different areas, I always see the car pass by, parked around my school then, but now, for some years now, it looks like it has been abandoned her, just like me to, exactly the way I was abandoned at auntie Margaret's.
The car remembers me of myself, the way the car was abandoned here and left alone, that's the way my parents had abandoned me too, with no clue of what I looked like or even me knowing what they might've looked like.
“ Don't forget to come back on time Ember, remember that I always love you....”, Auntie Margaret said. I walked out of her car, not concerned about all this love and caring talks, I have never experienced such love she speaks of, I don't even get them from her, I feel like I was the only one living at that house, I always see her once in a day and it's always in the morning before I leave for school, whenever I come back home, she's still out there working, before going to bed, she's never back, but immediately I hear the sound in the kitchen, morning is there again like always.
All she does is speak about love, how she loves me, how she cares for me, how she's hustling to see that I have a better life, all that is trash, waste of words, more like lies, lies she tells herself so she won't feel guilty for not giving me the love I deserve, she's not my mother, Yes, I agree with her, but keeping me to herself when she knew she was not going to be able to take care of me as her own, that's selfish, that is called selfishness.
There was an announcement yesterday that there's going to be a recreational activity in the school today, it's Friday and they wanted to just give the students some breaks and make us entertain ourselves with either things we love to, I never cared about those, what is my life about any ways, why should I be able to have fun when I don't deserve it?.